I Want A Man!

[dawnsday]

Lord, I prayed one day
send me a man i am lonely here
and need comfort of strong arms
send me a man to love me
love me for my goodness
see the true heart in me
despite my flaws and my mistakes
let him believe in my potential
let him hold me when i shake
when i cry and i feel at my ends
let his presense give me peace
when i call
let him come always
let him know what is right for me
and help me on my path
god send me a man
of beauty inner beauty so bright
that it brings light to the dark
of my life
god, i need love in my life
i prayed that day
god, i need someone to stand by
for all of my life
to be my everything
to give joy to my soul
He answered, child
i love you so
that i wish you the very thing
you pray so sincerely for
i will send you a man
for i wish you to be loved
unconditionally through all your faults
and he will see past your mistakes
and judge you not on your past
he will know your goodness
and bring it out in you
stronger then ever before
he will fill you with peace
when you speak to him
and when he is with you
his presense will fill you with
the warmth of eternal love
joy in your soul shall he provide
and he will lead you
to the glory i have created for you
for child i love you so
i will give you the greatest man
to walk earth or reside in heaven
with love
i will send you a man so beautiful
you will tear at the sight of him
and with him you will be one
child of mine
i send you my son

 

[pi_dude]

umm... wow! i feel i a in the same boat!(except i don't really want a man!LOL)

 

[dawnsday]

i don't want a man either actually i just thought it was a neat idea, all my girlfriends want a boyfriend someone to see the best in them and love them and they will pray for it, but then he already set them up with the best man ever, Jesus...

 

[pi_dude]

 

[jesusfreak10537]

That is great!

 

[jesusfreak10537]

Oops, double post.

 

[artybloke]

This thread reminds me of that "great" chorus:

I want a man
I want a man
I want a mansion in the sky...

 

[die2live]

Something I needed to be reminded of. Thanks!

 

[pi_dude]

This thread reminds me of that "great" chorus:

I want a man
I want a man
I want a mansion in the sky...

LOL

 

[christian cutie danni]

I know how it is! That's a GREAT poem, I LOVE it!

 

[pi_dude]

again, i say it is a good poem, however i can't directly relate

 

[CJF]

*Clasps hand over heart* That is so wonderful! It was put so delicately. I think every gril who ever dreams of falling in love and getting married can relate and then when God answeres, we think "Yeah, she's gonne get the perfect man" and then we realize it's Jesus. So powerful and so true. You should get it published!

 

[jonthemonk]

That's a really cool verse, Dawnsday.

 

[dawnsday]

if only i knew how to get published lol

 

[Silver Saint]

When I started reading, I was building up ammo for a critique when I was done, but the work definitely redeems itself. The only thing I'd really change, Punctuation and line breaks that flow with the verse. Good verse, good message, but it will lose much of its effectiveness without those things that help it flow, as poetry should.
Go with God.

 

[dawnsday]

When I started reading, I was building up ammo for a critique when I was done, but the work definitely redeems itself. The only thing I'd really change, Punctuation and line breaks that flow with the verse. Good verse, good message, but it will lose much of its effectiveness without those things that help it flow, as poetry should.
Go with God.

Thank you God! I have been wishing for some really constructive critisism! I really don't know HOW to write poetry I just do it, and i get really good responses performing and think i might have something if someone could give me a few tips on the technicals of it

Got any idea how i can do what you suggested?

 

[artybloke]

I think the question that needs to be asked of all who write poetry here is:

How much contemporary poetry do you read? It's a vast field, of course, from the staggeringly obscure at one end to the reasonably simple at the other.

One thing I noticed about the poem was how generalised it was. It talked a lot in general terms about being lonely but wasn't very clear as to the specifics of what that meant day-to-day.

There are Christians of various stripes working in poetry if you look for them (Scott Caird, for instance; Annie Dillard is another.) But you really won't improve unless you read. I suggest starting with a good modern anthology.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Amen!

HB