I want a dog, he doesn't?

ooOHannahOoo · Jan 3, 2007

What do you do ? I can live my life without a pet in the house, but I lived my whole life with animals until marriage and now it's really hard to not have that. I know that sounds weird to someone who isn't as much as an animal lover as me. My husband's big reasons for not wanting one is his asthma and the responsibility. I know there are allergen free dogs out there and I am willing to take on all the reponsibility for the animal. So, should I just give up the idea or should we be able to compromise?

JulySheMustFly · Jan 3, 2007

Asthma is a pretty valid reason for not wanting a dog. You may want to compromise with some other kind of animal or maybe an outside only dog.

I know what your going through. I also grew up with always having atleast one pet, usually more than one. We don't have one right now and I really want one. But my husband realized how allergic he was to cats once our old kitty died. So, there is not cat to keep me company at night when he's at work. I would love a dog but it will simply have to wait until our babe is bigger.

I purposefully take the back way to my daughters school so I don't drive by the animal rescue. I know if I even drive by it we'll come home with a pet.

cristianna · Jan 3, 2007

Oh man, that is a hard place to be in. Only you know your true situation at home, and if he's insistant on not having one I personally wouldn't press the issue-- particularly in light of his asthma regardless if there are allergen free dogs. To my dh it would immediately come across as I was being selfish over his health regardless as to how well versed and educated I was to the allergen free species.

Immediately I can only think of three compromises. You say you're an animal lover... is there an alternate choice to a dog? I realize when comparing a dog to say a cat, lizard, bird, etc there's a huge difference.

Can you maybe instead volunteer at the local animal shelter? Maybe pack a duffle bag and change clothes before leaving to ensure you're not bringing anything home?

And the alternative one would be to just wait it out. Maybe the idea of an allergen free type will grow on him?

bliz · Jan 3, 2007

Allergies are a pretty big reason...

But be realistic. You alone cannot take on the responsibility of a dog in the house. He will live with the dog. If you have to go home to let him out, he will have to go home with you or be without you. He will clean up poop and pee as the dog is trained. He will have to feed the dog when you are not home. This is a bit like saying "Let me have a baby - I promose, I'll do all the baby work!"

The dog would become a third member of the family unless it is strictly an outside dog. It seems to me that both people need to be in agreement.

mrsperez · Jan 3, 2007

bliz said:
Allergies are a pretty big reason...

But be realistic. You alone cannot take on the responsibility of a dog in the house. He will live with the dog. If you have to go home to let him out, he will have to go home with you or be without you. He will clean up poop and pee as the dog is trained. He will have to feed the dog when you are not home. This is a bit like saying "Let me have a baby - I promose, I'll do all the baby work!"

The dog would become a third member of the family unless it is strictly an outside dog. It seems to me that both people need to be in agreement.

I agree. Be realistic. My husband wants a dog, but I am not used to having animals in the house, and to be honest with you, am not a big animal lover.

You agreed to "forsake all others" when you got married, right?

A marriage is full of compromises, if he has asthma and has no desire to have a pet, then you need to compromise.

Sorry, but that's my honest opinion.

GolfingMom · Jan 3, 2007

mrsperez said:
I agree. Be realistic. My husband wants a dog, but I am not used to having animals in the house, and to be honest with you, am not a big animal lover.

You agreed to "forsake all others" when you got married, right?

A marriage is full of compromises, if he has asthma and has no desire to have a pet, then you need to compromise.

Sorry, but that's my honest opinion.

This reminds me of me a few years ago - although my DH didn't have allergies. I worked on convincing him to get a dog. He finally broke down and said we could get one but it would be all my responsibility. I agreed. Found the "perfect" dog which met all our requirements (litter box trained etc) and well...returned him 3 days later.
It was the wrong dog, wrong time, wrong everything. DH was right. So...7 years later - we just bought our first fish

fuzzymel · Jan 3, 2007

I would just get a dog. Thats what I did with all three of my cats (and the hamster I think).

Not always the best way to do things though.

KittyCatCurledUp · Jan 3, 2007

There are allergen free dogs? I have been warned by breeders that some people may be allergic to the oils in the dog's skin or its saliva rather than its fur, so you'd still have to be around the dog for an hour or so first to see if there is any allergic reaction. (I've heard they have bred hypoallergenic cats, but haven't heard the same for dogs. )

A little story of hope from my household. My dad was in the same situation as you. He looooves dogs. Mom has always been severely allergic so there was no way he could have animals. Since we all moved in together, she has noticed that she is not as allergic to cats as she used to be. And so our search for dad's dog began.

We looked into breeds of dogs that have hair as opposed to fur, while keeping the above skin oil vs. fur caveat in mind..... lo and behold, we found that after an hour of being in a room with 10 wheaten terrier puppies, she had no adverse reaction. At all. So after 20 years, he may be getting a dog. if we can find someone who has one available.

Also, allergies do fluctuate throughout a lifetime, so you can hold out hope that one day he will be able to tolerate animals. We've had to do a dog -by-dog test to see what she could handle. She is just happy that he is going to have a hobby now. Lol.

cristianna · Jan 3, 2007

KittyCat... it is my understanding the "allergen free" are pets with the "hair" as opposed to "fur". Our neighbor is the same way-- they had to get a pet with "hair".

SuddenlyISee · Jan 3, 2007

Hypo allergenic dogs and cats do exist, but asthma is not an allergy. If your husband has asthma than the issue should be just with the hair getting in the air he breaths. The solution: a hairless dog. They exist, but hairless cats are way cuter, IMHO.

Go to dogbreedinfo.com/hairlessbreeds.htm

As far as the responsibility goes, just don't make him do anything. I have a cat and 3 mice and my husband doesn't do anything at all. And, if you get a small enough dog you can usually bring him with you on trips.

Maybe if you research a few options you can sit with you husband and discuss it in a logical way. Men tend to give in when you do that.

SIS

gengwall · Jan 3, 2007

fuzzymel said:
I would just get a dog. Thats what I did with all three of my cats (and the hamster I think).

Not always the best way to do things though.

I would say never the best way to do things. This is a together decision. It should not be made unilaterally. Its one thing if the spouse doesn't care one way or another, but an entirely different issue to intentionally defy your spouses wishes.

ooOHannahOoo · Jan 3, 2007

Thanks for the advice. I guess it would be best not to get one right now, but anyone who has grown up with animals knows how I feel . He does have asthma and certain things do trigger it but I have never seen him have any problems when he's around animals. He's been around many dogs and cats for well over an hour and had no reaction for days. I honestly think he's using it as an excuse .

SuddenlyISee · Jan 3, 2007

ooOHannahOoo said:
Thanks for the advice. I guess it would be best not to get one right now, but anyone who has grown up with animals knows how I feel . He does have asthma and certain things do trigger it but I have never seen him have any problems when he's around animals. He's been around many dogs and cats for well over an hour and had no reaction for days. I honestly think he's using it as an excuse .

That is possible. But, it is also possible that a dog living with him is a different situation. When he goes to other peoples homes, he can leave. There is not hair on his couch, carpet, pillow and clothes. He is not breathing it day in and day out for upwards of 15 years. If he were saying that it was an allergy, that your argument is sound. But asthma is a different beast.

twob4me · Jan 3, 2007

ooOHannahOoo said:
What do you do ? I can live my life without a pet in the house, but I lived my whole life with animals until marriage and now it's really hard to not have that. I know that sounds weird to someone who isn't as much as an animal lover as me. My husband's big reasons for not wanting one is his asthma and the responsibility. I know there are allergen free dogs out there and I am willing to take on all the reponsibility for the animal. So, should I just give up the idea or should we be able to compromise?

Are you set on a dog or would you be willing to have some other kind of animal that he may say okay to?

Lee_Lee · Jan 4, 2007

GET A FISH (marriage is all about comprimise)

ThatButton · Jan 4, 2007

Oh I have no good advice but I sympathize!! I am not sure I could marry someone who said no to dogs. I'm "arguing" with my fiance (just jokingly for now...) about how many dogs I am going to get once we're married. I just make sure to remind him how cute a pack of 5 or 6 dogs running around the house would be. That always makes him smile.

Someone has mentioned volunteering at the animal rescue but I have to say that my sister works for a vet and has found many rescued animals that she so badly wants to take home. Doing that may tug at your heartstrings more than you can handle without a pet to snuggle at home!!

Woohaar · Jan 4, 2007

I know you don't want to, but I think you should drop the issue. It's your husbands house too and he needs to feel respected and valued in his home. I'm sure he's not saying no just to be a kill-joy. You need to respect his feelings on this issue.

ooOHannahOoo · Jan 5, 2007

GET A FISH

Click to expand...

You can't cuddle with a fish .

I think my biggest problem with him being against it is that he wasn't against it before we were married. I had 3 cats in my house and he came over all the time and it didn't bother him. I'm dropping it for now. I'm all about compromise, but there is no compromise in this situation.

ooOHannahOoo · Jan 5, 2007

I know you don't want to, but I think you should drop the issue. It's your husbands house too and he needs to feel respected and valued in his home. I'm sure he's not saying no just to be a kill-joy. You need to respect his feelings on this issue.

Easy for you to say, you have a cute cat !

OceanFloor · Jan 5, 2007

fuzzymel said:
I would just get a dog. Thats what I did with all three of my cats (and the hamster I think).

Not always the best way to do things though.

Wow. I don't know if I agree with that. Allergies and Asthma are pretty serious things. Nothing like going and getting a dog, then coming home and finding that your hubby can't swallow - or breath - or has eyes the size of tennis balls. The "dander" is typically what people are allergic to, but the asthma can be prompted by the fur. Perhaps consulting with his Doctor would be a place to start.
And, on the responsibility side.....a dog in the house is *everyone's* responsibility. Even if you think you're going to do "everything", that's simply not possible 24/7...

Good luck with your decision...ever thought of getting an iguana?

I want a dog, he doesn't?

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