Hey guys, I read through this entire thread and only now got around to making an account. I'm in the same boat as Diana and Chris, probably worse off if that's even possible. Reading Diana's posts made me feel like I was reading about myself. I've been a narcissist my entire life with ongoing sin, I remember very distinctly a time probably before I was even a teenager that I think I stopped feeling the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Since then I've lived in horrible sin, got on medications at one point, currently dependant on an antidepressant. I've never held a realistic view of myself and now that I've learned about all that's wrong with myself I realize I'm most likely reprobate. I know the Bible is 100% true but I don't have saving faith, I have the faith of the demons and sometimes I can trick myself into feeling false assurance but when I think about who I am and what I've done it's again replaced by a crippling fear of Hell. I had some bad experiences during childhood and my parents both have impaired/nonexistant empathy so I was able to hide my feelings from them and shut them out of my life, the things that happened to me, and the things I'd done. I'm feeling pretty hopeless and it's been this way for as long as I can remember. I basically rejected God and I don't see a way back. I want a way back, I don't want to burn in Hell, and I want to know what love is. This is a really short explanation but I've been telling people my life story trying to find help for the last month or so so I guess I'll post as things come to me. Feel free to ask questions. Thanks
hey , same things happen to me
i started to lost conviction,
repentance heart , shame on sin , regret , fear to God. and now i don’t even know if i really haved that.
i deliberately sin , pornographic , masturbation, arrogance , pride , compromising with nonbelievers.
and i wanna share about you what is written in Bible about love and faith
first Faith comes from God
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,”
Ephesians 2:8 NKJV
And faith work by love
“For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but faith working through love.”
Galatians 5:6 NKJV
Love is agape in Bible it means you obey to His command.
“This is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, that as you have heard from the beginning, you should walk in it.”
II John 1:6 NKJV
And faith wil start with little faith , remember when Jesus told to His dicisple “Oh you little faith”
“And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.””
Luke 17:5 NKJV
So it start will small trust to God , believing in God , obedience to God and God His self gave that so it is His work to grow that Faith.
if God gave you/us that Faith He will finished it until the end. That is the saving Faith
“looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Hebrews 12:2 NKJV
“being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;”
Philippians 1:6 NKJV
God will grow our Faith through Fire , fire is trials , struggle , persecution , descipline,
if God gave us faith and we are disobedient to Him He will descipline us so we will learn to obey His command, like what He did to the Israelites
“It is good for me that I have been afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes.”
Psalms 119:71 NKJV
God doesn’t give faith to everybody , to only who does who He want to save and go to Heaven. And we will know as we get old if He gave to us that Faith
He will deal my/your heart ,we will have Holy fear to Him, we will have strength or desire to go back to Him again ,we search His word again ,He will give His rebuke , word to us and He will grow our assurance to the salvation.
i wish i share the all scripture if i notice something was missing i will send it to you again.