I still can't believe it.

[rachey88]

I had an abortion back in October. I was advised to have it by my doctor, because of my health, I was very depressed, and losing weight very rapidly, and plus they still don't know if I can give birth to a healthy child, due to complications I had as a child and early teen. I still can't believe I actually did it. I know that I wasn't meant to have children so young, and I didn't want to be tied to the father for the next 18+ years. He didn't even care that I was pregnant. Now I am dating again and the guy I am with is wonderful! He knows about the abortion because we told each other from the start we were going to be completely honest about everything, and I don't ever want to keep secrets from him. I will be honest, he and I are sexually active, but we take every precaution. My period though is very scattered and hard to track well it skipped like 2 months, and scared me very badly, I told him and he supported me but I felt horrible thoughts, I was going to do anything not to go through an abortion again, but I didn't want to have a child. I had many suicidal thoughts. I just don't know what to think. I know that if anything were to happen he'd take care of me and we would get married, because neither of us believe in divorce, and we both believe that if I got pregnant we need to stay together. I think it's just wonderful, but I am truly afraid of myself, of my thoughts, if something were to happen. I don't know if it's because of the abortion, or it's because of the way I was treated because of my last pregnancy. I just don't know what to think, I don't know if I am just still depressed or scared or what? All I know is I need to talk to someone.

 

[mourningdove~]

Hi Rachey ...

I haven't been here in the forum for awhile,
but happened to 'pop in' today and saw your post!

I'd be happy to talk here with you abit if you like ...

I will not have all 'the answers' ... but I do know the One Who does ...
and His name is Jesus.

 

[rachey88]

Thanks nuvu

 

[Angeldove97]

Hi Rachey,
First off, I'm sorry about your loss of your child--- I can understand why women choose to have an abortion after speaking to a doctor due to medical issues. I'm 23 years old and I still think I'm way too young to have a child--- age doesn't honestly matter in this type of situation... maturity and personal goals play a big role in this.

I honestly do think the pain and worrying you're going through right now is due to what you suffered through in the past--- having an abortion, having poor health, and not having your boyfriend at the time be supportive of you and the pregnancy. Bad relationships still haunt me, however, I'm in a very loving and healthy relationship of two years with my very best friend, Sean, and the relationship has helped me ALOT since then.

This is only a suggestion--- it's something you have to figure out between you and your boyfriend and with God--- but perhaps while you're still healing, you and your boyfriend could decide to not have sex because of how it worries you. Yes protection can keep you really safe, but the only 100% protection is from not having sex. There are other ways to show your love to one another and I'm sure if you two truly do love one another, deciding to not have sex won't hinder the relationship in any way. Spending a good hour of kissing and hugging is just as amazing. Spending time praying together is even more amazing.

You'll find alot of supportive people here--- members who have gone through the same things as you and staff members who have dedicated themselves to helping those in need. Feel free to send me a pm any tim you'd like to chat--- I'm usually online 24/7

Right now, with your relationship starting out so young, you should be focusing on healing yourself, getting over the past, and growing in your friendship with your loved one. Setting up a good foundation--- like I'm sure you're doing since you two are open with one another [communication is KEY in a relationship]--- for the relationship will be a huge blessing, especially when you and your loved one decide it's time to start a family together. But please make sure you allow yourself to heal through this pain--- I don't want to see a lovely Lady like yourself suffer through this for the rest of her life.

Take care--- let us know how you're doing

~Tatiana