I really want to believe in god..... but

[godhereornot]

I was born into a Hindu family.

However at the moment I don’t know whether there is a god or not

1) Why would a god let a child get murded or why would he not prevent a rape, or why would he not prevent an earthquake before it happens.

2) With so many religions which one is right for example one says you go to heaven or hell the other says you get reincarnated surely both things cant happen.

3) Why does god not be proved himself like come on TV?

4) If believing in god improves ones life why are there atheists out there who are rich and successful?

5) Who made humans, such complex only can be god however who made god he’s even more complex.

6) Also if god works through humans why cant this be proved, all prove is subjective, however why has no one passed the james randi challenge.

A lot of people I look up to are very religious, and it would give meaning to my life plus death wouldn’t seem as scary.

I know I cant be persuaded to believe in god, but how can I find god so I believe in him.
I want to believe in god not because someone convinces me but because I convince myself., i.e hopefully through experiencing god.

 

[rejectreality]

Well, it sounds to me like you already believe in God, but maybe don't understand His nature yet. I could be wrong though.

Right now, your ally is prayer. It is so simple to find God once you open yourself up to the possibility. Pray and keep praying and God will reveal Himself to you, and probably in a way that will only make sense to you. That is the beauty of God; He knows everyone as an individual and expresses Himself uniquely to each person who is seeking Him.

I hope your journey is fruitful

 

[ebia]

I was born into a Hindu family.

However at the moment I don’t know whether there is a god or not

1) Why would a god let a child get murded or why would he not prevent a rape, or why would he not prevent an earthquake before it happens.

God doesn't wish such things to happen, but the world is not as he intends it because we fall short of his purpose for us in that world. Because that evil runs through each one of us it cannot simply be wiped out, so God began the messy process of sorting us and hence all the world out when he called Abraham and his family. That story came to its climax in the story of Jesus, continues in the story of his church, and will be consumated when he comes again and "every tear is wiped away".

2) With so many religions which one is right for example one says you go to heaven or hell the other says you get reincarnated surely both things cant happen.

You'll have to consider which one makes the most sense and offers the most hope.

3) Why does god not be proved himself like come on TV?

How would that prove God? What would it look like? Would you believe it?

4) If believing in god improves ones life why are there atheists out there who are rich and successful?

That's not how things are. Becoming part of God's people now does improve your life now, but not in that materialistic way - rather it prepares you for a really satisfying life in the age to come and generally brings greater satisfaction now. There actually is very little correlation between what people desire and what satisfies them and brings lasting joy - just look at all the rich, "successful", but desperately unhappy people out there.

5) Who made humans, such complex only can be god however who made god he’s even more complex.

God just is - "I am who I am".

6) Also if god works through humans why cant this be proved, all prove is subjective, however why has no one passed the james randi challenge.

The way God works doesn't reduce the kind of mechanism that science can study. If one really wants to investigate it a better tool is history, but it needs to be history done well, not superficially.

A lot of people I look up to are very religious, and it would give meaning to my life plus death wouldn’t seem as scary.

I know I cant be persuaded to believe in god, but how can I find god so I believe in him.
I want to believe in god not because someone convinces me but because I convince myself., i.e hopefully through experiencing god.

Find a congregation where you can see the Kingdom of God being lived out and join in.

 

[Joveia]

1) Why would a god let a child get murded or why would he not prevent a rape, or why would he not prevent an earthquake before it happens.

Hi godhereornot. I think that because humanity is currently separated from God we must suffer, but there doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason in who ends up suffering the most, and who leads a rather lucky life. The Bible seems to embrace a bit of a paradox. Here are two helpful quotes on this:

Ecclesiastes 9:1-2: "This, too, I carefully explored: Even though the actions of godly and wise people are in God's hands, no one knows whether God will show them favor. The same destiny ultimately awaits everyone, whether righteous or wicked, good or bad, ceremonially clean or unclean, religious or irreligious. Good people receive the same treatment as sinners, and people who make promises to God are treated like people who don't."

So the Bible says we all have to suffer, and some people are unlucky and some people are lucky in how much they suffer, and this isn't based on whether you're a good, righteous person or not.

Psalm 68:19: "Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms."

It also says above that even though righteous people are undergoing suffering, which it sounds like God could prevent, God is actually carrying them through the suffering.

I think pain probably has to be in the world because we're separated from God, and God carries us through the pain, which can take many forms (and some people are more or less lucky).

3) Why does god not be proved himself like come on TV?

The way I think about this is that I'm reminded of a story I once heard by a preacher. There were two men thinking of committing adultery on their wives, because they were bored with their marriages and other women were interested in them. They both went to the pastor to ask the pastor what they should do. The pastor went through the Bible with each of them and made it clear that they should not commit adultery. One of them struggled with it a lot but finally came around to the Bible's point-of-view and said they would work on keeping their marriage together. The other one decided they didn't really agree with the Bible, and after a while he ended up dropping out of the church altogether and his marriage.

The pastor said that the difference between the two men was that at the end of the day, the first one really cared about what the Bible said and there was something to 'grab onto' from the pastor's perspective. The other guy seemed to care but there was nothing really coming from his 'heart' when it mattered.

I think in the same way, for someone to become a Christian they can't passively or reluctantly accept it like someone might reluctantly accept a phone call. There has to be something in someone where they really want to 'come back' to God like the Prodigal Son - something for God to 'grab onto' like the pastor and the first man. Most people who aren't Christian really wouldn't be that 'into' the idea of being a Christian and worshipping God forever. The Bible says that if there is something for God to 'grab onto' a desire to seek God, then God will give that person faith.

4) If believing in god improves ones life why are there atheists out there who are rich and successful?

If believing in God was a surefire ticket to success then people wouldn't want to have a relationship with God because they loved Him, they would want to have a relationship with God because God will make them rich. It could be like trying to be friends with a billionaire since they can take you in their private jet to tropical islands. I'm not saying God should make it harder, but God can't automatically reward people for following Him and not make it a 'quid pro quo' arrangement rather than a relationship.

5) Who made humans, such complex only can be god however who made god he’s even more complex.

But every idea of complexity that we have has something in common: every complex object we can think of is a finite object. But God is infinite. We don't really have any experience with complexity in 'infinite reality'. We don't know whether 'complexity' even exists in the actually infinity, which is very hard to even define. So our notions of complexity may strictly apply to the finite, and not apply to God.

Perhaps the infinite is simple, but happens to also have certain characteristics in its simplicity - such as being a mind and a person. It's hard to process this idea but I think when it comes to the infinite we can't really apply our finite ideas of complexity.

 

[Follow Christ]

I was born into a Hindu family. However at the moment I don’t know whether there is a god or not

Before I answer all your questions, I'd first like to inform you of God's good news. That His Son, Jesus Christ, died for our sins, was entombed, and roused the third day. His Son was sinless and perfect. He always acted in love and did what was right. He took on himself all of our sin and imperfection and died for them. The third day from then, God brought him back to life for our justification. If your faith in this news is genuine, then it is because God has graciously granted it to be so, for Christ's sake. It is in grace, through faith, you are saved, and this is not out of you, it is God's approach present, lest anyone should be boasting.

1) Why would a god let a child get murded or why would he not prevent a rape, or why would he not prevent an earthquake before it happens.

This is something every believer dwells on. It is quite confusing when viewed from our human perspective, but God has a goal in subjecting his creation to death, evil, and sin. Without them, how could we ever fully understand or appreciate life, good, and perfection. If they never existed, we would be incomplete. We could never look up to God and say, "thank you for freeing us in the most beautiful way, by sparing not your own beloved Son who was perfect when we were not and giving us everything in Him".

God's tells us these things in his word;

(Romans 8:18) For I am reckoning that the sufferings of the current era do not deserve the glory about to be revealed for us.

(Romans 8:20-21) For to vanity was the creation subjected, not voluntarily, but because of Him Who subjects it, in expectation
21 that the creation itself, also, shall be freed from the slavery of corruption into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

(Romans 11:32) For God locks up all together in stubbornness, that He should be merciful to all.

(1 Corinthians 15:21-22)
For since, in fact, through a man came death, through a Man, also, comes the resurrection of the dead. For even as, in Adam, all are dying, thus also, in Christ, shall all be vivified.

2) With so many religions which one is right for example one says you go to heaven or hell the other says you get reincarnated surely both things cant happen.

Death is the opposite of life. It means you live no longer, contrary to what many other believers might tell you. This is said of those who are Christ's now through faith.

(1 Thessalonians 4:15-18) For this we are saying to you by the word of the Lord, that we, the living, who are surviving to the presence of the Lord, should by no means outstrip those who are put to repose, for the Lord Himself will be descending from heaven with a shout of command, with the voice of the Chief Messenger, and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ shall be rising first, Thereupon we, the living who are surviving, shall at the same time be snatched away together with them in clouds, to meet the Lord in the air. And thus shall we always be together with the Lord. So that, console one another with these words.

Of those who do not believe.

(1 Corinthians 15:25-28) For He must be reigning until He should be placing all His enemies under His feet. The last enemy is being abolished: death. For He subjects all under His feet. Now whenever He may be saying that all is subject, it is evident that it is outside of Him Who subjects all to Him. Now, whenever all may be subjected to Him, then the Son Himself also shall be subjected to Him Who subjects all to Him, that God may be All in all.)

Contrary to what many will tell you, these verses state that the last enemy to be abolished will be death. The unbelievers will not be saved from sin and death as soon as we who are saved by faith in the evangel, but one day through God's judgements they will see for themselves the truth of Christ's death and resurrection, they will be placed under his feet and death will not be their portion any longer.

3) Why does god not be proved himself like come on TV?

He uses a much more humble means. His inspired word. He has a purpose in not doing so. Just looking at the beauty of His creation is enough to show you that there is a Designer to it.

4) If believing in god improves ones life why are there atheists out there who are rich and successful?

Being rich and successful isn't what makes a life improved. It may help and be beneficial, but knowing that one day we will be with our Savior in perfect happiness without any need of those things is what will sustain us.

5) Who made humans, such complex only can be god however who made god he’s even more complex.

Isn't that the marvel of it. He is the most complex and complete. He is the uncreated creator of all. He has all knowledge and power.

6) Also if god works through humans why cant this be proved, all prove is subjective, however why has no one passed the james randi challenge.

It isn't about proof, but faith. If God has graced you with faith in his good news, you will never lose it, no matter how much faith you lose in other aspects of God's word.

A lot of people I look up to are very religious, and it would give meaning to my life plus death wouldn’t seem as scary.

Your life is full of meaning. God created you, placed sin in between you, so that he could free you and you could acknowledge and love him for His salvation. Surely goodness and love will follow you all the days of your life.

I know I cant be persuaded to believe in god, but how can I find god so I believe in him.
I want to believe in god not because someone convinces me but because I convince myself., i.e hopefully through experiencing god.

I hope you have experienced God through His Son. He is the only way to do so.

 

[Ben007]

I was born into a Hindu family.

However at the moment I don’t know whether there is a god or not

1) Why would a god let a child get murded or why would he not prevent a rape, or why would he not prevent an earthquake before it happens.

2) With so many religions which one is right for example one says you go to heaven or hell the other says you get reincarnated surely both things cant happen.

3) Why does god not be proved himself like come on TV?

4) If believing in god improves ones life why are there atheists out there who are rich and successful?

5) Who made humans, such complex only can be god however who made god he’s even more complex.

6) Also if god works through humans why cant this be proved, all prove is subjective, however why has no one passed the james randi challenge.

A lot of people I look up to are very religious, and it would give meaning to my life plus death wouldn’t seem as scary.

I know I cant be persuaded to believe in god, but how can I find god so I believe in him.
I want to believe in god not because someone convinces me but because I convince myself., i.e hopefully through experiencing god.

-------------------

If you convince me that something or someone else created the Universe, I will quit believing in the God that you would like to believe and can't be persuaded to.

Go ahead, how did the Universe come about without the existence of God, the Creator? I am all ears.

I think the problem with you is that you are bringing in your mind an anthropomorphic idea of what God could be. For a starter, let me tell you that God is absolutely One and incorporeal at that. If you want to see first to believe, you might as well forget it.
Ben

 

[rita727]

Hi, I'm Rita. My answers are in blue.

I was born into a Hindu family.

However at the moment I don’t know whether there is a god or not

1) Why would a god let a child get murded or why would he not prevent a rape, or why would he not prevent an earthquake before it happens.

Look in the book of Genesis, where God creates the world. During that time, the first man, Adam, disobeys God. We do the same thing. We disobey God in different ways--lying, stealing. For others, rape, murder, etc., None of this is good. Suffering is a result of Adam's disobedience to God.

No one likes to suffer, but God can use suffering for His good and for the good of others. We only see things as how they effect US. God sees how they effect everyone plus us. For instance, take the earthquake in Haiti. Many died. It was very sad. But if you look on the news, Haitians are deciding to give up voodoo. Others are now looking to God, instead of witchcraft, and want a relationship with Jesus.

Suffering never feels good, but one thing it does that is good, is bring us to repentance, and gives us reason to cling closer to God.

2) With so many religions which one is right for example one says you go to heaven or hell the other says you get reincarnated surely both things cant happen.

True. Each religion is different. But here's how Christianity is special: Christianity is the only religion that says you cannot save yourself. Christianity says that in whatever you do, you cannot earn God's forgiveness, or favor. All other religions do: whether its through fasting, giving, tithing, and whatever else. All these things are good. But they don't earn you anything with God. Christianity is the ONLY religion that says because you're helpless to get a relationship with God because we do so many bad things, God himself came to US instead, as Jesus Christ. And through Christ's death, we have a relationship with God. Our "work" is to trust in Christ as our Savior and God. Whatever else we do, after trusting in Jesus, is out of love for Him, not by trying to earn our way into Heaven.

3) Why does god not be proved himself like come on TV?
God has not left Himself gone unproved.

#1 God proves His existence through nature.
Read Romans 1: 20, 23

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, ...so that men are without excuse. For although they [people] knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. ...They exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

God leaves evidence about His power and abilities through what we see in the world. Take a look at the sky, the stars, the flowers, for example, ...when you look around you have an idea that Someone else bigger than you, more knowing than you, and more creative than you made these things. Although not much, you do get a small idea Someone else exists more powerful than you. But further in the chapter, Romans says people do not accept God, or what they know about Him to be true, even from that HAVE seen.

#2 God proves His existence through our conscience.
Disobedience to God effects our consciences (we don't always feel bad about the things we do, even when they ARE bad). Still, where do we get the idea to do with what we feel is right? Where do we get the idea that it's good to treat someone right, or to treat others well? If you look at nature, it's not "treat others how you'd be treated." Look at the jungle, it's might makes right! And it's not by society, for each society is different. But even with each society, and different teachings within families, how do we come up with of being good to others, even when there's no visible reward for it on Earth? It was given to us by God

(Rom 2:14-15)

(Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, 15since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.)

And lastly,
#3 He's shown Himself through the Scriptures.
Look at the Old and New Testament. Look at GOd's promises. Even for the promises and prophecies concerning Christ's alone, which I believe are over 100 prophecies just for Christ, they are all kept.

#4--WHich also leads us to the another proof, Christ Himself. He's the incarnate proof of God's existence. He's the image of the invisible God, according to Colossians, who became human (John 1).

4) If believing in god improves ones life why are there atheists out there who are rich and successful?

WHOA-WHOA-WHOA! WHO told you believing in GOd would make you rich and successful?? Jesus was poor. So many of His apostles (1 Cor 4). Christ didn't die for us to be rich, but to give us a new relationship with God. This idea of "trusting in God for wealth," the propsperity Gospel, is heresy, lies.

5) Who made humans, such complex only can be god however who made god he’s even more complex. God created us. Look at the book of Genesis.

6) Also if god works through humans why cant this be proved, all prove is subjective, however why has no one passed the james randi challenge.

What proof do you have that God doesn't work through people?

Now, let me ask you another question:
If you were given answers to your questions, would you give you life to Christ?

 

[Sketcher]

Why would a god let a child get murded or why would he not prevent a rape, or why would he not prevent an earthquake before it happens.

I don't really know, but this is a world broken by sin that we live in. And I honestly prefer this admittedly vague explanation than the one karma affords, which would reason that the child was a murderer or the girl was a rapist in a past life. I believe in at least recognizing that the victim is really a victim here, which I see that you're doing.

With so many religions which one is right for example one says you go to heaven or hell the other says you get reincarnated surely both things cant happen.

Right, both things can't happen. I believe Christianity is true, thus I believe in Heaven and Hell, and that Jesus Christ is the only way into Heaven.

Why does god not be proved himself like come on TV?

God has left enough clues in nature and in life's events to lead people to faith in him. There have been times when God has been more evident, but it didn't really help matters - he was walking and talking with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, but they still sinned. He appeared as a pillar of smoke by day and a pillar of fire by night to the nation of Israel wandering in the desert, but many in that generation consistently and deeply lost faith in him.

If believing in god improves ones life why are there atheists out there who are rich and successful?

Christianity isn't supposed to improve your life. Don't let the "prosperity gospel" people fool you. Christianity gets you forgiveness of sins, citizenship in Heaven, and the Holy Spirit. It also gets you in trouble with evil people, as the first Christians, and many Christians today outside of the West are finding out. Christians in India have a very bad time of it, for example. I wouldn't dare tell them that they wouldn't be persecuted or that they would become rich or that all their health problems would go away if only they had enough faith. Anyone who does that deserves some holy wrath thrown at them.

Who made humans, such complex only can be god however who made god he’s even more complex.

Eventually, you're going to get to the point where something or someone was never made, and simply always was. We believe God is that "first cause."

Also if god works through humans why cant this be proved, all prove is subjective, however why has no one passed the james randi challenge.

Why does anyone need to accept his challenge?

I know I cant be persuaded to believe in god, but how can I find god so I believe in him.
I want to believe in god not because someone convinces me but because I convince myself., i.e hopefully through experiencing god.

Well, believing isn't very hard to do. You simply believe, or you don't, given the information you have. You can believe in God like you can believe in a place on the other side of the world you've never been to, or in a historical event that you didn't witness. Whether you do believe or not will depend on whether you find the information, or evidence, or clues, that convince you. And part of that will be a spiritual revelation. You'll know when that happens, and I pray that it does.

 

[aiki]

1) Why would a god let a child get murded or why would he not prevent a rape, or why would he not prevent an earthquake before it happens.

Who says He hasn't often prevented these things? I think He has. Of course He hasn't stopped every instance of evil that has occurred because doing so would rob of us any real opportunity to choose between good and evil, between obeying Him and not obeying, between loving Him and hating Him. There have been many instances when people have called upon God for protection from rapists and/or murderers, or for safety in the midst of natural disasters, and He has given it.

Death and destruction are in large part the result of sin. We see the awfulness of disobeying God in the destructive results of our sin.

God also uses evil to reveal His justice, His holiness, and His righteous judgment to mankind.

There are other answers I could give to your question, but these are the first to come to mind.

2) With so many religions which one is right for example one says you go to heaven or hell the other says you get reincarnated surely both things cant happen.

No, they can't both be true. All paths do not lead to the top of the mountain.

One of the ways you may arrive at which religion is true is by assessing how well it fits with one's most basic intuitions about reality. For instance, does my most basic intuition agree with the idea that the world rests on the backs of four elephants who stand on the back of a giant turtle in a sea of milk? No. Also, how well do the "truths" of a particular religion correspond to objective reality? Are the claims of a religion reasonable? Are they logical?

3) Why does god not be proved himself like come on TV?

He has given sufficient evidence for His existence in the world He has made and by His coming to earth in the person of Jesus Christ. He "became flesh and lived among us," performed countless miracles, allowed Himself to be crucified for our sakes on a cross, and then rose from the dead. I think He has "proved Himself" quite thoroughly.

4) If believing in god improves ones life why are there atheists out there who are rich and successful?

For the Christian, "improving one's life" has nothing to do with accumulating material wealth. A man can "gain the whole world but lose his own soul" the Bible says. First and foremost, belief in God improves one's eternal, spiritual condition. An atheist may pass through life on this planet in the lap of luxury, but if he dies an atheist, he will spend eternity in hell. A Christian may suffer deprivation and want all through his life, but when he dies he will spend eternity in the glorious presence of His Maker. As the Bible explains, "A man's life does not consist in the abundance of the things which he possesses."

God "makes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust," the Bible says. Both Christian and atheist benefit from God's goodness, though the atheist denies that this is so.

5) Who made humans, such complex only can be god however who made god he’s even more complex.

If God is "made," then He is not God. By definition, God must be uncaused.

6) Also if god works through humans why cant this be proved, all prove is subjective, however why has no one passed the james randi challenge.

All proof is subjective? Please explain.

A lot of people I look up to are very religious, and it would give meaning to my life plus death wouldn’t seem as scary.

Being "religious" and walking with God are not the same thing.

I know I cant be persuaded to believe in god, but how can I find god so I believe in him.

God says that when we search for Him with all our heart, we will find Him. He says if we will draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. You're right: You cannot be persuaded to a genuine, saving faith in God without His drawing, enlightening influence. You want to find God? Ask Him to reveal Himself to you. Only He can give you "repentance to the acknowledging of the truth."

I want to believe in god not because someone convinces me but because I convince myself., i.e hopefully through experiencing god.

You cannot experience God before you believe in Him, only after you have done so.

Peace.

 

[childofGod31]

I was born into a Hindu family.

However at the moment I don’t know whether there is a god or not

1) Why would a god let a child get murded or why would he not prevent a rape, or why would he not prevent an earthquake before it happens.

I believe that because God gave people free will, He is trying to stay away and let our lives take its course. When we come close to God and give Him our will and life, He then directs it and guides us to eternal life. I believe that God is letting all the evil happen here on earth so that nobody in eternity would ever be tempted to have a repeat of everything. He maybe is trying to show the world what happens when people don't walk in God's way and instead rebel and follow their own evil desires. Perhaps He wants us to experience what happens when evil reigns, so that we wouldn't want it to happen ever again.

2) With so many religions which one is right for example one says you go to heaven or hell the other says you get reincarnated surely both things cant happen.

I realize your dilemma. The only thing I can tell you is what Jesus said:

Joh 7:17 If anyone chooses to do God's will, he will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own.

In other words, the true God is watching and is out there and is everywhere. And He said: if you seek me with all your heart soul and mind you will find me.

He will meet you half way, but you have to be diligent in searching for Him. You can talk to Him even now. He is present everywhere. He hears every thought/word, and He even knows your heart completely. Nobody knows you like He does. And nobody forgives you like He does. And nobody loves you as much as He does. He talks to me and He told me all these things. He is infinitely more loving than anyone on earth and therefore nobody can love you as much as He does. And people won't understand you and won't forgive you for certain things, but God always will. He knows why you did certain things and He is there always waiting for you to come to Him and to find your home with Him.


3) Why does god not be proved himself like come on TV?

It was not His plan. But I believe that soon (not sure when) people will start to see much more. Through one of the prophesies He said: I will dispel the notion that I don't move in powerful ways. In other words, there will be a revelation of God. But the hard times are coming and I recommend you find Him BEFORE all this starts to happen because if you do, He then will be your shelter and your refuge.
There will be many false "Christs", and weird things happening masquerading as from God. But God will keep those who love the truth from being deceived. So if you love the truth and good and you seek God, He will help you to know somehow.

4) If believing in god improves ones life why are there atheists out there who are rich and successful?

God's goal is NOT to make us rich and successful here. This earth is like a testing ground, like school. What we do here determines our rewards in the future life and who will be. It's like we are going to school in order to work in the future. It's like we are learning and choosing a profession here in order to have it in the future. I am speaking figuratively. So use your life wisely. Don't live it for yourself, don't waste it. INVEST it. Invest it in seeking God and living for God and you will reap great rewards in the future (in eternity.). But God ALSO blesses here, but not necessarily in material riches (although that's not excluded). But He cares about the wellbeing of our soul much more than our body. Sometimes riches corrupt and spoil the soul and in this case it wouldn't be in our best interests to get rich here.
God said: if a man gains the whole world, but loses his soul, what profit is it? This life is only about 70 years, it's like vapor, but eternity lasts forever. And what we do here determines the future. So use this chance wisely.

5) Who made humans, such complex only can be god however who made god he’s even more complex.

He always was. It's just the way it is.

6) Also if god works through humans why cant this be proved, all prove is subjective, however why has no one passed the james randi challenge.

If God wanted to prove something, He could. But His plans are different. His ways are beyond our understanding. He wants us to live by faith. He wants us to look with our heart and to see what we can see through believing instead of seeing with physical eyes. But nevertheless, there are lots and lots of stories out there with miracles. And he talks to me. So that's proof too. He talks to lots of people.

A lot of people I look up to are very religious, and it would give meaning to my life plus death wouldn’t seem as scary.

Being religious could be a trap. Sometimes religious people miss the whole point. Jesus told to the pharisees (religious people of His time) that tax collectors and prostitutes are going to heaven ahead of you (in other words, the sinners are getting to heaven faster than religious people). Why? Because religious people focus on their religions, but the sinners come straight to God Himself and do what He tells them. God wants to us LIVE in Spirit. In other words, not follow any traditions or rituals of any sort, but simply to LIVE, to talk to Him, to love Him and to love others around us. Some people think that being a Christian means to go to church on Sundays. Not so. Being a Christian means to believe in God and Jesus and to do what Jesus did. To love and to help and to keep away from all evil.

What going to church should be about is simply to gather with those who are like minded to talk about God, to share stories, to encourage one another and then to go out there and LIVE as God tells them to. Instead, people think that going to church itself IS serving God. No, going to church is like a gas station. You stop for a minute, get some gas and then keep on driving. Christians think that driving is the same as stopping to get gas. So they park at the gas station and say: oh, I went driving today for two hours. (In other words: I sat at the gas station for 2 hours today).

I know I cant be persuaded to believe in god, but how can I find god so I believe in him.
I want to believe in god not because someone convinces me but because I convince myself., i.e hopefully through experiencing god.

Good. Experiencing God is the best way to go. He wants to experience you too (He told me that He likes to experience me). So Let Him. Let Him into your heart by seeking Him diligently, but turning away from evil, by studying about Him in the Bible and by talking to Him daily in your thoughts.