I really have no idea what to do at this point..

[InconditusUnus]

Just about everything I have ever known is now coming into question by me. Those who are around me, the things I've learned and as of lately, my religion. I was born into a Catholic family who are quite religious, and I haven't bothered to question the things I've learned until now.

Now, I'm sure some people might think "it's normal to be uncertain" but in my case I suppose you could say I'm more than just uncertain. Lately, I've been going through a rough time in terms of my father (I haven't seen him in a long time because my parents are not together and he forgot my birthday yet again) and I'm struggling with sin. In fact.. I think I've lost God and I don't even know what I believe in anymore. I feel as though.. I believe in God but it doesn't feel to me like He's there at all. When I pray, it feels like I'm just talking to myself in my head and no one is listening.. Could it be because I've drifted so far away from God out of my own sin?

Then there is another thing that is troubling me. I know I'm very young to be worrying about such a thing at 16, but I've decided that I don't want to get married or have children. I've even considered getting a vasectomy when I'm 18 (I understand it's permanent in quite a lot of cases, and I've thought about it a lot. Maybe I'll even have sperm frozen so that in the future should I want to have a child then I'll retake upon that sperm) I don't think my parents would be supportive of my decision of not wanting to get married or have children. Am I selfish to think this way? Did the apostle Paul himself not say that marriage is not necessary? Also, I don't remember hearing anything about Jesus being married or having children in the Bible either..

Now, when it comes down to it, I've also thought a lot about sex. As I grow older and older it can't be helped. But.. my decision to not get married sort of makes my stomach turn a bit. While I feel like I've drifted from God, I still don't want to commit as many sins as I am, and I know that sex outside of marriage (whether you intend to marry the person or not) is a sin, and that's what bothers me a lot. If I choose to not get married, then does that means that I'll never be able to experience sex?


Now you might be thinking: "What's so bad about marriage?" The thing is I don't want to get married mainly for the fact that I wouldn't really be doing anyone a favor by getting married. On top of that, western society is crazy these days, and I hear that the divorce rate is up to 50% which is absolutely ridiculous in my opinion. If I get married and if my wife decides that she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore she can easily end up taking half of my money (or more) and in quite a few cases I could easily be forced to pay alimony for the rest of my life. I'm just so afraid of that happening that I just do not want to run the risk and don't want to get married. I don't want to have kids for pretty much the same reason. One guy I know got trapped into paying child support for 18 years because his wife cheated on him and SHE committed paternity fraud so now he is forced to pay child support for a kid that isn't even his. So.. I don't want bad things to happen.


Anyways.. I think I've done enough rambling for today.. if anyone can even bare to read through my idiotic topic then bless you.. I know I probably don't deserve to be helped anyways.

 

[Jakihe]

Just about everything I have ever known is now coming into question by me. Those who are around me, the things I've learned and as of lately, my religion. I was born into a Catholic family who are quite religious, and I haven't bothered to question the things I've learned until now.

Now, I'm sure some people might think "it's normal to be uncertain" but in my case I suppose you could say I'm more than just uncertain. Lately, I've been going through a rough time in terms of my father (I haven't seen him in a long time because my parents are not together and he forgot my birthday yet again) and I'm struggling with sin. In fact.. I think I've lost God and I don't even know what I believe in anymore. I feel as though.. I believe in God but it doesn't feel to me like He's there at all. When I pray, it feels like I'm just talking to myself in my head and no one is listening.. Could it be because I've drifted so far away from God out of my own sin?


Then there is another thing that is troubling me. I know I'm very young to be worrying about such a thing at 16, but I've decided that I don't want to get married or have children. I've even considered getting a vasectomy when I'm 18 (I understand it's permanent in quite a lot of cases, and I've thought about it a lot. Maybe I'll even have sperm frozen so that in the future should I want to have a child then I'll retake upon that sperm) I don't think my parents would be supportive of my decision of not wanting to get married or have children. Am I selfish to think this way? Did the apostle Paul himself not say that marriage is not necessary? Also, I don't remember hearing anything about Jesus being married or having children in the Bible either..

Now, when it comes down to it, I've also thought a lot about sex. As I grow older and older it can't be helped. But.. my decision to not get married sort of makes my stomach turn a bit. While I feel like I've drifted from God, I still don't want to commit as many sins as I am, and I know that sex outside of marriage (whether you intend to marry the person or not) is a sin, and that's what bothers me a lot. If I choose to not get married, then does that means that I'll never be able to experience sex?


Now you might be thinking: "What's so bad about marriage?" The thing is I don't want to get married mainly for the fact that I wouldn't really be doing anyone a favor by getting married. On top of that, western society is crazy these days, and I hear that the divorce rate is up to 50% which is absolutely ridiculous in my opinion. If I get married and if my wife decides that she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore she can easily end up taking half of my money (or more) and in quite a few cases I could easily be forced to pay alimony for the rest of my life. I'm just so afraid of that happening that I just do not want to run the risk and don't want to get married. I don't want to have kids for pretty much the same reason. One guy I know got trapped into paying child support for 18 years because his wife cheated on him and SHE committed paternity fraud so now he is forced to pay child support for a kid that isn't even his. So.. I don't want bad things to happen.


Anyways.. I think I've done enough rambling for today.. if anyone can even bare to read through my idiotic topic then bless you.. I know I probably don't deserve to be helped anyways.

I think it's good that you're wise, and thinking of your future, but I think you are jumping too far ahead. You are worrying about so much that you're causing yourself anxiety.
You are looking at the down side of things too. True, there is such a thing as divorce and people who lie and cheat but you know, you are going to experience problems in this life no matter what your final decisions are.
And yes, it is sin to have sex outside of marriage.
You know, there are marriages that last. The problem is, you cannot walk into a marriage with the idea that it will end in divorce or it's doomed already.
Everything in this life is risky. We have to take chances at some things or then we are left unhappy anyway, but full of regrets for all the things we didn't do.
I say to find yourself first. Yes, I think sin can block our blessings. I think sin puts a wall up between you and God.
Focus on your life with God first.
I believe once you feel good about yourself, spiritually, you will feel so much differently about life in general including relationships.
I really believe there is someone special out there for everyone.
Trust me; you don't know how you are going to feel in 2 years, or 4....
Tell yourself it's ok to stop worrying and know that we all change and mature with time; we never stop growing.
God should be the core of your life. Go from there. Read your Bible, search for good sermons on YT, pray.
I'll remember you in my prayers.
And of course you deserve to be helped. God really does love us all.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Oh to be young again.

You don't have to pay alimoney the rest of your life. Child support is another matter.

Don't worry about getting married or getting a vesectomy right now. Just be responsible about it if it comes up. There are many great women out there. Only spend your time with ones that come from a good family like one you might want to have someday. Your girl will treat you like her mom treats her dad if you treat her like her dad treats her mom. Get that straight and apply it and it will save you lots of trouble.

As for your dad. You don't have to agree with him but as a ward of his you have to respect him and his beliefs. Being respectful of him will pay off big if you can use it to help you get your career established. At the age you're at it is normal to question everything you have been taught. That is okay. Don't let it turn you against those who love you and want you to do well.

 

[BigNorsk]

Ahh, you are a deep thinker. Life can be tough for those people.

First of all, some of your information isn't correct. 50% of marriages don't end in divorce. That's a very popular made up statistic derived by taking one period of time and extrapolating it over a life. Only problem is, it doesn't seem to be at all accurate.

Doesn't mean divorce doesn't happen, but you have a lot of influence on that.

What happens is people seem to overlook all sorts of things when dating. But when they get married, suddenly they quit overlooking and start controlling each other. It's like they were committed when they were dating but the marriage ceremony was the end of the commitment and the start of the demanding.

From a Lutheran perspective it's a confusion of Law and Gospel. Dating is the time for law, you have standards and when someone is outside that, you walk away. Marriage is the time for Gospel. A symbol of the relationship between Christ and his Church.

If your marriage actually was a refuge from the world, a place of unconditional love, and working together as one. Well, you'd have to be insane to walk away from that. The thing is, you have to find the person who will share that with you.

Learn to look past the outside. Men tend to want beauty and women want money and they both tend to marry people that should never marry anyone to get what they want. If you ask them they know what they should want and they will usually list what they should want, but in practice they ignore that and go for what they really want.

Forget the whole vasectomy and freezing sperm thing. Honestly, if you don't find the right woman you are better off not having children anyway, and if you do, well, using frozen sperm is a big expensive hassel you don't need.

There are other, much less permanent, very effective forms of birth control. If you are so in lust you are willing to throw every sensible thing in your life out the door for sex, well that's a good warning sign. Learn to stop. If it's so much a rush you can't use birth control, you, a deep thinker just aren't likely to get into that situation.

You might notice the chearleader types, they do that sort of thing all the time, but they are different than you. You are worried about things like pregnancy and venereal diseases and such, they actually aren't.

Society is always a mess, don't buy into the myth that everything was great if you just go back 50 years, that the longest running generational myth going. Everyone wasn't a virgin until marriage, everyone didn't have 2 1/2 kids a car and a home. Health care wasn't perfect, though it was pretty cheap. Not everyone was a saint.

Society is always a mess, the thing is to carve out a life for yourself that isn't. And that's quit possible now and has been. Just most people chose to follow the herd and have a mess. You are a deep thinker and don't have to follow the herd.

 

[DrFrank]

It's tragic that this young man is being given advice to disregard Jesus' teaching on marriage.Let's get it on the record so that those who try to encourage others to lead the same non-spiritual lives they are leading,can easily be spotted:

Luke 20:34-36 (New King James Version)

34 Jesus answered and said to them, “The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35 But those who are counted worthy to attain that age, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage; 36 nor can they die anymore, for they are equal to the angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.

And here is why:

1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (New King James Version)

32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. 33 But HE WHO IS MARRIED CARES ABOUT THE THINGS OF THE WORLD,how he may please his wife. 34 There is a difference between a wife and a virgin.THE UNMARRIED WOMAN CARES ABOUT THE THINGS OF THE LORD, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world,how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may SERVE THE LORD WITHOUT DISTRACTION.

DEDICATE YOUR LIFE TO GOD NOT THE FLESH!

 

[Peripatetic]

As others have indicated, you are a deep thinker who really considers things. Sometimes that can become a problem though: it's sometimes called paralysis by analysis. It certainly reminds me of me at your age (and I still deal with it now!).

Even if you feel that you've lost God, He hasn't lost site of you. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Don't make any long-term decisions at this point (like a vasectomy). You have plenty of time to consider them, and trust me: your perspectives will change over time.

If you are feeling a distance from God, the best thing to do is find a little bit more time each day to read His word. Maybe find a daily devotional book or web site. It only takes about 10 minutes per day, and it really helps to keep you connected.

 

[InconditusUnus]

Thank you all for your kind words. Perhaps I am over analyzing things and maybe it's not all as bad as it seems.

By the way Dr. Frank, I cannot message you back because I don't have 15 posts yet, but I guess I could take you up on your offer.

 

[visionary]

Stay firm with your convictions regarding relationships, sounds like you have a good solid foundation in that department. Focus on your future, plan on the best and the worse case scenerios, don't be surprised if either happens. Glad to hear that you have given serious thoughts on the subject. Lots of people have not thought that far ahead. They are usually the ones in a mess of problems because they didn't.

 

[Hiroyuki]

Then there is another thing that is troubling me. I know I'm very young to be worrying about such a thing at 16, but I've decided that I don't want to get married or have children. I've even considered getting a vasectomy when I'm 18 (I understand it's permanent in quite a lot of cases, and I've thought about it a lot. Maybe I'll even have sperm frozen so that in the future should I want to have a child then I'll retake upon that sperm) I don't think my parents would be supportive of my decision of not wanting to get married or have children. Am I selfish to think this way? Did the apostle Paul himself not say that marriage is not necessary? Also, I don't remember hearing anything about Jesus being married or having children in the Bible either..

Uhm... children are a blessing. There is nothing wrong with getting a vasectomy, but at sixteen you may have not even met the person for you... and that is a mutual decision thing.

Alimony, etc, etc... you are sixteen...

You are trying to plan out your life way ahead of time when God says you have enough to worry about today.


Planning is fine, as long as it is through God. Maybe it is. Maybe it is not. But, God is flexible and you can ask whatever you want from God.