I really don't understand guys...

[My Savior My God]

I don't understand why my boyfriend does the things he does!?!?!

Just some bg info: We've been dating for a year and 4 months and we are definitely thinking about bringing marriage into the picture, so its pretty serious.

Anyway, lately things have been really weird. Jordan-my b/f. seems really distant. I'm sure that he's under a lot of stress, He's working and going to school full time-he hardly ever gets to see his friends cuz of their conflicting schedules. So i can understand why he is being distant, I just don't understand why he won't tell me about his struggles and stuff, even when i ask.

We are both Christians and have faith in the Lord, he doesn't ever talk to me about that either. I feel like i'm not even a part of his life. Maybe i'm seeing this all wrong, does anyone have any advice?

 

[waxlion10]

I don't understand why my boyfriend does the things he does!?!?!

Just some bg info: We've been dating for a year and 4 months and we are definitely thinking about bringing marriage into the picture, so its pretty serious.

Anyway, lately things have been really weird. Jordan-my b/f. seems really distant. I'm sure that he's under a lot of stress, He's working and going to school full time-he hardly ever gets to see his friends cuz of their conflicting schedules. So i can understand why he is being distant, I just don't understand why he won't tell me about his struggles and stuff, even when i ask.

We are both Christians and have faith in the Lord, he doesn't ever talk to me about that either. I feel like i'm not even a part of his life. Maybe i'm seeing this all wrong, does anyone have any advice?

That's a frustrating place to be in, and I'm sorry for the stress this lack of communication is putting on you and your relationship.

First, let me say that I have been dating my boyfriend for three years and could have written this post at many times during the past three years

Be careful how you approach him. My boyfriend pointed out that a lot of times, I would kind of pry if he was being distant. Like, nag, keep asking over and over, etc. He said that THAT made him NOT want to tell me even MORE, so he got further away. And I'd ask more. It was a vicious cycle.

You can try several things to open up the door for Jordan to share his life with you.

First, just focus on having fun together. Even if it's just a fun talk about something random. Try not to add to his stress by nagging him to share what's wrong The way you're approaching the situation may be turning him off to talking to you without even knowing it (as was the case with me and my bf).

Secondly, just ask him, "How are you doing? Really, how are you doing?" and be caring and accepting. If he chooses not to tell you, just let him know that you are praying for him and here no matter what. It might take him some time to finally share what is on his heart with you.

Third, and I hate to bring this up because I don't know you guys, but it could be that he's experiencing doubts about the relationship and that's why he doesn't want to talk. If you sense things are "weird" and you are at all paranoid about him breaking up with you, it will probably show whether you want it to or not We girls seem to get clingier if we sense something is wrong while sometimes, those times of "weirdness" are when guys just really need their space!

I know you say you're thinking/talking marriage, so I don't want to freak you out. But the truth is that just thinking or talking about it doesn't always make it inevitable

About his relationship with God... the times when I don't talk to people about God is when I'm struggling in my relationship with Him and don't want to admit it to others. I recently went through this with my boyfriend. I eventually emailed him a big, long email about how I'd been having some questions about my faith, etc. I said that I'd been scared to tell him because I wasn't sure how he'd react and I didn't want him to "hate" me for it... but this is who I am and where I'm at in my faith.

He texted me and said, "I got your email, baby. Don't worry; I know exactly what you mean. We can talk about it over Christmas break when we're together, as much as you like."

So sometimes instead of me nagging, taking that step to open up with him really helped our communication.

I hope something I've said has helped. Feel free to PM anytime

 

[Windmill]

I don't understand why my boyfriend does the things he does!?!?!

Just some bg info: We've been dating for a year and 4 months and we are definitely thinking about bringing marriage into the picture, so its pretty serious.

Anyway, lately things have been really weird. Jordan-my b/f. seems really distant. I'm sure that he's under a lot of stress, He's working and going to school full time-he hardly ever gets to see his friends cuz of their conflicting schedules. So i can understand why he is being distant, I just don't understand why he won't tell me about his struggles and stuff, even when i ask.

We are both Christians and have faith in the Lord, he doesn't ever talk to me about that either. I feel like i'm not even a part of his life. Maybe i'm seeing this all wrong, does anyone have any advice?

Its not because he's a guy, its just a personality thing.

Answer is to talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling etc.

 

[bgus88]

That's a frustrating place to be in, and I'm sorry for the stress this lack of communication is putting on you and your relationship.

First, let me say that I have been dating my boyfriend for three years and could have written this post at many times during the past three years

Be careful how you approach him. My boyfriend pointed out that a lot of times, I would kind of pry if he was being distant. Like, nag, keep asking over and over, etc. He said that THAT made him NOT want to tell me even MORE, so he got further away. And I'd ask more. It was a vicious cycle.

You can try several things to open up the door for Jordan to share his life with you.

First, just focus on having fun together. Even if it's just a fun talk about something random. Try not to add to his stress by nagging him to share what's wrong The way you're approaching the situation may be turning him off to talking to you without even knowing it (as was the case with me and my bf).

Secondly, just ask him, "How are you doing? Really, how are you doing?" and be caring and accepting. If he chooses not to tell you, just let him know that you are praying for him and here no matter what. It might take him some time to finally share what is on his heart with you.

Third, and I hate to bring this up because I don't know you guys, but it could be that he's experiencing doubts about the relationship and that's why he doesn't want to talk. If you sense things are "weird" and you are at all paranoid about him breaking up with you, it will probably show whether you want it to or not We girls seem to get clingier if we sense something is wrong while sometimes, those times of "weirdness" are when guys just really need their space!

I know you say you're thinking/talking marriage, so I don't want to freak you out. But the truth is that just thinking or talking about it doesn't always make it inevitable

About his relationship with God... the times when I don't talk to people about God is when I'm struggling in my relationship with Him and don't want to admit it to others. I recently went through this with my boyfriend. I eventually emailed him a big, long email about how I'd been having some questions about my faith, etc. I said that I'd been scared to tell him because I wasn't sure how he'd react and I didn't want him to "hate" me for it... but this is who I am and where I'm at in my faith.

He texted me and said, "I got your email, baby. Don't worry; I know exactly what you mean. We can talk about it over Christmas break when we're together, as much as you like."

So sometimes instead of me nagging, taking that step to open up with him really helped our communication.

I hope something I've said has helped. Feel free to PM anytime [/QUO

Even though my ex is a Christian I wish she would have had a talk with me about how she was feeling and what se wanted. If she thought God wasn't in it I wish she would have told me instead of walking away. Now I'm left confused and stranded and hurt big time. This post was and is helpful for the future for my next relationship if i ever have one in the near future. Thanks for the post

 

[Luther073082]

I don't understand why my boyfriend does the things he does!?!?!

Just some bg info: We've been dating for a year and 4 months and we are definitely thinking about bringing marriage into the picture, so its pretty serious.

Anyway, lately things have been really weird. Jordan-my b/f. seems really distant. I'm sure that he's under a lot of stress, He's working and going to school full time-he hardly ever gets to see his friends cuz of their conflicting schedules. So i can understand why he is being distant, I just don't understand why he won't tell me about his struggles and stuff, even when i ask.

We are both Christians and have faith in the Lord, he doesn't ever talk to me about that either. I feel like i'm not even a part of his life. Maybe i'm seeing this all wrong, does anyone have any advice?

A lot of times guys prefer to swallow their struggles instead of talk about them.

With me, some problems I want to talk with my GF about. But sometimes to deal with them I need time by myself to just sort of come to terms with the whole thing.

Here is what I would caution you:

Don't be too pushy about marriage. In fact at this point I wouldn't push at all. You guys are a bit young and personally I don't recommend ANYONE get married prior to 20 unless there is a child involved. You guys are young and it definatly won't help if you are trying to rush him to the altar. Now 23 I was feeling emotionally ready to get married, I wanted to. But if I would have dated a girl at 18 or 19 and she started talking about marriage I would have ran the other way. Not because I never wanted to but because I at that time was not emotionally prepared and still felt like a "kid". I think everyone deserves and even more NEEDS that time between childhood and adulthood to sort of figure things out.

If he was older in his mid 20's I would not have a bit of problem with you pushing marriage. At 18, its different. Its not a comment about your love or your ability to marry, but I personally think its better to spend a few years of adulthood getting experience taking care of yourself before you commit yourself to taking care of another person for the rest of your life.

I don't know anything about the situation but I'm going to throw out there that you should make sure you are not creating the conflicts with seeing his friends.

Give him a lot of grace. Going to school full time and working full time and then not seeing your friends at all is hard on anyone. He may have bouts of grumpyness.