I need to vent

Michie said:

Am I disturbed or upset? I'm something...I dunno. Should I be?

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Michie said:

Am I disturbed or upset? I'm something...I dunno. Should I be?

I always question myself. Scold myself, you name it.

Anyway, last week when I was getting prepared to do my communion duties, I stopped off at Church to get the Eucharist from the tabernacle. As I went in to get the key I saw my two priests & our deacon in discussion. The head priest stopped me & informed me that Betty, one of the people I see has been heard to be gossiping. Just about people in Church particularly. I was shocked. I've never heard her say anything bad about anyone from Church. I mean, she jokes but they are racy off-topic jokes. And one guy she was said to be talking about visits her & I know he jokes with her. A guy in his seventies. They always joke about getting married, etc. Just silly stuff.

The only person I have heard her discuss was her doctor. Does not like her doctor. Not a good bedside manner or something & I guess he screws around with his nurse or something. I just basically change the subject when it comes up.

Anyway, my priest said he discussed it with nursing staff & they said they would try to curb her from it if they heard her doing it.

I went out that day to give her communion & she was just staring off into space. Not talking hardly at all. I felt really bad for her. But I was not sure if it had anything to do with what I was told. She took communion but was very quiet. Not our usual chats & giggling. I told her I would see her the following week & hoped she felt better.

I called the priest & left a voicemail for him that I was concerned. Betty was not herself & I felt bad for her. Also, that I have never heard her discuss anyone in Church in a bad way.

Never got a reply but I really did not expect to.

So this week, I'm out making my rounds. Betty is usually my last I give communion to because she likes to talk & laugh & just generally discuss her feelings.

I was shocked & upset. She was responsive but barely. She was cold. She just took a miniscule piece of communion & I talked her into that. She was COLD. She looked like she was in the process of dying.

She was barely audible & tried to hold my hand. She tried to squeeze it but it was very weak. I was soooo upset. I told her to get better & I loved her, etc.

Before I left the facility I called the office & asked to talk to the priests. Nobody there. Deacon? Nobody there. So I left a voicemail with the Deacon. I'm sure he could tell I was frustrated. After I left, I decided to swing by the Church. Found our assistant priest there praying & I asked to speak with him. I basically told him my feelings. Told him that normally, I would not be so upset but since that conversation lastweek I was afraid that she was losing her spirit. I mean, if she can't just be herself & if people were curbing her conversation... you know? Especially older sick people.

He did not say much but said he would go out. I did reassure him that I asked the employeees if she was sick & they affirmed that she was. No game of possum or just being upset. I mean, she was cold!

So now I feel bad. I feel bad that maybe the priests & deacon feel I'm accusing them. I'm not really & I don't know what they heard. She is not well & maybe the timing of all this happening was just a coincidence. I worry about what they think. I imagine scenerios of Betty trying to joke & nurses quelling her so she just gives up. I dunno. But I'm uncomfortable with how I feel & everything else I mentioned.

Am I overreacting?

Am I letting my imagination run wild?

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