Ok my girlfriend of 1 year just broke up with me. She disused with me why before she did break up with me, but i guess she wasn't ok with it. I never really believed in god and to her its a huge issue. Go through all this pain has opened my eyes about god, and I have tried my best to convey that to her. The best way i can really describe everything her and i are feeling is to just post our texting conversation we have been having. If anyone has advice on what i should or can do, please help.....
Here is our conversation....
me: I know that, I didn't think about. I've run the cambit from being super to extremely depressed. I more of a mess then u know.... I'm so confused and conflicted, my mind doesnt know what todo and I can't sort out whats right. And its not even all about us its the rest of my life...
her: Calm down, I understand. I know ur going to be fine. I cant handle my own feelings let alone both of ours...
me: I calm now I just got figure out the right path. I have always loved my life and I can just jump right back into it where I left off. But what has me really messed up is I have gotten a feeling I've never had. I don't know if its god talking to me or what, but its telling me to make different choices then what my life is dictating. And why I'm so messed up if this is god, then it completely destroys everything I have always believed. That's why I was saying its even bigger than us.....
her: Im not sure what u mean, im going to bed
me: What I'm saying is I'm getting a wierd feeling like god or someone is talking to me and I've never had this before.... I just don't know what it is or what to make of it....
(this is the next day after Ive talked to a few people)
Me: Murph I know this is super hard an emotional. And I have been one big mess and that hasn't help out either of us. I have talked with a few people and I have a lot of things figured out. I know we're broken up, but can u atleast meet me once more in person. I can't convey what I need and what to say any other way. We could meet at that park after ur work... Please I really need this.... And dont worry, I'm very calm and rational, so it won't be bad.....
her: Im not doing the best myself and these texts are weighing on me, I cannot physically handle this stuff being said back and forth, and I cannot handle meeting with u,
me: Murph I promise it will help put u at ease, everything makes sense to me now and its clear. your heart is broken too and u know mine is too, but I promise meeting me will make u feel better cause then you'll know I'll be ok after we talk. I absolutely need to talk to you cause this is like my entire life important....
me: After everything we've sone and had please do this one more thing for me
her: For gosh sakes what do u mean this is ur entire life? I cant handle all of this, im trying to work and to b honest ur freaking me out
me: I'm not trying to freak u out.... Please just meet with me. Its more about religion then anything...
her: I would b happy for u if u found God, im done cory, I have too much going on, im about to freak out, im getting extremley anxious right now, im at work and I dont wanna talk after this long day about this stuff its toooo ovrrwhelming for me, extremely, ive been high level anxiouty for weeks and its toppling over, I cant handle this or even think straight, im not saying a month from now we couldnt b friends and talk than but right now I cant and wont its too much I need a break
me: I wanted to say this in person but, baby I spent 2 hours talking with my uncle and and hour with chuck and I even setup a meeting with your pastor on wed. The roller coaster I've been on is a conflict within myself. The last thing I want to do is make u anxious. You gotta understand how much my mother crammed religion down my throat. So I thought I have had everything figured out and god wasn't real and know one could tell me otherwise. I would make my own descions and answer to knowone. But ever since I met you everything changed. There's always something telling me what I should and shouldn't do. I thought it was me making the decisions, but I now know its god. I feel even stronger about it now. I know he's telling me it'll be ok. He has been telling me what to do. Ever since I met you I stopped womanizing and cared about others. I believe god put you infront of me to find him. I'm still figuring everything out and that's why I need help and need to learn. I believe you could help me grow and find him better, so that's why I'm fighting so Hard for you. God has always been there since I met you, its was just my ego there stopping, cause I thought I know everything
me: I've been starting to think this way even before we broke up, actually since we met, Its been a battle between my ego and what I feel. I just haven't had the courage to say anything cause its goes against everything I've always said and I know not even my friends would even understand
me: I've just be so scared about it, I never talked about with anyone. I feel god talking to me now, and it comforting. That's why I'll be ok. If it takes losing you for be to finally be honest with myself then it is worth it and I will find a path, but I really do now believe our path is together and we can grow and be truly happy..... Baby please pray about this.... I will too. Hopefully meeting with your pastors and others will help me understand....
her: Im really really happy to hear u may have found Him, im still a little confused an need to stick to my choice but I truly truly believe everything happens for a reason is God, he has a plan for all of u
me: Baby I didn't find him, he's been there, I just didn't accept it
me: I wish I could turn the clock back before we broke up and I wish I woulda had the courage to say this and accept it before we broke up. That woulda been the life u always dreamed of....
me: I believe too this is his plan. He put this pain on me to test me and see if I would accept him. He put the feeling in you that it want ok for us to be together in you, to push me and test me and see if I would accept him. Now I pray that I passed his test and he puts back the feeling that you love me and its right for us to be together...........
Her: I love u whether im with u or not, I dont know all of Gods plans but I do know that I need to b by myself right now and I would hope that u accepting him is for u and Him and not anything to do with us getting back together, I still want to see the best come from u without us being together, sometimes we know what God has planned for us and sometimes we wont know till it happens, right now I just need some inner peace and knowing ull b okay will help me with that.
me: I have done this whether or not we get back together isn't gonna stop me from accepting him, but I always believe you fight tooth and nail for what u believe and I believe we suppose to be together more than anything. I have never fought like this for anything my entire life, so that's how I know its right. Please do not close the door completely. Just pray abou it and pray for me. Cause Murph if you really meant what you said that our relationship was perfect except the fact I don't believe, u did have what u always wanted with me, I just was too stupid and stubborn, but its here in front of you now so don't let it go.......
me: I want you to be the one that helps me grow closer to him....
me: This why I wanted to meet in person so u could see the change and feel the change in me....
her: I cant say ill change my mind cory, im overwhelmed right now and need some space to think and pray and figure out
me: Murph I know you want this too. I know you feel the same way I do, that you want to be with me..... But your scared all of this stuff I'm saying isn't true, well I truelly do believe in him. This is real, I know he's talking to me right now. He has a plan for us...... I will give you the space u need, I would love if you would see me and see the change. I will continue to figure this out. I'm meeting with your pastor and I'm gonna continue talking with my uncle. I pray he will guide you back...... But I cannot force you into it.... I still love you so much babygirl......
me: One more thing and I promise I'll quit texting you and give ur space for a while. The issue you thought we had, was never the issue. God has been there for me and you the whole time.... The issue was I was to stubborn and scared to accept it. And now it might be too late. God has been talking to me for a long time, I just couldn't comprehend that I was wrong in my beliefs..... You have proved that to me.....
her: K, I hear ya
me: I hear u now too,I know I know I said no more texting but this last thing I have to say. When u tried talking to me before, u broke up with me, I didn't understand and maybe u just couldn't explain how you felt about marriage and believing in god. I understand why this is such an important issue to you, my uncle explained it very well to me and why its everything to u. I now understand why you did break up with me and I do appreciate you really did try and work it out with me before you broke up with me and why this has so heavy on you. You tried saving me before you had to break up with me and I was stupid. I know why its so important to you and I hope its me that gets to walk down the alter with you and get the feeling between you and I and god. So I hope that puts your mind at ease that u now know I understand why you had todo what you did........
Here is our conversation....
me: I know that, I didn't think about. I've run the cambit from being super to extremely depressed. I more of a mess then u know.... I'm so confused and conflicted, my mind doesnt know what todo and I can't sort out whats right. And its not even all about us its the rest of my life...
her: Calm down, I understand. I know ur going to be fine. I cant handle my own feelings let alone both of ours...
me: I calm now I just got figure out the right path. I have always loved my life and I can just jump right back into it where I left off. But what has me really messed up is I have gotten a feeling I've never had. I don't know if its god talking to me or what, but its telling me to make different choices then what my life is dictating. And why I'm so messed up if this is god, then it completely destroys everything I have always believed. That's why I was saying its even bigger than us.....
her: Im not sure what u mean, im going to bed
me: What I'm saying is I'm getting a wierd feeling like god or someone is talking to me and I've never had this before.... I just don't know what it is or what to make of it....
(this is the next day after Ive talked to a few people)
Me: Murph I know this is super hard an emotional. And I have been one big mess and that hasn't help out either of us. I have talked with a few people and I have a lot of things figured out. I know we're broken up, but can u atleast meet me once more in person. I can't convey what I need and what to say any other way. We could meet at that park after ur work... Please I really need this.... And dont worry, I'm very calm and rational, so it won't be bad.....
her: Im not doing the best myself and these texts are weighing on me, I cannot physically handle this stuff being said back and forth, and I cannot handle meeting with u,
me: Murph I promise it will help put u at ease, everything makes sense to me now and its clear. your heart is broken too and u know mine is too, but I promise meeting me will make u feel better cause then you'll know I'll be ok after we talk. I absolutely need to talk to you cause this is like my entire life important....
me: After everything we've sone and had please do this one more thing for me
her: For gosh sakes what do u mean this is ur entire life? I cant handle all of this, im trying to work and to b honest ur freaking me out
me: I'm not trying to freak u out.... Please just meet with me. Its more about religion then anything...
her: I would b happy for u if u found God, im done cory, I have too much going on, im about to freak out, im getting extremley anxious right now, im at work and I dont wanna talk after this long day about this stuff its toooo ovrrwhelming for me, extremely, ive been high level anxiouty for weeks and its toppling over, I cant handle this or even think straight, im not saying a month from now we couldnt b friends and talk than but right now I cant and wont its too much I need a break
me: I wanted to say this in person but, baby I spent 2 hours talking with my uncle and and hour with chuck and I even setup a meeting with your pastor on wed. The roller coaster I've been on is a conflict within myself. The last thing I want to do is make u anxious. You gotta understand how much my mother crammed religion down my throat. So I thought I have had everything figured out and god wasn't real and know one could tell me otherwise. I would make my own descions and answer to knowone. But ever since I met you everything changed. There's always something telling me what I should and shouldn't do. I thought it was me making the decisions, but I now know its god. I feel even stronger about it now. I know he's telling me it'll be ok. He has been telling me what to do. Ever since I met you I stopped womanizing and cared about others. I believe god put you infront of me to find him. I'm still figuring everything out and that's why I need help and need to learn. I believe you could help me grow and find him better, so that's why I'm fighting so Hard for you. God has always been there since I met you, its was just my ego there stopping, cause I thought I know everything
me: I've been starting to think this way even before we broke up, actually since we met, Its been a battle between my ego and what I feel. I just haven't had the courage to say anything cause its goes against everything I've always said and I know not even my friends would even understand
me: I've just be so scared about it, I never talked about with anyone. I feel god talking to me now, and it comforting. That's why I'll be ok. If it takes losing you for be to finally be honest with myself then it is worth it and I will find a path, but I really do now believe our path is together and we can grow and be truly happy..... Baby please pray about this.... I will too. Hopefully meeting with your pastors and others will help me understand....
her: Im really really happy to hear u may have found Him, im still a little confused an need to stick to my choice but I truly truly believe everything happens for a reason is God, he has a plan for all of u
me: Baby I didn't find him, he's been there, I just didn't accept it
me: I wish I could turn the clock back before we broke up and I wish I woulda had the courage to say this and accept it before we broke up. That woulda been the life u always dreamed of....
me: I believe too this is his plan. He put this pain on me to test me and see if I would accept him. He put the feeling in you that it want ok for us to be together in you, to push me and test me and see if I would accept him. Now I pray that I passed his test and he puts back the feeling that you love me and its right for us to be together...........
Her: I love u whether im with u or not, I dont know all of Gods plans but I do know that I need to b by myself right now and I would hope that u accepting him is for u and Him and not anything to do with us getting back together, I still want to see the best come from u without us being together, sometimes we know what God has planned for us and sometimes we wont know till it happens, right now I just need some inner peace and knowing ull b okay will help me with that.
me: I have done this whether or not we get back together isn't gonna stop me from accepting him, but I always believe you fight tooth and nail for what u believe and I believe we suppose to be together more than anything. I have never fought like this for anything my entire life, so that's how I know its right. Please do not close the door completely. Just pray abou it and pray for me. Cause Murph if you really meant what you said that our relationship was perfect except the fact I don't believe, u did have what u always wanted with me, I just was too stupid and stubborn, but its here in front of you now so don't let it go.......
me: I want you to be the one that helps me grow closer to him....
me: This why I wanted to meet in person so u could see the change and feel the change in me....
her: I cant say ill change my mind cory, im overwhelmed right now and need some space to think and pray and figure out
me: Murph I know you want this too. I know you feel the same way I do, that you want to be with me..... But your scared all of this stuff I'm saying isn't true, well I truelly do believe in him. This is real, I know he's talking to me right now. He has a plan for us...... I will give you the space u need, I would love if you would see me and see the change. I will continue to figure this out. I'm meeting with your pastor and I'm gonna continue talking with my uncle. I pray he will guide you back...... But I cannot force you into it.... I still love you so much babygirl......
me: One more thing and I promise I'll quit texting you and give ur space for a while. The issue you thought we had, was never the issue. God has been there for me and you the whole time.... The issue was I was to stubborn and scared to accept it. And now it might be too late. God has been talking to me for a long time, I just couldn't comprehend that I was wrong in my beliefs..... You have proved that to me.....
her: K, I hear ya
me: I hear u now too,I know I know I said no more texting but this last thing I have to say. When u tried talking to me before, u broke up with me, I didn't understand and maybe u just couldn't explain how you felt about marriage and believing in god. I understand why this is such an important issue to you, my uncle explained it very well to me and why its everything to u. I now understand why you did break up with me and I do appreciate you really did try and work it out with me before you broke up with me and why this has so heavy on you. You tried saving me before you had to break up with me and I was stupid. I know why its so important to you and I hope its me that gets to walk down the alter with you and get the feeling between you and I and god. So I hope that puts your mind at ease that u now know I understand why you had todo what you did........
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