I need some help

AngeliaTurner · Aug 9, 2006

I am new to this site. My husband found it and recommend that I come here to talk to someone. I was molested and raped from the age of 9 to 14. It was by two different men. When I was around my parents I tryed to be their sweet innocent little girl but when they were not around I was a totally different person. I turned to drinking when I was not at home and I got pregnant at age 17. I married the father. I thought maybe things would get better but they didn't. I was married to him for 12 years. If I was not feeling good or just not in the mood he would take it anyways. He would flirt with other women right in front of me and deny it. He was emotionally abusing me. After 12 years, I finally got the courage to get out of the marriage. I am now remarried and I love my husband very very much. My past though is making it very hard on my marriage. I have a problem with depression. My husband wants to help but does not know what to do or say. He really does not understand everything that I have been through. It is really putting a stain on my marriage. I have tried counselling with my pastor but I do not feel comfortable telling him everything that happened to me. Can someone please help me?

Johnnz · Aug 10, 2006

You will need supportive counsel for quite a while. Few pastors have the skills and knowledge to give the necessary help.

You will have quite a few issues to face, and doing that with mature counsel will be the most productive way through it all.

Bless you
John

~ Gig ~ · Aug 10, 2006

That is so sad, I will keep you and your husband in my Prayers. God can heal all wounds and pain. He will give you the peace you're looking for.

A big hug for you both

GregoryTurner · Aug 10, 2006

Thank you for that Gig. I really do not know what to say or do to help my wife and it does get quite frustrating for me. I guess support helps. We really have no friends here. There are only 12 members or so at our church and mostly older generation. I guess the best thing that I can do is to pray for her. Thank you both.

AngeliaTurner · Aug 10, 2006

Thanks gig for the prayers. As far as counseling goes it is not an option to go to a therapist. I can not afford one. That is one reason I came here hopeing someone that has been through sexual assault might have some advice for me.

Mr.Cheese · Aug 14, 2006

I recommend he read up on it as well as talk to you. Almost all of what I have come to learn and understand has come from the wonderful girls who have been willing to let me listen to them talk and willing to answer my questions. I think he is in an ideal position to help you through a lot of things especially if he learns more and more.

AngeliaTurner · Aug 15, 2006

I will tell him to come the the thread and read your post.

Ruth~ · Sep 2, 2006

I'm so sorry you went through that Angelia. I have had the same bad experiences. I have PTSD pretty bad. There are doctors and agencies that work on a sliding fee scale and there are some free counselors, too. I think you might be more comfortable with a female counselor from your experience. If you absolutely cannot afford one at all there are Rape Crisis Centers in almost all cities that offer free counseling and group counseling, too, all free. I went to such counseling and group. Always remember you are a worthy child of God and you never did anything to deserve such hideous crimes against you. If you ever want someone to talk to about it you can PM me anytime. I will listen and never judge.

Ruth

Mr.Cheese · Sep 4, 2006

AngeliaTurner said:
I will tell him to come the the thread and read your post.

You as well can read about things. Knowledge is power. The more you understand yourself and how what has happened affects you, the better you will be able to become free from the damage.
You can always talk to me. I'm not anything special, but people seem to be able to open up to me.

Anna N. Amos · Sep 8, 2006

Ya know, Mary J. Blige
was on Oprah. And she had similar things happen to her and she was healed by God. I think she said she wrote about it in a book. Or maybe it was sung about on her album breakthrough.

Anyway, if you go to Oprah's site they have some transcripts

She drank and was trying to fill her pain. Then, she allowed God to do it.

She said she could sit there and think "I was molested, I was molested, I was molested" OR she could push them out and claim that they would no longer have any power over her.

I know when I had to confront my past, it was helpful to have a picture of myself as a child and tell that child (me) that I will be there for her and never let this happen again.

Also, a quiet private place where you can yell at your attackers. I had to put flannel shirts up (they wore flannel) and I had to scream at them Why? Why? How could you hurt a child, you ruined me!

I got the anger out, I told the child it wasn't her fault then I told the adult (me) it was okay to move on. To never let "them" have hold on me again. I allowed the child in me to express how awful it was and I listened to her tiny cries of pain -- I had supressed them up until then. You have to acknowledge the pain -- the picture really helped.

lilymarie · Sep 8, 2006

AngeliaTurner said:
I will tell him to come the the thread and read your post.

AngeliaTurner said:
Thanks gig for the prayers. As far as counseling goes it is not an option to go to a therapist. I can not afford one. That is one reason I came here hopeing someone that has been through sexual assault might have some advice for me.

Hi Angela and Greg,

I am an abuse survivor and I suffer no more. I have been set free and you can too, but it will take work and prayer.

My first advice to you though Angela and Greg is to make some calls to a women's hotline and see if there is any free group counseling for women in your local area. They sometimes let your spouse come in to, or they put him in a men's group so he can understand what you are going through.

I don't want to get your hopes up too high about "free" counseling in your area, as due to the war, there have been many, many programs cut for the needy. There just isn't enough funding. But, do check into it and see what free women's groups are available in your local area. Women's shelters may have them, hospitals may have support groups.
Usually the ladies volunteer their time, that's why it's free to you.

Can you make some calls and let us know if you have found any local support groups for sufferings of abuse in your area?

Call you local mental health centers, they may know of free women's support groups.

It helped me so very much! And, the extra blessings is that you get to help others, too.

You can heal! Never listen to the lie that you can't! Because I know you can.

Also, there may be times you might feel a little "odder" in your emotions during your time of the month. This is something you may also need to have checked out by a doctor. And, men need to be a little patient with us during that time of the month as sometimes it seems our emotions are on a roller-coaster ride, but those emotions can be helped too!

I'll be praying for you both and your family!

Stay positive, patient and strong in The Lord and the fruits of the spirit.

Read the word together.

Look to your blessings of being so supportive and thoughtful to each other. That's wonderful!

AngeliaTurner · Sep 9, 2006

Thank you I really appreciate the advice and most of all the prayers. I will check in to the support groups.

chloeobrien · Sep 24, 2006

I'm really sorry to hear about this. It is a terrible thing to happen and shouldn't happen to anyone. Try searching for a good therapist, or support group in the area. Sometimes hospitals have support groups for this kind of stuff, sometimes community mental health can help. I think you and your husband should try to find a support group. It would be helpful to both of you. I'm not really sure what else to say, but I hope things get better for you!

AngeliaTurner · Oct 7, 2006

Thank you all for your advice and prayers. I have been able to work through alot of things. The fellowship that I have had on here has helped me tremendously. Thank again!

livingword26 · Oct 7, 2006

Also, keep praying for the Lord to bring you to the right people. You may need different kinds of help. Christian counseling of course, but also you need people to be praying over you regularly. You also may need some deliverance ministry specialists. I found some local people through an internet ministry that someone here gave me a link to. Perhaps it may be of use to you also. Here is a link. God bless you and keep you.

http://www.ministeringdeliverance.com/request_referral.php

restore · Oct 10, 2006

Sister, just cheer up and talk to more positive friends and feed yourself with good spiritual food, the dark times will be over soon.
pm me too when u need. u can see what i v been through too from my name.

AngeliaTurner · Oct 10, 2006

Thank you for the link I will go and check it out.
Thank you for the advice as well.

AngeliaTurner · Oct 10, 2006

restore said:
Sister, just cheer up and talk to more positive friends and feed yourself with good spiritual food, the dark times will be over soon.
pm me too when u need. u can see what i v been through too from my name.

Thank you I will remember that.

BelindaP · Oct 10, 2006

I understand exactly where you are. I had a tremendous number of adjustment problems to marriage. It is amazing how many things can set you off, especially if you have already been abused within the bonds of marriage before.

It is also hard on husbands, because they tend to be 'fixers'. Since this kind of wound can only be healed by time, love and God, they feel powerless to help. Keeping the lines of communication open, of course, is the most helpful thing.

Also, having some sort of password system that lets your husband know when you are being triggered helps. That way you just have to say the word and your husband is aware that you have just entered the 'twilight zone' emotionally. It seems to me that men really need to know where they stand all the time. That way they know it is not about them as much as about you.

God bless and take care!

littleredkiss484 · Oct 15, 2006

AngeliaTurner said:
I am new to this site. My husband found it and recommend that I come here to talk to someone. I was molested and raped from the age of 9 to 14. It was by two different men. When I was around my parents I tryed to be their sweet innocent little girl but when they were not around I was a totally different person. I turned to drinking when I was not at home and I got pregnant at age 17. I married the father. I thought maybe things would get better but they didn't. I was married to him for 12 years. If I was not feeling good or just not in the mood he would take it anyways. He would flirt with other women right in front of me and deny it. He was emotionally abusing me. After 12 years, I finally got the courage to get out of the marriage. I am now remarried and I love my husband very very much. My past though is making it very hard on my marriage. I have a problem with depression. My husband wants to help but does not know what to do or say. He really does not understand everything that I have been through. It is really putting a stain on my marriage. I have tried counselling with my pastor but I do not feel comfortable telling him everything that happened to me. Can someone please help me?

I am so sorry that you went through all that, Angelia, and I want you to know that I am here for you, if you need me. I personally don't know what you are going through, but I will be your friend and I will uphold you in my prayers!

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