I need some help. *sigh*

[Cherub8]

There's a girl at my church whom I've become considerably interested in over the past couple of months. I met her about two years ago, but haven't really gotten to know her as much as I would like. She is very quiet and shy. The problem here is, I am also very quiet and shy, particularly around her. I want to become friends with her and see where it goes from there. She is everything that is good to have in a friend, and also in a wife. She loves God with all of her heart. She is gentle, modest, soft-spoken and absolutely beautiful.

So, does anyone have any helpful advice on how to get to know her? Most of my friends in the past came to me, so this is basically the first time I have to step outside my "comfort zone." I suppose advice from those with anxieties similar to mine would be the most helpful.

God bless

 

[wildthing]

In all things seek God's wisdom by prayers. I would work on being a friend 1st and foremost...If and thats a big if she might be your mate... But seek God...

 

[Sketcher]

I dunno. As a shy guy myself, I can't help you there. Just pray, man.

 

[krstg]

I'm a girl, but I think the basics apply to both genders... Pray about it. God will guide you... and when you are around her, just try to relax and, most importantly, be yourself.

 

[Cherub8]

Thanks. I think you've all given the best advice. I so often forget that all things are in God's hands, and that I need to pray about it. He is in control.

Any ideas for conversation-starters?

 

[Cherub8]

I'm going to be seeing her tonight at church, by the way.

 

[wildthing]

Ask about the sermon. What songs did she enjoy. Of coures my favorite Quantum Physics.

 

[Cherub8]

Quantum Physics.

I don't think that would interest her, but I'll try! (Just joking)

 

[scraparcs]

You could ask in the Marriage forums.

 

[Cherub8]

He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich

LOL. That's a great song.

You could ask in the Marriage forums

I might do that, too.

 

[lady_of_god]

To start it off you could always speak a compliment.. tell her she looks pretty tonight(ladies love this ). Tell her about something you read or thought about recently (to make it less umcomfortable make sure its something that has to do with the last church service).


hope this helps a bit

-Lady

 

[PetraFan007]

let us know how it went! :-D

 

[Cherub8]

I had a good time. After church we talked for awhile in a group setting, which definitely made it easier because I wasn't on-the-spot to keep the conversation going. I just enjoy being around her.

God bless

 

[JPPT1974]

Just also be polite and friendly as well as do your best to not just only be friends but also give you all to the Lord.

 

[Cherub8]

Just also be polite and friendly as well as do your best to not just only be friends but also give you all to the Lord.

Yeah...I tend to be very polite and friendly, just quiet. And I can tell she knows I'm nervous around her. But I think she understands, because she too is very quiet and shy, just like me.

 

[Cherub8]

She has this freezing effect on me, especially when I look into her eyes. Sometimes I'm too nervous to talk with her even on instant messenger! She's online right at this very moment but I'm in hidden mode. I'm so pathetic. Huh, I'm even more pathetic than Kip on Napoleon Dynamite.

Edit: *Sigh*...she logged out. I'm a fool.

 

[MrDude]

Walk right up to her. Walk right up to her with your chin held high. Talk to her calmly and smoothly, don't stutter, don't talk too fast. Tell her you find her very interesting and would like to get to know her better. Ask her if she'd like to go somewhere and just talk. Find out what she likes, but don't make it sound like a police interrogation. Maintain eye contact, but don't stare. Let her know that you're definitly interested in a friendship, and subtly let her know that you might be interested in something more. Like I said, keep your chin and shoulders up and give off the vibe of confidence. Let her know that you KNOW who you are and that you are comfortable with yourself. Compliment her, but do not, I repeat, do NOT say things like "you're awesome" or "wow you're really really cool".

 

[PastorJer]

Hey Man
I feel for you. I am 27 and have rarely dated. When I was 25 I had only ever dated once, and since have dated no one. Over the years I have been turned down and had my heart broken so many times that after my last breakup I honestly came to the point where I was gun shy to even pursue a romantic relationship with any gal I was intersted in. That said, tommorrow for me this is going to be changing... there is a gal that I have been seeking the Lord about for pretty much the past 11 months. I have known her for over 3 years, tho in somewhat of a limited capacity (tho we are friends), but like you I can see her incredible love for the Lord, and how she loves and serves other people selflessly. She is a rare gem, a diamond in the rough.

You ask me how I am going to have the confidence to pursue a relationship with her, very simply put about 2 years ago after a really tough relationship with a gal I asked God the "why?" question.

The answer that I got back wasn't so much about the "why" as it was about my relationship with Him... He really challenged me with this thought - "Am I all that you need?" It was as if Christ Himself was asking me if I would allow Him to become all that I need - totally, everything.

You see in my own life for so long I had been seeking things that I was "needing" in places other than the Lord. Things like a sense of belonging, of being loved or appreciated, of being important. But as I have grown, and as God has taken me on the journey to having Christ become all that I need, He has allowed me to realize that relationship is more about giving yourself to a person, than taking from them. It is not so much about me, but rather about something that really is much bigger, and that is His glory in me when I am fully reliant and depending on Him for ALL my needs.

I know how easy it is to feel like a looser for never expressing your feelings... been there and done that alot... but to love is to be willing to risk rejection... I mean look at the number of people that God has reject Him every day, and yet He was willing to love so much that He went to the cross for us...

I guess most of all I would challenge you to focus your thoughts on Christ, if this relationship with this gal is something that is in His will for your life - when you focus in on Him it will ultimately end up bringing you closer to her.

Most of all remember that He has your best interest in mind. Trust Him, PRAY, and move when you feel Him leading... and don't forget to be friends first.

God Bless

 

[Cherub8]

Tell her you find her very interesting and would like to get to know her better.

I don't have to, because someone else already told her that I do. There are a few other CF members who know her, too, and one of them has been giving me a bit of advice about her. She used to go to his church. Anyway, it's funny because while he's been giving me advice, he also told her that I want to get to know her better but that I'm nervous.

The good thing is, I don't have to feel weird about that because she tends to be very quiet, too. (Thus, she understands.)

Ask her if she'd like to go somewhere and just talk.

Not my style. I like being around other people, too, for many reasons.

Find out what she likes, but don't make it sound like a police interrogation.

Come to think of it, I already know what she likes. She enjoys cooking, drawing, writing, and she is also athletic. Thanks.

Compliment her, but do not, I repeat, do NOT say things like "you're awesome" or "wow you're really really cool".

I agree, I wouldn't be able to say those things anyway. Not my style.

 

[MrDude]

ok well then pretty much ignore everything I said.