(Note - I've just posted this in the Women's discussion, but I wanted to post it here where men can reply too, to get some other opinions. 
)
Dear everybody,
I just wanted somewhere to express my feelings, so I hope nobody minds me talking on this forum. My boyfriend came over today, and was quiet in my house - probably knowing that the 4 week 'break' from the physical elements of our relationship was coming to an end. We later went for a walk though and had a much better time, although still a little distant at times.
I said to him that I couldn't completely explain why, but that I'd had a really good time over the last month and have been really happy. I said that I didn't think I was quite ready to return to how things were, to which he responded "ok". I asked him if he'd be able to tell me how he'd felt, and this is what he said.
He explained that at times he has felt frustrated, as when we were together he really enjoyed being with me. He also said that he has really felt a lack of motivation for doing things. (I asked him if he meant exam revision, and he said "everything"). He then said that he didn't think we'd done anything different that couldn't be done in conjunction with a physical relationship. (Things such as going for walks, going to the cinema more, etc.) He said that he wasn't sure why I hadn't approached it another way, perhaps refraining from sex but not stopping other things. He said he will keep an open mind about the future, and might be able to be happy withot sex, but that he really didn't think that would happen.
When I asked him about his feelings towards God and the bible, he said that they hadn't changed. (A short while ago he said that he believed there was a God, and that Jesus had died for our sins, but that some things in the bible - namely fornication - could be seen as "out of date".) I can't remember my wording exactly, but I asked him something along the lines of whether he still felt that certain parts of the bible couldn't be applied to modern life. He said that he didn't want to talk about that, as the bible is what God said (and so I get the feeling that he didn't want to challenge God's Word). I then asked if he would feel any sort of satisfaction from keeping his body clean (sexually) and like a vessel, if he knew it was God's wish. He said personally, he would gain no satisfaction from that, but perhaps he might spiritually (I didn't quite understand this - for me, the two are connected). He then went on to say that he wasn't quite sure what spiritually actually meant, to which I said that I was still uncertain, too.
Our holiday to the Channel Islands is booked for July 5th - 9th, and the date is looming closer. My Mum is anxiously asking if we've talked about it. It's a little hard discussing this with her, because as supportive as she is of any of these decisions I make, she finds it hard to understand them - and how I can still see him as my boyfriend (which I definitely do), if I exclude the physical side. She understands my boyfriend's opinions more, I think - and I do too. Everything that he's saying is understandable, and so I find it hard to give him any reasonable answers of my own.
Feeling sad and lonely. Is God really there? Do I want to be with a God I started seeking a month ago and ruin a near 3 year relationship? We've applied to the same university too, so if all things go well with our exams, we'll physically still be together for the next 3 years. And in the same college (accommodation area) too. That would be very difficult and horrific if he found somebody else. But, in asking these things of him and knowing he will respect them, I guess I must also understand that if he chooses to leave, he has every right to and to then find somebody else.
)Dear everybody,
I just wanted somewhere to express my feelings, so I hope nobody minds me talking on this forum. My boyfriend came over today, and was quiet in my house - probably knowing that the 4 week 'break' from the physical elements of our relationship was coming to an end. We later went for a walk though and had a much better time, although still a little distant at times.
I said to him that I couldn't completely explain why, but that I'd had a really good time over the last month and have been really happy. I said that I didn't think I was quite ready to return to how things were, to which he responded "ok". I asked him if he'd be able to tell me how he'd felt, and this is what he said.
He explained that at times he has felt frustrated, as when we were together he really enjoyed being with me. He also said that he has really felt a lack of motivation for doing things. (I asked him if he meant exam revision, and he said "everything"). He then said that he didn't think we'd done anything different that couldn't be done in conjunction with a physical relationship. (Things such as going for walks, going to the cinema more, etc.) He said that he wasn't sure why I hadn't approached it another way, perhaps refraining from sex but not stopping other things. He said he will keep an open mind about the future, and might be able to be happy withot sex, but that he really didn't think that would happen.
When I asked him about his feelings towards God and the bible, he said that they hadn't changed. (A short while ago he said that he believed there was a God, and that Jesus had died for our sins, but that some things in the bible - namely fornication - could be seen as "out of date".) I can't remember my wording exactly, but I asked him something along the lines of whether he still felt that certain parts of the bible couldn't be applied to modern life. He said that he didn't want to talk about that, as the bible is what God said (and so I get the feeling that he didn't want to challenge God's Word). I then asked if he would feel any sort of satisfaction from keeping his body clean (sexually) and like a vessel, if he knew it was God's wish. He said personally, he would gain no satisfaction from that, but perhaps he might spiritually (I didn't quite understand this - for me, the two are connected). He then went on to say that he wasn't quite sure what spiritually actually meant, to which I said that I was still uncertain, too.
Our holiday to the Channel Islands is booked for July 5th - 9th, and the date is looming closer. My Mum is anxiously asking if we've talked about it. It's a little hard discussing this with her, because as supportive as she is of any of these decisions I make, she finds it hard to understand them - and how I can still see him as my boyfriend (which I definitely do), if I exclude the physical side. She understands my boyfriend's opinions more, I think - and I do too. Everything that he's saying is understandable, and so I find it hard to give him any reasonable answers of my own.
Feeling sad and lonely. Is God really there? Do I want to be with a God I started seeking a month ago and ruin a near 3 year relationship? We've applied to the same university too, so if all things go well with our exams, we'll physically still be together for the next 3 years. And in the same college (accommodation area) too. That would be very difficult and horrific if he found somebody else. But, in asking these things of him and knowing he will respect them, I guess I must also understand that if he chooses to leave, he has every right to and to then find somebody else.
