I need some advice...

[Evan Wright]

Hey again, I hope everything is well with you all today. A few months back, I went on 2 dates with this girl from my church and we really had a good time. Our first date was to the movies, and for our 2nd date we went out to dinner. Our 3rd date is where I'm having trouble. Recently she's been giving me the cold shoulder. I've been trying to set up another date for us to go on, but she hasn't been reciprocating even though she said she'd want to go out again and I don't know what's going on. I've been structure in my Christian walk during this time too, and I'm working on getting better because I'm letting other things get in the way of my studying and sometimes my sin can prevent me from doing what's right. I feel like her not wanting to talk to me is God's way of saying get yourself together and I have been. I called her about a week ago(Kind of stupid, I know) and it went to voicemail and she never responded and she just blankly stared at me in church today. I'd take that as a sign of disinterest but I've never dated anyone so I wouldn't know. I don't know what to do. I really like this girl, and I want to go out with her again because I think she is beautiful however I feel like due to my separation with God he's punishing me and this comes along with it.

On the flip side I also don't know if my struggling has nothing to do with my relationship with her and maybe God is trying to tell me no, or yes, or not now. I pray alot about this and I don't know what God is trying to tell me. Can anyone I get some Christian insight as to what might be going on?

If things didn't seem clear just ask for clarification as my mind is racing right now, and sometimes I leave out key details. Thanks.

 

[Chris V++]

I think you should ignore her for now and see how she responds. Pretend she is invisible. I don't believe God is manipulating her feelings toward you to teach you or reprimand you. I don't think He does that. How old are you both? When you called her a week ago and it went to voicemail did you leave her a message or just hang up? How much time elapsed after your second date and your phone call to set up a third date?

 

[Sketcher]

.

 

[redleghunter]

Hey again, I hope everything is well with you all today. A few months back, I went on 2 dates with this girl from my church and we really had a good time. Our first date was to the movies, and for our 2nd date we went out to dinner. Our 3rd date is where I'm having trouble. Recently she's been giving me the cold shoulder. I've been trying to set up another date for us to go on, but she hasn't been reciprocating even though she said she'd want to go out again and I don't know what's going on. I've been structure in my Christian walk during this time too, and I'm working on getting better because I'm letting other things get in the way of my studying and sometimes my sin can prevent me from doing what's right. I feel like her not wanting to talk to me is God's way of saying get yourself together and I have been. I called her about a week ago(Kind of stupid, I know) and it went to voicemail and she never responded and she just blankly stared at me in church today. I'd take that as a sign of disinterest but I've never dated anyone so I wouldn't know. I don't know what to do. I really like this girl, and I want to go out with her again because I think she is beautiful however I feel like due to my separation with God he's punishing me and this comes along with it.

On the flip side I also don't know if my struggling has nothing to do with my relationship with her and maybe God is trying to tell me no, or yes, or not now. I pray alot about this and I don't know what God is trying to tell me. Can anyone I get some Christian insight as to what might be going on?

If things didn't seem clear just ask for clarification as my mind is racing right now, and sometimes I leave out key details. Thanks.

How much did you interact with her after the second date and before the cold shoulder?

 

[Darkhorse]

Let her know that you're interested in further dates / contact with her, and how she can reach you if she's interested. Then, just go about your life, including keeping your eyes open for other possibile ladies.

She may contact you later, or she may not. You will have done all you can.

 

[Albion]

I don't think God is manipulating these events at all, Evan. But how the girl is looking at all of it is hard to say.

I would not ignore her, because that way you will not know how she feels and it will drive you nuts.. If it were me, I would speak to her in a normal, friendly way when you see her--but not as though you are going to bring up the past dates or any of that.

Will she act like a normal person towards you in response, as at least a friend? If so, there may be some reason for hope and you can return to the dating idea later in time. But if she is cold or evasive, I'd say she didn't see a future with you as date material and you should resolve to treat her as just a friend hereafter. You cannot avoid crossing her path, so you might as well not act devastated if it becomes clear that she thinks the two of you just did not click.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I think you should ignore her for now and see how she responds. Pretend she is invisible.

That can be good idea in some cases, but if you did something wrong you don't know about, no.

I'd have to ask her what the problem is. Or do you have a pretty good idea what it is, but haven't said?

If not, you can leave a message or email her, and say you are clueless what you did wrong and if she is willing to tell you, you are willing to try to work it out because she is worth the effort to you. Then mention if you're just no longer interested enough to give you a chance, there's not much you can do to fix it so, you really wish it could have but sorry it didn't work out. Thanks for hearing me out. Or something along those lines.

If that doesn't get a response, then it's close to time to ignore her but not in a "Throw your nose up" sort of way, because you seem to think this was your doing, at least that's what I got from your post. Just be humble, and don't beat yourself up...these things happen., nothing at all unusual here

If you have an idea what you did, it's up to you if you choose to tell us or not.

I just got a look at part of the post above and agree, God is not doing anything here, he leaves these things up to us. If for no other reason, so we learn from our mistakes.

 

[Rescued One]

I would be alarmed and annoyed if a guy asked me what the problem is. I suggest that you just be friendly as in a casual way and ask "Hi, how are things going?" and not say anything about dating. Let her make the next move.

 

[Mel333]

Hey again, I hope everything is well with you all today. A few months back, I went on 2 dates with this girl from my church and we really had a good time. Our first date was to the movies, and for our 2nd date we went out to dinner. Our 3rd date is where I'm having trouble. Recently she's been giving me the cold shoulder. I've been trying to set up another date for us to go on, but she hasn't been reciprocating even though she said she'd want to go out again and I don't know what's going on. I've been structure in my Christian walk during this time too, and I'm working on getting better because I'm letting other things get in the way of my studying and sometimes my sin can prevent me from doing what's right. I feel like her not wanting to talk to me is God's way of saying get yourself together and I have been. I called her about a week ago(Kind of stupid, I know) and it went to voicemail and she never responded and she just blankly stared at me in church today. I'd take that as a sign of disinterest but I've never dated anyone so I wouldn't know. I don't know what to do. I really like this girl, and I want to go out with her again because I think she is beautiful however I feel like due to my separation with God he's punishing me and this comes along with it.

On the flip side I also don't know if my struggling has nothing to do with my relationship with her and maybe God is trying to tell me no, or yes, or not now. I pray alot about this and I don't know what God is trying to tell me. Can anyone I get some Christian insight as to what might be going on?

If things didn't seem clear just ask for clarification as my mind is racing right now, and sometimes I leave out key details. Thanks.

Ive always believed the best relationships are friends first and if it turns into something more, go for it.

My husband is my best friend.

It might be that this girl you like isn't friends with you or she would reply. It could be a bunch of things. All I know is that women are attacted to men who are good providers and who feel safe and secure around them.

It could be your insecurities, it could be a bunch of things. In the meantime, I suggest securing your relationship with knowing who are in Christ first. Knowing that you are loved through God's son and what he's done for us. Then you will be secure in your identity and go out there, have fun and you'll attract someone who wants to be with you.

Goodluck!

 

[Andrew77]

Hey again, I hope everything is well with you all today. A few months back, I went on 2 dates with this girl from my church and we really had a good time. Our first date was to the movies, and for our 2nd date we went out to dinner. Our 3rd date is where I'm having trouble. Recently she's been giving me the cold shoulder. I've been trying to set up another date for us to go on, but she hasn't been reciprocating even though she said she'd want to go out again and I don't know what's going on. I've been structure in my Christian walk during this time too, and I'm working on getting better because I'm letting other things get in the way of my studying and sometimes my sin can prevent me from doing what's right. I feel like her not wanting to talk to me is God's way of saying get yourself together and I have been. I called her about a week ago(Kind of stupid, I know) and it went to voicemail and she never responded and she just blankly stared at me in church today. I'd take that as a sign of disinterest but I've never dated anyone so I wouldn't know. I don't know what to do. I really like this girl, and I want to go out with her again because I think she is beautiful however I feel like due to my separation with God he's punishing me and this comes along with it.

On the flip side I also don't know if my struggling has nothing to do with my relationship with her and maybe God is trying to tell me no, or yes, or not now. I pray alot about this and I don't know what God is trying to tell me. Can anyone I get some Christian insight as to what might be going on?

If things didn't seem clear just ask for clarification as my mind is racing right now, and sometimes I leave out key details. Thanks.

It seems that she is not interested. I would move on.

It really is that simple. If she wanted to continue going out, she would respond to you. She has not. That's the "not interested" call sign.

Move on. If she changes her mind later, you can determine that later. But for now, she's not responding, so she is not interested. Move on.

 

[Dave88372]

You need to back off. You don't gain a woman's interest by nagging or begging. You should make you interest in a woman known once by asking her out once, not a bunch of times. If she is interested she will say yes, and if she says no you never ask again unless she makes it extremely clear she's changed her mind and wants you to (which does not happen very often).

Also, a woman's prime is around the age of 22-25, while a man's prime is around the age of 28-40. Of course this will vary a lot from individual to individual. A man who had a very good father or mentors may be an extremely mature man by age 20, while a man with no such fathers or mentors might never be mature. Not sure how old you are, but if you're 23 then it is going to be extremely difficult for you to compete with men who are 28 who this woman might also be interested in. If you're young you will probably get rejected a lot simple because you don't yet have the same life experience as older men You just need to continue growing as a person and eventually you will find a woman who is a good match.