I need relationship help! please help me!

[MetalBlade]

I know strange isn't it, that I finally need the help. Yeah I am having problems, well actually I am not in a relationship anymore. Here is what happened. I finally moved away to go and finish my degree. I hate school, pretty much for the fact that I don't know anybody and I am always alone. Anyway, I came home this weekend and am still alone. My girlfriend broke up with me. I don't really know exactly why though. She says it is because she doesn't know who she is, and she needs to find herself. I guess being at home for such a long time, we were always together. Now that I am far away, she has all these "freedoms" per say, and wants to utilize them. So naturally I am very upset and not taking this well. I feel lots of pain and feel pyschologically and emotionally disturbed.

My friends keep saying this is good though. My relationship with my girlfriend has always been a rocky one. She cheated on me a couple times, but I managed to fogive her. We did break up once too, which lasted about two months. During that time I was of course sad and depressed, but I was home, and I had things fixed in no time. Plus my best friend was going through the same thing with his girl friend, so it made things a little better. Now I have to go back, and be so far away from the problem, which rasies another question.

Should I continue to fight or just give in? We have been through so much! Almost five years together. And though I am not proud of this, she was the first, and I thought the only girl I ever had sex with. I guess that is why it is so much harder. But one half of me wants to say forget her, be single awhile, and then go on the dating scene again and find someone new, but the other half wants to stand up and fight. Either choice will drain me emotionally. Ah! I need so much help right now....

 

[plum]

I could make this longer, but here's my piece for now:
When the defense of a relationship is "we've been together for so long! how can i give up now?" alarms start ringing in my head. the basis for fighting for a relationship shouldn't be because of the amount of time you've spent in it. One of my friends was engaged to this one guy for two years. They had dated seriously for three years prior to that. He beat her. cheated on her. she cheated on him. why the HECK did they think they were made for each other? because they were too scared to start over again with someone new. they figured all that work to stay together had to be leading to marriage, right? hecks no. after he hit her and raped her, she finally left. thank G-d. What does time have anything to do with it?

She cheated on you multiple times? Stay away! She's obviously not that committed. It seems like she wants more sexual freedom (and other types of freedom i'm sure) so she doesn't want a weight to keep her down. Don't get involved with that, man. That's a bad sign.
You had sex? These days, that doesn't do anything to keep a couple together either.
My advice, clean, simple, and straighforward: get away from her. let her go have her "freedom" but don't lose yourself or any of your morals or values any more over this chick. she obviously isn't the one to stay around.

 

[ivanisavich]

Yep. This girl definitely seems like one to stay away from. A little while of loneliness as you look for the next girl and try to move on from this one is NOTHING compared to a LIFETIME in an unhappy marriage! (and seeing as how she's cheated on you and doesn't seem committed to you at all, I can't imagine that staying with her would result in a happy one).

Don't touch her with a 10-foot pole bro. You'll only get more hurt.

 

[MetalBlade]

Thanks all who have replied. I have come to my conclusion on this, with some prayer and help from friends and family. All the cheating stuff happened a long time ago, and I know that shouldn't be an excuse, and it's not. I am gonna take it easy. Focus on my school, exercise to keep stress levels low, and use this pain, channeld and focused to help my writings and my music.

I am gonna stay single. For awhile at least. A date here and there is cool, but right now, relationships are the least things on my mind. I know that I kind of talked about her as being a bad person, she really isn't. Yeah, she has done bad things, but many good things have happened as well. I pray for her, and will until I die. I hope she ends up finding herself. I pray that she will have the guidance of the Lord and keep her faith and morality in high standards. Maybe in the future, there is a place for us, a more mature realtionship. Who knows though, I am just gonna place it in the Lor'ds hands. Guide me Lord Jesus!

 

[Johnnz]

Good advice here and a good decision.

John
NZ

 

[Saucy]

I believe the only reason why you're attached to her is because of the sex. That's why it hurts so bad. The fact that she cheated and now doesn't care that you've gone basically means she no longer cares for you and wants someone else. That's usually the case when young people have long relationships.