I'm not sure if this is the right place, or if I even belong here. If not I am sorry for wasting your time reading this, but I am very serious. I need help.
Growing up, i've always had a bit of a rocky relationship with God. I grew up in a family where my extended family on one side of the family were very religious, but the other side wasn't and my immediate family never really said much about him. Ive been to church a few times when I was 11-12, but we could never find a church that worked for us.
Anyways, the older I get, the more I begin to question things like religion. Ive always believed in gaurdien angels, and have always believed that there was someone, like god out there...Basically I have found myself, wanting to find a relationship with him...
However, I'm scared.. I have/am doing some things that are defiantly sins. thinga most people would look down upon.
I don't enjoy it, in fact i'm only doing out of necessity. I ask that you please, don't judge.. or if you do at least keep it yourselves.
I was going to lose my place, we were on the verge of being homeless, I couldn't get a loan from anyone, any company and I couldn't get enough hours at work to avoid the eviction notice. I only had 5 days to come up with the money so I ended up escorting myself out. I'm not on drugs, I don't drink in excess... I am a normal girl who just needed to get by. I have a ton of debt that I cant seem to make myself get out of.
When I paid my rent I told myself I was going to stop... but when I saw how much I could make in a short amount of time, without dealing with a boss. I told myself that I would keep on just until I got out of debt.
I work a parttime job, but It doesnt pay my bills.. I got my boyfriend out of a really bad situation to where he got evicted because of his roommates, so he was homeless by putting myself in a ridicolous amount of debt. I ended up getting multiple payday loans on small paycheques to feed, and keep clothes on his back and gas money.
Anyways thats neither here nor there.
I could easily find another job, sure. I actually had a dream of going to school but I can't even get a loan for that right now. I have to deal with a family thing and need to actually take a month and a half off for that. my current job is allowing me to do that without pay which is great..
Anyways, i want to finally have a relationship with him.
I need prayer to make it through this month. Some of my past debt, took my entire paycheque out of my account and I can't pay my bills.. but of course, the bank or the company doesn't really care. I cant even renew my license until I pay back what I owe the car insurance company, so it's really put a damper on 'business'. Maybe I should look at it like a blessing, like i'm not supposed to do this. I know i'm not supposed to do this. I dont want to do this. I hate this. I can barely handle meeting someone new, I have to force myself into working because I am so scared if something happens.
Sorry if this is really jumbled. I can't seem to put thoughts together when i'm upset.
I just want help through this hard time, but I don't know if god will listen to a lost soul like me.
I want to find peace with myself, I need to find a way out of this all..
please,
thank you for reading,
Growing up, i've always had a bit of a rocky relationship with God. I grew up in a family where my extended family on one side of the family were very religious, but the other side wasn't and my immediate family never really said much about him. Ive been to church a few times when I was 11-12, but we could never find a church that worked for us.
Anyways, the older I get, the more I begin to question things like religion. Ive always believed in gaurdien angels, and have always believed that there was someone, like god out there...Basically I have found myself, wanting to find a relationship with him...
However, I'm scared.. I have/am doing some things that are defiantly sins. thinga most people would look down upon.
I don't enjoy it, in fact i'm only doing out of necessity. I ask that you please, don't judge.. or if you do at least keep it yourselves.
I was going to lose my place, we were on the verge of being homeless, I couldn't get a loan from anyone, any company and I couldn't get enough hours at work to avoid the eviction notice. I only had 5 days to come up with the money so I ended up escorting myself out. I'm not on drugs, I don't drink in excess... I am a normal girl who just needed to get by. I have a ton of debt that I cant seem to make myself get out of.
When I paid my rent I told myself I was going to stop... but when I saw how much I could make in a short amount of time, without dealing with a boss. I told myself that I would keep on just until I got out of debt.
I work a parttime job, but It doesnt pay my bills.. I got my boyfriend out of a really bad situation to where he got evicted because of his roommates, so he was homeless by putting myself in a ridicolous amount of debt. I ended up getting multiple payday loans on small paycheques to feed, and keep clothes on his back and gas money.
Anyways thats neither here nor there.
I could easily find another job, sure. I actually had a dream of going to school but I can't even get a loan for that right now. I have to deal with a family thing and need to actually take a month and a half off for that. my current job is allowing me to do that without pay which is great..
Anyways, i want to finally have a relationship with him.
I need prayer to make it through this month. Some of my past debt, took my entire paycheque out of my account and I can't pay my bills.. but of course, the bank or the company doesn't really care. I cant even renew my license until I pay back what I owe the car insurance company, so it's really put a damper on 'business'. Maybe I should look at it like a blessing, like i'm not supposed to do this. I know i'm not supposed to do this. I dont want to do this. I hate this. I can barely handle meeting someone new, I have to force myself into working because I am so scared if something happens.
Sorry if this is really jumbled. I can't seem to put thoughts together when i'm upset.
I just want help through this hard time, but I don't know if god will listen to a lost soul like me.
I want to find peace with myself, I need to find a way out of this all..
please,
thank you for reading,