HI! I've known a person for only 3 years & have speculated from the begining that he is bi-polar. I have never confronted him about it & I would guess that he's not on any meds for it. This 'episode' he's having now is lasting longer than any before(4 months, now) & he has secluded himself from 1 circle of friends(not sure if he speaks to anyone else). He responds to nothing.. no emails, IM's, PM's from any of us. He won't answer his phone, & I have driven to check on him & he won't answer his door. My question is: should I just leave him alone, because that seems to be what he wants? Or should I send an occasional message just to try to be in touch? I don't want to annoy him if he'd rather be left alone but I also don't want him to think I've turned my back on him. I don't know how to deal with a bi-polar person, i.e. what they want & need during their 'down' time. I like him to much to not be concerned. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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I need imput...please!
- Thread starter bluesclues
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Hello,
I am Bipolarbear. Nice to meet you, and welcome to the bipolar section of CF! I know when I am depressed, I slowly isolate myself, and sort of push everyone away slowlyso as no one to notice. I get too depressed to talk, because it feels too overwhelming to even answer the phone. Then later, I feel bad once I hvae realized that I have once again done this! At that point, I sit and wait for my phone to ring, for someone to remember me, but no one calls... I eventually gather enough courage and strength to try to reach out to them, but no one answeres... Depression is a very unsafe place for a bipolar to be at alone. Please keep letting him know you care about your friendship and him, taht he has value, and is loved by others! One day he might pick up the phone. Keep physicly checking in on him. If he reaches out to you, don't "suggest the going to the doc, I think your bipolar," it is not the right time for that! You will just push him away again. Those talks are for when he is more stable, adn remember, you can lead him to help, but he will not accept it until he is ready to. That is always a difficult part for those who care about someone in such a situation! Just try your best to listen and be suppportive even when the things he may share with you are confusing to you or even frighten you. When our minds are sick, or ill, they play nasty tricks on us, well, me anyway... When you do listen, don't judge, try not to physicly react to shocked at some of the things he might say, rather, try and remember that right now, he is very sick, and this is very serious, and even the smallest thing can shatter his day, when you would think oh it's just " xyz", nothing to get all upset over. Because at the time, it's huge to him, and I guess, Just take what he says seriously. Especailly if he is making suicidal comments like I wish I could just go to sleep forever, or the world would not miss me... or worse things... Also very important... If you reach out to him, and he reaches back, It will be emotionally and probably physicly draining on you, so make sure to Not let it consume you! Take good care of yourself too! I hope you can find somethng usefull from my rambelings.. God Bless!
I am Bipolarbear. Nice to meet you, and welcome to the bipolar section of CF! I know when I am depressed, I slowly isolate myself, and sort of push everyone away slowlyso as no one to notice. I get too depressed to talk, because it feels too overwhelming to even answer the phone. Then later, I feel bad once I hvae realized that I have once again done this! At that point, I sit and wait for my phone to ring, for someone to remember me, but no one calls... I eventually gather enough courage and strength to try to reach out to them, but no one answeres... Depression is a very unsafe place for a bipolar to be at alone. Please keep letting him know you care about your friendship and him, taht he has value, and is loved by others! One day he might pick up the phone. Keep physicly checking in on him. If he reaches out to you, don't "suggest the going to the doc, I think your bipolar," it is not the right time for that! You will just push him away again. Those talks are for when he is more stable, adn remember, you can lead him to help, but he will not accept it until he is ready to. That is always a difficult part for those who care about someone in such a situation! Just try your best to listen and be suppportive even when the things he may share with you are confusing to you or even frighten you. When our minds are sick, or ill, they play nasty tricks on us, well, me anyway... When you do listen, don't judge, try not to physicly react to shocked at some of the things he might say, rather, try and remember that right now, he is very sick, and this is very serious, and even the smallest thing can shatter his day, when you would think oh it's just " xyz", nothing to get all upset over. Because at the time, it's huge to him, and I guess, Just take what he says seriously. Especailly if he is making suicidal comments like I wish I could just go to sleep forever, or the world would not miss me... or worse things... Also very important... If you reach out to him, and he reaches back, It will be emotionally and probably physicly draining on you, so make sure to Not let it consume you! Take good care of yourself too! I hope you can find somethng usefull from my rambelings.. God Bless!
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Soulwings
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I agree with what Bipolarbear said. Keep reaching out. When I am in a dark place, I withdraw as well, but I like to know that people care, as much as I want to be left alone. Knowing that there are people out there that care makes me feel not quite so alone and dark and suicidally despairing. Be there for him, but don't - DON'T - mention treatment, meds, anything along those lines. Wait until he is in a better place, bc if you start talking about things like that, he may well feel that you are betraying him etc. and will withdraw even more (if that is possible). Don't give up, keep on reaching out, whether or not he responds immediately or not, and I'm glad that you came and asked us - really shows that you care, and I'm glad that he's got you as a friend. 
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Your responses are very helpful & I appreciate your replies. I sent an IM this morning at he at least has made himself visible on my IM list. Although he hasn't talked to me yet, this is a start. I'm a little confused when you say that it will be physically & emotionally draining on me & to not let it consume me, when he reaches out. If he decides to talk, I will be elated!! I'm not sure if I can ever bring up that I think he's bi-polar because I'm afraid I'll lose him forever. So...I sit through his episodes & patiently wait, hoping he'll return to me. I wish, though, that I could convey that I understand what happens to him and I accept him. But for now...I will wait it out. Thanks so much! I've been looking for answers/help for 3 years. This is a big help!
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Soulwings
A true original.
Physically & emotionally draining on you/letting it consume you - a person in a depressive episode, if s/he reaches out, can be a very big worry. Why a worry? Bc you are afraid s/he will commit suicide, hurt him/herself in a very big way (self injury on an inflated scale), that type of thing. That would consume me, if I felt afraid that he would do something like that and I couldn't really do much at all to help. Unless you are like one of my friends, who is always optimistic and hopeful and cheerful (bless you if you are!), then it will probably be draining if he truly chooses to reach out and let you know exactly what he's feeling. Without treatment, things can get worse pretty fast in depressive episodes, and knowing that he isn't and won't be getting treatment... well, I don't know how I'd feel about that!! Scared, I think.
But anyway, I hope that explained it a bit better. Blessings on you for wanting to be such a good friend to him.
But anyway, I hope that explained it a bit better. Blessings on you for wanting to be such a good friend to him.
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thislifewithinmecries
Kristie Anna
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When I have episodes I begin to push people away as well. I guess on the opposite side of that I may want people so close to me that they ask why I'm so clingy. That's my manic and depressive reactions. I would say sticking with him through it, even if he doesn't respond, is a great way to show him you care and to show him how he has a support system (even if he isn't embracing it). Just know that when a person is bipolar they need an amazingly strong support system, stay with it and he will pull through! Praying for you!
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