I need help on this one

[mottec]

I was psycally, mentally and covertly and sometimes sexually abused by my father. I moved away from home to another country when I was 23. I found my own sexuality there and then went back. When I got back(I was FAR away from home), I was shocked. The greeting of my father was anger bordering hate, not a word of interest was spoken, all he did was terrorize my mother in front of me. All the spiritual well being I felt, which I had built through reading the bible and carefully making the right decisions went away instantly. I had started to get a bit weird from my stay abroad but emotinally I felt great and I wasnt lying to myself and felt that I was finally creating my own identity. What happened was that I felt my inner child(litteraly felt 5 years old again) smiling in the sight of my father who told me in my teens that girls would be laughing at me, knowing to himself that he cause me great harm by CSA. This came to an end when he called psyciatry and got me hospitalized, something hes done later one, basically every time I start to feel good about my own identity again. It isnt so much that, its that he wouldnt let me anywhere near his home after he called psyciatry, I wonder if families to mentally ill are generally this way, my brother certainly am not. Whats worse though is that since I got into psyciatry he seems to abuse this situation by touching me inapropriately like accidentaly bumping into me with his penis or holding my hand. My girl cousin whos 17 for some reason acted sexually a bit sexually towards him, which he responded by caressing my hand again. If I bring out the topic that whats hes doing is inapropriate hes simply calling the doctors, who dont believe me when i tell them i was abused. Simply the abuse continues into adulthood, and every time it happens i forget the nice girls thats interested in me and it makes me cry. I prayed to god that it may stop, but hes not the kind to regret, i saw him terrorize my mother year after year not being able to relate to her suffering, now I feelthat maybe im in her shoes, not having any chance to speak back. Its so frustrating since i sometimes blame my brother for not stopping it if only he could se what was going on. Some advice would be nice. I might add that this is now 7 years running, and really the life I had until 23 havent been the same:o

 

[Tomyris]

I was psycally, mentally and covertly and sometimes sexually abused by my father. I moved away from home to another country when I was 23. I found my own sexuality there and then went back. When I got back(I was FAR away from home), I was shocked. The greeting of my father was anger bordering hate, not a word of interest was spoken, all he did was terrorize my mother in front of me. All the spiritual well being I felt, which I had built through reading the bible and carefully making the right decisions went away instantly. I had started to get a bit weird from my stay abroad but emotinally I felt great and I wasnt lying to myself and felt that I was finally creating my own identity. What happened was that I felt my inner child(litteraly felt 5 years old again) smiling in the sight of my father who told me in my teens that girls would be laughing at me, knowing to himself that he cause me great harm by CSA. This came to an end when he called psyciatry and got me hospitalized, something hes done later one, basically every time I start to feel good about my own identity again. It isnt so much that, its that he wouldnt let me anywhere near his home after he called psyciatry, I wonder if families to mentally ill are generally this way, my brother certainly am not. Whats worse though is that since I got into psyciatry he seems to abuse this situation by touching me inapropriately like accidentaly bumping into me with his penis or holding my hand. My girl cousin whos 17 for some reason acted sexually a bit sexually towards him, which he responded by caressing my hand again. If I bring out the topic that whats hes doing is inapropriate hes simply calling the doctors, who dont believe me when i tell them i was abused. Simply the abuse continues into adulthood, and every time it happens i forget the nice girls thats interested in me and it makes me cry. I prayed to god that it may stop, but hes not the kind to regret, i saw him terrorize my mother year after year not being able to relate to her suffering, now I feelthat maybe im in her shoes, not having any chance to speak back. Its so frustrating since i sometimes blame my brother for not stopping it if only he could se what was going on. Some advice would be nice. I might add that this is now 7 years running, and really the life I had until 23 havent been the same:o

I think you posted the same thing in two different places. I answered it in the other place, where I saw it first.

 

[RuthD]

I'm sorry you have been so abused by your father. If I were you I would get away from him. Can you? He isn't going to change but you can change your life so you don't have to be with him. That's awful what he is doing to your mom too. I am praying for you both.