I need Counsel Fast

[DRUM4JC]

I need some advice. Hopefully someone out there has been where I am.

I have a 20 year old son who still lives at home. Our problem is the following:

I also have a 24 year old daughter who lives at home. They are both expected to contribute to the upkeep of our home as they live here virtually rent and expense free.

My son, a 20 yr old adult, never does what he knows is expected of him. No matter how many discussions we have about the matter he never changes.

I feel my only recourse is to evict him from my home. This of course will severely damage our relationship with him which I would like to avoid. But I will do this is if it is the only solution to his problem.

Please help us.

 

[jgonz]

You said it yourself~ your only recourse is to evict him from your home.

IMO, talk to him first and tell him if things don't change in (however many) weeks, then he's out. No more talking, no more lecturing, no more discussion. He has ___ weeks to get it together or you have no choice but to evict him.

 

[Autumnleaf]

If he has gotten away with ignoring you to avoid contributing in the past he will continue to do that until it stops working.

 

[Girlee]

I need some advice. Hopefully someone out there has been where I am.

I have a 20 year old son who still lives at home. Our problem is the following:

I also have a 24 year old daughter who lives at home. They are both expected to contribute to the upkeep of our home as they live here virtually rent and expense free.

My son, a 20 yr old adult, never does what he knows is expected of him. No matter how many discussions we have about the matter he never changes.

I feel my only recourse is to evict him from my home. This of course will severely damage our relationship with him which I would like to avoid. But I will do this is if it is the only solution to his problem.

Please help us.

Evicting him from your home will severly damage your relationship?
Actually, you have it backwards.
Your son is the one who is severely damaging your relationship by not doing what is expected of him!!

Evicting him is not being mean--it's being a parent.
Allowing him to be a freeloader is the wrong thing to do here.

As parents, we are to do what is right for our children. And allowing him to get away with this is not doing what is right for him--or right for you, or especially right for your daughter. It's not right that they both get to live there, but your daughter has to follow the rules, but he does not.

By allowing him to stay and get away with this, you are actually most likely severly damaging your relationship with your daughter!!

Will it damage your relationship? It will seem to--in the beginning. Sure, he will probably be mad. Maybe even not talk to you at first.
Then, he starts living on his own. He starts to appreciate how hard it is to live on his own, which means he starts to appreciate what you have been doing for him. Then, he starts to take pride in what he does and take pride in having his own place. This will start to make him a better person all around. And you will notice that your relationship may have been rocky for a bit, but it was never really damaged. In fact, it will probably end up better than before.

So, basically, in kicking him out, you are improving his life. Which is what a parent is supposed to do.

And I can say this from experience--I was previously in your son's shoes.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Evict him. It will be better for your relationship long term.

 

[Sabertooth]

If he refuses to stay according to the terms set forth, you are not throwing him out; he is choosing to leave. Make sure you spell out for him what chores are expected of him. You may even consider writing up an informal, month-to-month contract.

 

[Nilla]

I'm not a parent so my input here may not weigh heavy here.

But I agree with the other posters. My dad went through something similiar with my younger brother. He didn't accept the way mom and dad wanted things to be in their home. I'm not sure if it was my brother who said fine, I'm leaving. or if dad said if you don't want to follow our rules, you're free to leave. They have a good relationship today.

He is 20 years old, he chooses not to do what he knows is expected of him. Then in the end he chooses to leave maybe not by words, but by actions.