I need Advice

[ovis90]

Since I was a teenager I was in to online dating sites I always had my fear that I might stay alone if i wont look. It lead me to close my self from real relationship and have difficulty to keep friendships with people. I feel shy often around big groups or people at work or school. Few years ago I felt like it was from God such freeling that he is telling me to stop this addiction to online dating. But then for some time i let go everything ,but then fear came that I dont go out much i dont have where to meet girls and i return again to online dating. Which lead me to messed up alot for my life. Not getting proper profession.As well I feel it disturbes me a lot for seeking for God more. Because from online dating i feel bad things come like lust and want to watch pornography.But same time i know all this bad things come,but In my mind i feel it say don't give up looking you will find your soul mate. I just dont know I am afraid to let go,because of fear staying alone and I am already soon 27. Please give me advice thank you.

 

[woobadooba]

If it's leading you into sin, then stay away from it. Why not join a singles group for young adults at your local church? If there is no such group, then maybe you can find one somewhere else or start one yourself. What do you think about that?

 

[AlexDTX]

Since I was a teenager I was in to online dating sites I always had my fear that I might stay alone if i wont look. It lead me to close my self from real relationship and have difficulty to keep friendships with people. I feel shy often around big groups or people at work or school. Few years ago I felt like it was from God such freeling that he is telling me to stop this addiction to online dating. But then for some time i let go everything ,but then fear came that I dont go out much i dont have where to meet girls and i return again to online dating. Which lead me to messed up alot for my life. Not getting proper profession.As well I feel it disturbes me a lot for seeking for God more. Because from online dating i feel bad things come like lust and want to watch pornography.But same time i know all this bad things come,but In my mind i feel it say don't give up looking you will find your soul mate. I just dont know I am afraid to let go,because of fear staying alone and I am already soon 27. Please give me advice thank you.

I understand your concern. Online relationships are with real people, of course, but show next to nothing of the reality of those people. I want to share a parallel thought, even though your desire is not on this topic.

I used to have a porn addiction while married. It almost destroyed my marriage. And it caused severe damage to my intimacy with my wife, with her once declaring to me while having intercourse, that she will not be a porn image for me. Porn creates an impairment to godly sexuality because it over emphasizes the visual element. Godly sexuality is rooted in genuine love built by a relationship with erotica triggered by closeness and touch, not visual. Visual is part of godly sexuality, don't get me wrong, but porn creates an imbalance that makes arousal harder to achieve.

Online dating has a place in my opinion, but only as a means to meet potential mates. Physical proximity and much time together needs to occur for a genuine relationship to be built. If you stay in the virtual world too long with someone, you will not have a balanced perspective of that person. It is very easy to write, then re-write your communication to obtain the best possible presentation. Talking in physical proximity is filled with blunders and the abundance of the heart is much easier to perceive.

 

[Greg Merrill]

Since I was a teenager I was in to online dating sites I always had my fear that I might stay alone if i wont look. It lead me to close my self from real relationship and have difficulty to keep friendships with people. I feel shy often around big groups or people at work or school. Few years ago I felt like it was from God such freeling that he is telling me to stop this addiction to online dating. But then for some time i let go everything ,but then fear came that I dont go out much i dont have where to meet girls and i return again to online dating. Which lead me to messed up alot for my life. Not getting proper profession.As well I feel it disturbes me a lot for seeking for God more. Because from online dating i feel bad things come like lust and want to watch pornography.But same time i know all this bad things come,but In my mind i feel it say don't give up looking you will find your soul mate. I just dont know I am afraid to let go,because of fear staying alone and I am already soon 27. Please give me advice thank you.

Hi Ovis90. I remember when I was 28, and didn't have a mate yet. I put words to that effect into a song I wrote. I eventually got married at 32. The first verse that comes to my mind for you is Matthew 6:33. Top priority should not be in finding your soul mate (I don't believe in soul mates), but putting God first in your life. Until then, you are not going to properly be ready for anybody IMO. You need to work on you, not in finding a girl. Finding a girl is fine, but it shouldn't be tops on your list. Work on you, and that girl will eventually find and be drawn to you, as well as other girls that won't be "the one." Philippians 4:19 says God will supply, as does 2 Corinthians 9:8. Leave "the one" coming into your life in His hands, to show You at the proper time, in the proper way. Pray about it, and let God answer prayer. Isaiah 55:8. Remember what Genesis 2:18 says that God said about Adam. God can provide for you as well in His own way. See this again in Genesis 24 where God provides a wife for Isaac. Instead of worrying about your ability to find someone, seek God, and let Him worry about what He wants your life to be like, and who He wants to be your wife. Then He can guide you in what to do, Proverbs 3:5-6.

 

[dysert]

I read your post at least 3 times, and I'm still not quite sure what advice you're asking for, so please forgive me if this isn't it. For one thing, you should give up the porn immediately. Watching porn is wrong, and we should avoid things that are wrong.

For another thing, there's nothing wrong with online dating sites, but I think you have to put yourself out there to meet girls in person instead of just virtually. Getting involved in singles functions should help.

You might go to the Singles subforum if you want advice on how to find a girl. I'm afraid I've been out of that mode for long time.