Hi all. I am having a really big dilemma in my life right now. I have been dating a guy for the past 5 years. Since I was a freshman in High School to be exact. I grew up in a Christian home and I have always been a believer. It wasnt until I got to college that I decided to devote my life to god and his purpose for me. My boyfriend grew up in a loving home but not a christian home. His family are believes in Christ but they dont attend church, nor do they have personal relationships with god. My boyfriend feels that as long as you are a good person and believe in god then you are going to heaven. This is how he was taught growing up and he has a hard time believing otherwise. He is a wonderful guys and I love him very much. Right now in my life I am having a really hard time deciding what to do about his faith conflicting with mine. He is a believer, but I think he feels that it is unnecessary to have a devoted relationship with christ. He always says, you arent going to become too religious on me are you? He sees a negative stereotype around really religious people because that is how he was raised. My lifestyle and devotion to christ has changed since I came to college and he can see that I have changed. If I bring up issues about god he thinks, "where did all this come from" because I was never like that with him in high school, because I wasnt as devoted to god. Its hard for me because I dont want to force any information on him. When the subject comes up, usually one of us changes the topic. I need help, I know that god has brought him into my life for such a long period of time for a reason and I want to know why. He has a million great qualities but I know he would feel like his life was so much more complete is he shared a relationship with god. I know that marriage is a big possibility with him in the future but I know that I want to marry someone who is willing to have a devoted christian marriage to me. How can I bring up the discussion? What do I say? Has anyone been in a similar situation?
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I need advice
- Thread starter lferraro244
- Start date
There are 2 things that we need to talk about.
1. The first and foremost, leading your boyfriend to Christ. Your plain and simple love will be the strongest attractant to Christ. He will see that Christ has given you something beyond this world, and he will want it for himself. From what you have said, he does not want anything near that of the "religious" people he grew up with. My guess is, giving the benefit of the doubt to your boyfriend, legalism was forced upon him rather then Christ's love. You have to also ask yourself if he did have a very loving and Christ centered upbringing, why hasn't he accepted the life Christ calls us to live? Does he love the world, or something in the world more then Christ?
2. You need to seriously contemplate the ramifications of marrying someone who doesn't have a relationship with Christ. Your marriage will be extremely shallow -- at best. Your marriage will cause you to slip away from Christ and into the world system -- at worst. I couldn't imagine living with someone the rest of my life and not being able to share my passion with them. Wait, this is not true, because I HAVE been in the place where I was with an unbeliever in a serious relationship. It scared the crap out of me to think how God's destiny for my life could be cut short because I was married to someone who couldn't encourage me to follow Christ.
Christ, in the honest plain truth, is about 70% of my life. I need Christ to be 100% of my life and I am in a work in progress to this goal. There is really nothing I can give to a secular wife. At best, I can give her 30% of who I am, and that is not good enough for either of us. Please reconsider this. You can bring up the discussion with "I fear we may not ever be able to share our heart's desires with each other." This can lead into why you need to be with someone who can nurture your relationship with Christ, and not hold you back from it.
The sooner the better too. It does not get any easier to address with time, let me tell you!
1. The first and foremost, leading your boyfriend to Christ. Your plain and simple love will be the strongest attractant to Christ. He will see that Christ has given you something beyond this world, and he will want it for himself. From what you have said, he does not want anything near that of the "religious" people he grew up with. My guess is, giving the benefit of the doubt to your boyfriend, legalism was forced upon him rather then Christ's love. You have to also ask yourself if he did have a very loving and Christ centered upbringing, why hasn't he accepted the life Christ calls us to live? Does he love the world, or something in the world more then Christ?
2. You need to seriously contemplate the ramifications of marrying someone who doesn't have a relationship with Christ. Your marriage will be extremely shallow -- at best. Your marriage will cause you to slip away from Christ and into the world system -- at worst. I couldn't imagine living with someone the rest of my life and not being able to share my passion with them. Wait, this is not true, because I HAVE been in the place where I was with an unbeliever in a serious relationship. It scared the crap out of me to think how God's destiny for my life could be cut short because I was married to someone who couldn't encourage me to follow Christ.
Christ, in the honest plain truth, is about 70% of my life. I need Christ to be 100% of my life and I am in a work in progress to this goal. There is really nothing I can give to a secular wife. At best, I can give her 30% of who I am, and that is not good enough for either of us. Please reconsider this. You can bring up the discussion with "I fear we may not ever be able to share our heart's desires with each other." This can lead into why you need to be with someone who can nurture your relationship with Christ, and not hold you back from it.
The sooner the better too. It does not get any easier to address with time, let me tell you!
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D'Ann
Catholic... Faith, Hope and the greatest is LOVE
lferraro244 said:
5 years is a long time. Congratulations.
I'll try my best to give you good advice. One thing that I've learned is that we change from year to year, sometimes, we change from month to month... Life in itself is about daily change in one way or another.
It is very normal and natural that you and your boyfriend are seemingly growing in different directions Spiritually when it comes to God. As human beings, we all grow individually. Right now, you are walking on a wonderful journey, getting to know your faith better and developing this wonderous love for God. This is a very excellent time in your life for you.
Your boyfriend may someday start to grow in this direction too, but it may take him awhile to get there. One thing that you can do is pray for him everyday (I'm sure that you do this), and always let your light shine. Love him with the love of christ. 1 Cor. 13...
He may not realize the truth right now, in that we need to be more than "good" people. We need to ask forgiveness of our sins, sincerely and with great remorse and then by faith, accept forgiveness and live our lives for Christ... He may come around though by your example and role model.
Keep praying for him. We cannot change people, only God through the Holy Spirit can. We plant the seeds, but the Holy Spirit is the one who needs to water them... but the seeds have to be open to being watered. I would truly keep praying for him. I wouldn't try to change him into what you think he should be. He may not be ready to become a stronger Christian or to understand what truly being Christian means yet. If you try to force him to change... he will resent you. Pray for him and love him. If he ask you questions... answer his questions as objectively as you can. When he is upset or angry or hurt, tell him... I love you and I'll say a prayer for you... little sentences like that will hit home much more and quicker than any other way.
Next time he asks you that question. Look him straight in the eyes and say... Yes... and then explain to him gently that God has come to be very important to you and that you are hungry for truth and knowledge and your spiritual needs are important as his are as well. See what he says.
He may resist you in this way, he may withdraw from you... It may come to a point where he might try to change you or give you an ultimatum... at that time, pray, pray, pray, and hold your ground.
If he is truly the right one that our heavenly Father designated just for you, everything will work out and be fine. If not, it is better to find out early, than later after being married and having children.
You need to be honest with him and not allow the subject to be changed. You both need to talk about this. The reason being is that your faith is now something that is on the front burner, instead of the backburner. Out of fairness to him and you, he needs to know how important your faith is to you. He also needs to know that you love him and that you will pray for him and that you will let God touch his life and that you will do your best to share your faith with him respectfully. I wouldn't force information on him, but I would definitely be as honest as possible with him. He needs to know that you are growing spiritually in this area and that this is very important to you.
I don't know why God has put you and him in each other's lives. Perhaps, for you both to grow old together... or maybe for you both to learn and grow from knowing each other... perhaps, for this moment right now...
No one knows the future... Only he can make the decision with an open heart to serve Christ. What we can do is pray for him.
Marriage... before getting married, weigh out and balance the good and the not so good.. pray and truly listen to your heart.
What I'm reading here is that you may be growing apart from him. You love him, but you are worried and you both are changing sooooo much...
I don't know what else to share with you. My heart goes out to you both and I pray that God will intervene and touch your boyfriend's heart and bring him closer to Jesus.
God Bless You,
Debbie
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Sketcher
Born Imperishable
If he breaks up with you over this, it's going to be his fault and his loss. And you will get to move on to bigger and better things. So don't fear a breakup. Christ is worth more than any relationship with any human being.
I agree, pray for him, and don't try and force a change. Let God do whatever He wants in your life, and follow Him wherever. That and everything else D'Ann said.
I agree, pray for him, and don't try and force a change. Let God do whatever He wants in your life, and follow Him wherever. That and everything else D'Ann said.
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ascribe2thelord
Punk Rock Christian
It's clear that he thinks of you as a wannabe non-Christian and not as a real Christian. He doesn't want you to fear the Lord, just his whims. He doesn't want to see you distanced from him, he is jealous of God because He has (or ought to have) priority in your life, and he seriously
NEEDS TO GET SAVED.
So anyways, I've been in a relationship with a non-believer who thought completely that she was a believer (and still does) although she doesn't bear any of the fruits of being one. You know what I did? Absolutely nothing. She eventually broke up with me. But I could see how she was pushed around by every worldly whim that's out there. And I remained steady in Christ ... sort of. Actually I fell into some sexual sin with her. But I got out and I refuse to talk to her anymore. That's something that you're going to have to do eventually too, unless you want to be hitched to this guy in the long run ... or, I mean, however long "in the long run" means for him. Non-Christians are allowed by themselves to divorce, you know.
NEEDS TO GET SAVED.
So anyways, I've been in a relationship with a non-believer who thought completely that she was a believer (and still does) although she doesn't bear any of the fruits of being one. You know what I did? Absolutely nothing. She eventually broke up with me. But I could see how she was pushed around by every worldly whim that's out there. And I remained steady in Christ ... sort of. Actually I fell into some sexual sin with her. But I got out and I refuse to talk to her anymore. That's something that you're going to have to do eventually too, unless you want to be hitched to this guy in the long run ... or, I mean, however long "in the long run" means for him. Non-Christians are allowed by themselves to divorce, you know.
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heartnsoul
Don't settle for less than God's best!
Focus your time and energies on becoming spiritually stronger. Strengthen your walk with Christ. Do not be unequally yoked with your boyfriend. Being his friend and offering him advice is fine, but anything else more than that will not be in your best interest.
As the bible says, "Seek His kingdom first..." May you renew your commitment to God and find your 100% security in God and God alone. Don't settle for less than God's best.
As the bible says, "Seek His kingdom first..." May you renew your commitment to God and find your 100% security in God and God alone. Don't settle for less than God's best.
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