I need a little advice....

[NoddaProbBob]

hey....I've kinda got to get something off my chest...

Well...I wasn't exactly sexually assaulted. This is what happened...

about a week ago or so, I was working. (mind you I'm 16, so I'm flipping burgers). well anyhow, I was stocking some stuff that I needed upfront, so I had to go in the back and get things. well, this guy that I had started becoming friends with since I'd started working there, came to talk to me in back. well, there are these tall shelfs in the back and they're pretty long too, so I was way in the back and I went to walk out of shelf area and the guy came and put his arm around my chest from behind and pulled me in the back. so then I was like what's going on, and then he said "I think I owe you something" and then he started making out with me. and I tried to pull away and I could tell he wasn't letting me go. well he eventually stopped and then he was leaving so he told me to have a good weekend and that was it.

I wasn't sure what to think about it. we were pretty good friends and then he did this. so there were a lot of things going through my mind. I was worried and unsettled and happy. But while he was kissing me, he was really being pushy and it sounded like he was "getting hot" (sorry, don't mean for that to be graphic, but I didn't know how else to say it).
well, the next time I came to work, he didn't say anything to me. Nothing. he wouldn't look at me. didn't smile. So...I just kinda came to a realization....He was just doing it to get his rocks off.....
and I feel really hurt. and angry. and I feel taken advantage of....I'm lucky I didn't get taken advantage of...and I realize that now...

so....does anyone have any input about this? I'd really like to hear what everyone else has to say about this....
thanks...
J.j

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

really?
I've never really been in this situation before...so I'm not exactly sure what to do....

Lots of things are going to start happening at work now because a friend of mine that works there said she felt uncomfortable with him around and she asked if it was ok that she told a manager. and I said yes, as long as my name wasn't mentioned.
so....Im sure someone is going to figure out it was me, or he's going to get written up, and then he's going to tell everyone it's me. I dont know what to do....

 

[BelindaP]

That's not just sexual harrassment. That's sexual assault. He could do jail time for what he did.

I would quietly inquire around with the other female staff and see if he has done anything like this to anybody else. My guess is that he has. If so, you could go together to file the harrassment report. That way it wouldn't be just one of you doing it.

I would even consider filing charges against this guy. Men like him almost always escalate their behavior over time.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

you really consider this sexual assault?

I mean, I don't know enough about it, but I thought it was only classified as assault if someone was completely taken advantage of....
I hope that makes sense....

 

[BelindaP]

Yes, it is sexual assault. If the guy put hands on you in a sexual way, it is assault. I believe the legal term for it would be sexual battery. Assault is the threat of something, and battery is actually putting hands on.

The guy is a 1st rate scumbag, and I would steer clear of him as much as possible. At the very least, he needs a lesson in how to behave around women. I think he needs more than that, although I don't expect you to have to deal it to him. Hopefully, somebody else will.

I'm just glad that that you got out of it OK. You should try never to be left alone with him, especially if it's just you two in the store. You never know...

I will pray for your safety and also for him to get some sense.

 

[BigToe]

If he touched you in any way and you didn't want him to, it is most certainly sexual assault. You did nothing wrong and I completely understand you feeling hurt and taken advantage of. You were. What he did was wrong. Yes, be glad it didn't go further than it did, but just because he didn't go further doesn't make what he did any less wrong.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Thanks for letting me know....I don't even know what to say....

well, I went to work tonight and I had to talk to a manager about what happened. and I almost started balling in front of her, and she asked me what happened, and I couldn't even talk to her, none the less I had to, but I couldnt look at her.
He's getting a write-up, and if anything else happens, he has automatic termination. after he gets his write-up though will be the real test of my endurance. After word gets out, things around the store are going to get real tough, and I don't know what to do....

I'm just so upset....

 

[Mela'h]

Good on you for having the courage to talk to your boss. Too bad she didn't fire his sorry a** right on the spot.

You did the right thing, you took back what happened to you and I'm really proud of you!

Praying for you!

One more thing. Did you tell your parents? You should let them know what happened.

 

[UnitynLove]

Praying for you sister!

 

[BelindaP]

You may be surprised once word gets out in the store. There may be others who know his ways. I don't think any of them will judge you. If they do, then they're not worth any thought from you.

How are you doing? Are you holding up OK? We're pulling for you.

 

[LazeyWinde]

*Hugs*
Like everyone else said, you did the right thing reporting him. Try not to worry about word getting out though it'll probably make you feel awkward what HE did really should be making HIM look bad and not you. You're the innocent one in this and he was the creep who tried to take advantage of you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[BelindaP]

what HE did really should be making HIM look bad and not you. You're the innocent one in this and he was the creep who tried to take advantage of you.

 

[shazabella]

speaking out is a hard thing to do but just remember you are probably not the only one he did that to and without speaking out he could have done it to so many more.

- Shaz

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Hey everyone....I need to clear up a few things.

One, is I didn't have a choice in whether I was to speak out or not. I had to talk with a manager because I HAD to. She asked me to stick around, and I really just wanted to leave, but I obviously couldn't just do that.

Two, thank you all for your prayers. I really need them right now because my life feels like it's slipping through my fingers....

Three, (more in response to belindap's post) Im not holding up at all.....I feel miserable, and horrible....and I don't exactly know how to explain it.....I just feel bleh.

 

[BigToe]

I think feeling the way you do now is normal after what you had to deal with. Have you told anyone other than your manager at work? It might be helpful to find someone you feel comfortable talking with about it and talk it out. If it is a friend or someone a bit older, through church or not. Talking with a therapist might help too. I've found that talking things out helps me understand better why I am feeling a certain way after things happen, especially if I feel bleh.

 

[LazeyWinde]

My thoughts and prayers are with you Nod.
*hugs*