I lost my fiance

[MrErn]

I know this might not be the exact place this post should go, but its the only place I thought I could really put it. I made a post some time back about how my fiance and I split up. Well, we mended/mending things this past year and she past away last night. Im sooo terrified and dont know what to do. I need so much help and I feel so lost and empty inside. She had cystic fibrosis so she was a very sick person and in and out of hospitals her entire life. She asked me to be by her side and hold her hand while she went! What do I do? I still feel like this is a bad dream and im going to wake up. I have never lost anyone my entire life and yet she went with me holding her at her side. I dont even know what to say in this post that can even explain what im thinking/saying or feeling right now.

Im in so much shock right now I cant even think straight. My mind is blank and I cant even think 2 minutes ahead. She was 21 years old. She was almost 22. Im 25. She said she was save me a spot next to her for when I come to heaven! Oh dear lord please help me. The pain is so unbearable!

 

[JeanR]

MrErn
We know the pain you are feeling. You will feel like you are in a surreal state for awhile--it is actually God's way of protecting you. Don't fight it. Let God lead the way.

Please let us know when your arrangements are. We will hold you up in prayer and will be here for you.

With love,
Jean

 

[TogetherForever]

One moment at a time. God knows what you're feeling and thinking, even if you can't express it in words. Go to Him constantly. He will help you for He loves you so much.

I will pray that God will wrap His arms around you, give you the strength that you need, and that you will feel His love.

 

[MrErn]

Tomorrow on Monday the showing is from 3-8 and Tuesday the burial is around 9 or 10. I'm terrified of whats to come the next couple of days and afraid to go back to work.

 

[JeanR]

Your prayer warriors are with you

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is also SO great that you were able to hold her hand while she went. You gave her peace. God will give you peace in time. Stay close to Him during this time. Don't hesitate to post if you feel the need.

 

[BonnieMcG]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My daughter is 22 and my son is 25 and they lost their father two years ago. It has been a tough time for them. At your age most of your peers don't understand what you are going through and don't really know how to act or what to say. Forgive them when they say stupid things.

Some churches have grief groups that might give you a place to be with other Christians who are also experiencing grief and a pastor leading the group. Usually these would be in larger churches. Be sure and let your pastor know what you are going through and your church's prayer group.

Keep in touch with this group since we know what you are experiencing and we are praying for you. Let God know how you are feeling. May God comfort you.

Blessings,
BonnieMcG

 

[Mariawasmylife]

I know this might not be the exact place this post should go, but its the only place I thought I could really put it. I made a post some time back about how my fiance and I split up. Well, we mended/mending things this past year and she past away last night. Im sooo terrified and dont know what to do. I need so much help and I feel so lost and empty inside. She had cystic fibrosis so she was a very sick person and in and out of hospitals her entire life. She asked me to be by her side and hold her hand while she went! What do I do? I still feel like this is a bad dream and im going to wake up. I have never lost anyone my entire life and yet she went with me holding her at her side. I dont even know what to say in this post that can even explain what im thinking/saying or feeling right now.

Im in so much shock right now I cant even think straight. My mind is blank and I cant even think 2 minutes ahead. She was 21 years old. She was almost 22. Im 25. She said she was save me a spot next to her for when I come to heaven! Oh dear lord please help me. The pain is so unbearable!

Dear MrErn,

Just because you weren't married yet, doesn't mean that you aren't a widower now. It sounds to me that there was no distinction between being engaged and being married for you. So, the widows/widowers forum is a good place for you. Like the rest of us, you have lost your life partner. And I'm sorry to say, like the rest of us, you will suffer immense pain and grief. The only difference is that it will be uniquely your own. Only you will have your experience. But I will offer this; allow yourself the luxury of feeling and expressing whatever emotions come welling up out of the depths of your being, 'whenever' they come up, and 'where ever' you are. They will surprise not only your friends, but yourself as well. Your true friends will be patience and understanding. You need to allow yourself to go through the pain and express your anguish in whatever way it happens to come out. If you're like me, and I suspect most of us, you won't be able to control how or when it comes out. You will likely cry and scream like you never have before. And it IS ok to cry and scream at God. He can take it! Go to Him and let him know how your feeling. Let him know if your angry at Him. It has been 10 months since my wife died, and while my screaming at God is less frequent, I still have my moments. God has been patient with me. Like you, what I was faced, and continue to face after my wife's death is scary. I don't want to face it. But I just let the currents of emotion and time take me where they will, and I find that I somehow wake up and make it through another day. I don't always feel it, but I know God is the reason. I have told myself that I will trust in Him to get me through it until I can be with Him and my beautiful wife again in heaven. I don't have any control over that time and I know how long that will be. I don't like what I am going through, I don't want to go through it, but I know He will be faithful and be with me the whole way.

Like the others that have replied to your message, I also strongly recommend that you find a counselor and/or support group. In addition to churches, your local hospice program should have individual and group counseling support. Hospice organizations are amazing. They took amazing care of my wife as she was dying, and they are taking amazing care of me in my grief journey. Again, you qualify as a widower, so go to them and get the support you need. Also, find those one or two really good friends who will simply listen to you and not try to offer you 'practical' advice or cliches like 'it just takes time'. We all know it takes time. You just need someone to listen without judgement or feeling the need to 'fix' you. You need someone who will just listen to whatever is in your head and your heart at the time, and who will just be there to give you a hug when you need it.

Here's a hug from a fellow griever; http://www3.christianforums.com/images/smilies/groupray.gif

Your fellow griever in Christ,

--Bill

 

[SunnyPat]

Hi Mr. Erin,
I know how hard it is to loose the one you love. We all have to deal with the loss in our own way. Give yourself time to grieve. Go back to work and keep busy. I lost my husband in December. Just go one day at a time and don`t make any long range decions for a while. Remember no matter how difficult a day may be God will get you through it so just hold on to His hand real tightly. The sun still shines for all of us. Patsy