I lost a friend.

[NoCompromise]

All is healed. Thanks.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

What did D say?

 

[chi_rho]

yeah what did he say?

You might need to heal, and this distance might make him realise what he said/did was selfish and make a change.

 

[RED that's ME]

There's nothing wrong with helping others out when there's a need but you don't need to be an enabler for him with his problems. He sounds like he has loads of maturing to do. Some people do change as they get older and some don't. Can you actually imagine yourself being in a romantic situation (married) to a person like that? Have you honestly prayed about this and what does God tell you about the situation?
If a person is not ready in all areas of their life for a romantic relationship then IMO they shouldn't be in one. I know getting/giving advice on the net can stink sometimes and be really off. You might find a Godly older person locally who knows you both and can give good advice.

 

[Hope_0004]

I don't really know how to respond without knowing what he said, but if he isn't thoughtful, he probably can't be a very good friend, regardless. I think you might just have feelings for him that outweigh logic. It's not anything new to us women.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Ask yourself this: would you still care this much, if you did not like D as any more than just friends?

 

[Jenster]

To forgive, it's helpful to accept. Accept that as much as you like him and how much fun he is, he's also lazy and selfish. Charming maybe, but not as giving as you are. And accept that he said something that was rude, and that he bears full responsibility for that. He can not be your stable close friend, even though you've put in effort to make that happen.

Sometimes I think forgiveness takes time. We try to rush it, but we only get in deeper -- we try to get the other person to apologize, so it's easier for us to forgive. But they don't apologize and we feel even more heartbroken.

Instead, you should probably just focus on closing off your friendship and thus protecting yourself from his lack of caring. Once you feel okay about where things stand between you two, then it will be easier to forgive. And by all means, surrender your anger to God and ask that His Holy Spirit will give you strength as you separate from your friend. You may still be acquaintances, but from what you say about his behavior, he's not worth investing a lot more of your heart and time into. Make other friends elsewhere. God bless!

 

[Irascible]

Public drunkenness is a crime in most places. The best thing you could have done for him was let security escort him out. With any luck he would have been arrested and charged. Your intentions were noble. But the result was to enable his bad behavior.

That sounds harsh. But boys like him don't mature until they suffer consequences. He needed to face the music at the concert. He needs to face it now by losing close friendship with you until he repents of his ways. That may or may not happen. But whether it does or not, forcing him to face consequences is the right thing for both of you.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are very different things. If you have to, you can permanently end the close friendship and still forgive.

 

[sherri]

Is he a christian? It doesn't sound like he is. If not and you have feelings for him, it's better that you cut it off now to save yourself from further pain later on.

 

[awashinlove]

Public drunkenness is a crime in most places. The best thing you could have done for him was let security escort him out. With any luck he would have been arrested and charged. Your intentions were noble. But the result was to enable his bad behavior.

That sounds harsh. But boys like him don't mature until they suffer consequences. He needed to face the music at the concert. He needs to face it now by losing close friendship with you until he repents of his ways. That may or may not happen. But whether it does or not, forcing him to face consequences is the right thing for both of you.

Forgiveness and reconciliation are very different things. If you have to, you can permanently end the close friendship and still forgive.

Well said.

Speaking from personal dealings with people who accept and accept only to turn around and become hurtful when something's asked of them, this kind of destructive behavior only gets worse and creates countless victims. Harmful social habits eventually reach children and can become physical. Giving the message loud and clear that D's actions aren't acceptable does not, in my opinion, count as losing a friend so much as being one.

 

[~HopeFloats~]

Forgiveness and reconciliation are very different things. If you have to, you can permanently end the close friendship and still forgive.

So true, you can forgive him and then put distance between you both so you will not be subject to his inapropriate treatment of you.

I do nto think it matters what he said, what he said effected you, hurt you enough to make you relaize that you cannot let this continue.

 

[mina]

I don't think he sounds like much of a friend to you.

 

[Blank123]

i'd echo the others here, its possible to forgive him but still close the door on the friendship. If what he said was just that bad to warrant such a thing then thats what you need to do.

i'm sorry you're hurting though, i know how badly it hurts to lose a close fiend like that, praying for you

 

[NoCompromise]

Problem solved. Thanks.