I let God down

[trinitygrace]

I feel so horrible right now. I gave my ex of (3 years) whom I was engaged to a second chance in our relationship on the understanding that I wanted us to remain pure until marriage.
He was fine with it but his friends began joking around about it. (They are not Christian). They said "God will understand if yous two do SOMETHING!".
Than he began believing them. The boundaries I told him I wanted to keep, didn't seem to matter as much anymore, he just listened more to what his friends were saying.
Anyways, to make a long story short, I broke my convenant with God after only 5 days and I feel horrible!! We did not have intercourse but the other kind of sex and I knew that I would feel guilty afterwards because it was wrong, but I never imagined I feel like this! It's always on my mind and I'm having horrible dreams because of it!
I told him how I feel and he said that I'm not a saint and God will forgive me. He also said that I would have to be "really, really understanding" of him when he gets to wanting sexual things from me or I'd have to give him something. I feel so bad for giving in. I do really love this guy sooo much and I don't want it to end but I am afraid it will because he doesn't understand God's Word like I do and he's doesn't have that deep connection with Jesus like I do. I do want to help him though. I can't imagine going through life thinking I gave up on him and helping him with his walk. I can encourage him so much, I know I can.
Please give me some advice. I don't want to hurt him anymore! We were broken up for six months and during that time I started dating another guy who was Christian and I broke it off after only a week because I didn't feel ready for a relationship and I still had feelings for my ex. Now I'm going to do it again!!!! I'm going to hurt another guy again and break another heart. Believe me I know what it means to have a broken heart and it's the WORST pain in the world! Please someone, give me some wise advice, and Lord willing, that me do what Jesus would do in this situation.

 

[Mayflower1]

Trinity, It's okay... We all make mistakes. "All sin and fall short of the glory of God." The important thing though is that you get back up and do the right thing. If he doesn't respect your boundaries and persists to tempt you in this way, then you have to decide whether the relationship is right for you. I understand that you don't want to hurt him but he doesn't seem to care about your feelings at all and I just think that you should be careful and consider your feelings in this. It says in the Bible to "dust your feet and walk away, lest you fall into temptation." If he listens to his friends more then he considers your feelings and how strongly you feel about God, you just have to ask yourself if HE is worth being with you. You are a wonderful person and no one should be able to take advantage of you. Best Wishes, Lily00 p.s. It's okay, just don't give up!!!!

 

[trinitygrace]

Lily00,

Thanks for your post. I really appreciate your encouragement. I am really down but have faith that I can get through this. I'm just so worried about being alone and lonely. I don't know what I'll do when I am home on Friday/Saturday nights sitting in my room and feeling lonely. I'll want to cry
Do you have any advice on how to combat lonliness when you're single?
Thanks for all your wisdom.

God Bless,
Trinity

 

[Mayflower1]

Lily00,

Thanks for your post. I really appreciate your encouragement. I am really down but have faith that I can get through this. I'm just so worried about being alone and lonely. I don't know what I'll do when I am home on Friday/Saturday nights sitting in my room and feeling lonely. I'll want to cry
Do you have any advice on how to combat lonliness when you're single?
Thanks for all your wisdom.

God Bless,
Trinity

I haven't had much experience in that. My Mom is always around me. I sometimes feel lonely even when I am around her though. The best you can do is talk about your problems. Maybe get a room mate or something... It is so hard, just follow your heart though and it will tell you what to do. Fear and loneliness is only temporary. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Phillippians 4:13 Lily00

 

[goldenviolet]

trinitygrace sweetheart. i'm going to be abit blunt, because i think it will help you. it might make you cry first too. it's a mom talk. God bless you. thins can heal. you must be feeling 'dirty'. right now. it is a common reaction to getting into this type of situation.

sweetheart it's only your spirit mourning over what has been done. God excepts your asking for forgiveness. you are spotless in the precious blood of Jesus. it covers all our wrongs.

but this 'dirty' feeling isn't going to go away because you prayed asking for forgiveness. it's a consquence of the action. what will make it go away is for you to get your selfcontrol back into God's will. you need to NOT see this man anymore. he has spun a web and like his life is a spider. you need to NOT see him anymore. there is so many stumbling blocks in being unequally yoked with someone.

unequally yoked mean to be close to someone who is not spiritually your equal. it applies to our guy friends and girlfriends. christains build eachother up. other people tear us down. even if we think we are strong, we aren't. we accept sin slowly sometimes convincing ourselves it's ok. ANYWAY. you must not see him.

you need to seek shelter in the arms of brothers and sisters that will build you up. you have saved yourself alot more heartbreak and yuckie feelings buy confessing now and seeking help. GOOD GIRL!!! it's over now. besides us, who is your support sytem? i'm saying you have to rush out and tell, but is there anyone you trust to share this exsperiance with? or is there someone you can call on and ask for prayer and support for a heavy burden you have?

give me feedback sweetheart all your feelings are VERY important. i can't see your hurts, so you help me understand.

you are still your Father's sweet and lovely daughter. the same sweet and lovely daughter he will crown some day.

 

[tinineun]

I totally understand the confusion and pain you are going through. But, sweetheart, you need to stand back at look at why the Lord God gives us these "rules" about sex in the first place- so that we can be truly and beautifully fulfilled and happy. I'm telling you from a long line of personal experience that this person- whose friends have more influence on him than either your feelings or the love of God do- this guy is a loser. He might not be a loser for some other girl with low self esteem and no head on her shoulders, but where you are concerned the answer is very clear sweety- run from this relationship with full speed. You are putting your hopes in the fact that you will turn him into a christian and everything will be perfect and magical. Firstly- the Lord Himself is in charge of people's salvation. We cannot make anyone Christian and here is the part that may sting and I'm sorry but it's true- IF ANYTHING YOUR ACTIONS ARE DRIVING HIM FURTHER FROM GOD. Men listen mainly to actions not words- you can talk about God all you want- but all he sees is that you are sacrifing your beliefs and putting your relationship with him (who disregards your feelings and treats you like no woman should be treated) before your relationship with God. Let me give you a quick analogy- It's like telling someone who's looking for a pharmacy how to get to one, then telling them you also need to go and heading in the opposite direction. Do you think they will follow your advice when you start walking the other way?
If you stay with him, he will move you farther from God not vice versa. I know your intentions are good. I've been there. My ex even bought his own bible- but he did all that to try to stay with me and it all amounted to him never getting it and me feeling lonely and my relationship with him and distanced from God. I felt miserable, trapped, and filthy.
If you want to give yurself a shot in this life, if you want to be happy and fullfilled in your relationship with God and in your relationship with your husband and you want a good father for your kids who tells your boys to follow God and not a bunch of horny teenage boys than YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.
Sometimes I need to remind myslef that I have a responsibility to my future kids to find myself a husband who is capable of keeping my family pointed toward the Lord. It helps me stay away from those guys who aren't good for my relationship with the Lord.

God bless you. It will be hard and lonely for a while at first. But the rewards are eternal and they begin right away.
Try being single for a while. The best marriages result from two people who are perfectly happy as singles. Ask yourself if you have ever felt ok being just you, single.
In His Wonderful Name,
Christina

 

[BOJAX]

Hey,

I think you might be feeling lonely or are worrying about being lonely because you've put too much faith and effort into human relationships rather than a relationship with God. Remember God is everlasting and he is always there. People are fickle, they come and go. If you put more dependancy into people you will constantly be hurt because of that fact. My suggestion to you is to reject this human 'love' that this dude is giving to you. Which is all about himself and his personal gratification. That is what human 'love' is. Based on self-preservation. He is only with you because of what you can do for him. God isn't like that and God has given you something worth more when his spirit was poured onto you when you were saved. You have godly love inside you but just like a muscle, it has to be excercized to grow strong and to be useful. We excercize it by going through pressure. This will come in the form of people whom you know who will hurt you. Like now with your boyfriend. You can either run away from the pressure. Or use it to your advantage. That means going through the hurt to preserve your godly love, not giving it up in exchange for human selfish 'love. The pain you will feel is only temporary, but the love ofGod is everlasting. Take a lesson from this C.S. Lewis story...

I saw coming towards us a Ghost who carried something on his shoulder. Like all
the Ghosts, he was unsubstantial, but they differed from one another as smokes
differ. Some had been whitish; this one was dark and oily. What sat on his
shoulder was a little red lizard, and it was twitching its tail like a whip and
whispering things in his ear. As we caught sight of him he turned his head to
the reptile with a snarl of impatience. "Shut up, I tell you!" he said. It
wagged its tail and continued to whisper to him. He ceased snarling, and
presently began to smile. Then he turned and started to limp westward, away
from the mountains.

"Off so soon?" said a voice. The speaker was more or less human in shape but
larger than a man, and so bright that I could hardly look at him. His presence
smote on my eyes and on my body too (for there was heat coming from him as well
as light) like the morning sun at the beginning of a tyrannous summer day.
"Yes, I’m off," said the Ghost. "Thanks for all your hospitality. But it’s
no good, you see. I told this little chap," (here he indicated the lizard),
"that he’d have to be quiet if he came - which he insisted on doing. Of
course his stuff won’t do here: I realize that. But he won’t stop. I shall
just have to go home
"Would you like me to make him quiet?" said the flaming Spirit - an angel, as I
now understood.
"Of course I would," said the Ghost.
"Then I will kill him," said the Angel, taking a step forward.
"Oh - ah - look out! You’re burning me. Keep away," said the Ghost
retreating.
"Don’t you want him killed?" said the Angel.
"You didn’t say anything about killing him at first. I hardly meant to bother
you with something so drastic as that."
"It’s the only way," said the Angel, whose burning hands were now very close
to the lizard. "Shall I kill it?"
"Well, that’s a further question. I’m quite open to consider it, but it’s
a new point, isn’t it? I mean, for the moment I was only thinking about
silencing it..." said the Ghost.
"May I kill it?" asked the Angel.
"Well, there’s time to discuss that later" said the Ghost.
"There is no time. May I kill it?"
"Please, I never meant to be such a nuisance. Please - really - don’t bother.
Look! It’s gone to sleep of its own accord. I’m sure it will be all right
now. Thanks ever so much."
"May I kill it?"
"Honestly, I don’t think there’s the slightest necessity for that. I’m
sure I shall be able to keep it in order now. I think the gradual process would
be far better than killing it." said the Ghost.
"The gradual process is of no use at all."
"Don’t you think so? Well, I’ll think over what you’ve said very
carefully. I honestly will. In fact I’d let you kill it now, but as a matter
of fact I’m not feeling frightfully well today. It would be silly to do it
now. I’d need to be in good health for the operation. Some other day,
perhaps."
"There is no other day. All days are present now."
"Get back! You’re burning me. How can I tell you to kill it? You’d kill
me if you did."
"It is not so."
"Why, you’re hurting me now."
"I never said it wouldn’t hurt you. I said it wouldn’t kill you"...

The Angel’s hands were almost closed on the Lizard, but not quite. Then the
Lizard began chattering to the Ghost so loud that even I could hear what it was
saying.
"Be careful," it said. "He can do what he says. He can kill me. One fatal
word from you and he will! Then you’ll be without me forever and ever.
It’s not natural. How could you live? You’d only be a sort of ghost, not a
real man as you are now. He doesn’t understand. He’s only a cold,
bloodless abstract thing. It may be natural for him, but it isn’t for us.
Yes, yes. I know there are no real pleasures now, only dreams. But aren’t
they better than nothing? And I’ll be so good. I admit I’ve sometimes gone
too far in the past, but I promise I won’t do it again. I’ll give you
nothing but really nice dreams - all sweet and fresh and almost innocent. You
might say, quite innocent..."
"Have I your permission?" asked the Angel to the Ghost.
"I know it will kill me."
"It won’t. But supposing it did?" asked the Angel
"You’re right. It would be better to be dead than to live with this
creature."
"Then I may?"
"...Go on can’t you! Get it over. Do what you like," bellowed the Ghost: but
ended, whimpering, "God help me. God help me."

Next moment the Ghost gave a scream of agony such as I never heard on Earth.
The Burning One closed his crimson grip on the reptile: twisted it, while it bit
and writhed, and then flung it, broken backed on the turf.


Some people, rather than cut off the causes of sin, want to stare it in the face
and just say "no" or tell it to "be quiet" as C.S. Lewis described. They think
that would be true victory. However, this desire to try to be strong rather
than pure will not result in victory.

 

[melandshanetria]

feel so horrible right now. I gave my ex of (3 years) whom I was engaged to a second chance in our relationship on the understanding that I wanted us to remain pure until marriage.
He was fine with it but his friends began joking around about it. (They are not Christian). They said "God will understand if yous two do SOMETHING!".
Than he began believing them. The boundaries I told him I wanted to keep, didn't seem to matter as much anymore, he just listened more to what his friends were saying.
Anyways, to make a long story short, I broke my convenant with God after only 5 days and I feel horrible!! We did not have intercourse but the other kind of sex and I knew that I would feel guilty afterwards because it was wrong, but I never imagined I feel like this! It's always on my mind and I'm having horrible dreams because of it!
I told him how I feel and he said that I'm not a saint and God will forgive me. He also said that I would have to be "really, really understanding" of him when he gets to wanting sexual things from me or I'd have to give him something. I feel so bad for giving in. I do really love this guy sooo much and I don't want it to end but I am afraid it will because he doesn't understand God's Word like I do and he's doesn't have that deep connection with Jesus like I do. I do want to help him though. I can't imagine going through life thinking I gave up on him and helping him with his walk. I can encourage him so much, I know I can.
Please give me some advice. I don't want to hurt him anymore! We were broken up for six months and during that time I started dating another guy who was Christian and I broke it off after only a week because I didn't feel ready for a relationship and I still had feelings for my ex. Now I'm going to do it again!!!! I'm going to hurt another guy again and break another heart. Believe me I know what it means to have a broken heart and it's the WORST pain in the world! Please someone, give me some wise advice, and Lord willing, that me do what Jesus would do in this situation.

Trinity,
You have gotten some very good advice here thus far. There's no need of beating yourself up over this, because we ALL fall down at some point and time, but we must learn to GET UP, which sometimes can be the hardest part. When we fall, the devil wants us to wallow in our sins, and he put in our heads that God is angry at us, and will not forgive us...but this is not true! God expects us to get back up, dust ourselves off, and keep moving forward. "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." We don't press our way by looking behind us, we can't change a thing that we did a second ago, 5 minutes ago, 24 hours ago, and even a day ago. We must learn when we repent, to ask for God's grace and guidance to do better as we move forward. As for this guy, I'm sorry to say this, but right now, this is not who you need in order for you to keep your relationship with God as negative free as possible, keeping a relationship with this guy is not going to help you to stengthen your walk with God. You're in a position now, where you need to hear from God and you can't heed to his voice, fullfilling your boyfriend's desires to keep him happy and satisfied. Most guys egos are fed by their friends, and most of them don't understand that you're saving yourself for marriage, so being as though that is the case, you both are unequally yoked when it comes to this area in your life. If you keep on going with this guy, because you don't want to hurt him, or you think you will feel lonely without him, just think of how you will feel if you keep on going in a relationship with him, and he keeps pulling you away from God, and you keep giving in to temptation with him in order to keep him satisfied? Where would be your satisfaction in all of this?

So what if you are by yourself? That's the time that God can really instill his perfect will inside of you and you can concentrate more on him, and what you can do to please him instead of a man. It's okay to be alone, it's better than moving forward in a relationship that will eventrually destroy your walk with God if you keep on giving into your boyfriend's temptation. This guy is being selfish right now, and although I know you want to help him grow closer to God, this is something that he has to do for himself, but right now, he's not ready, he's more interested in what his friends have to say about him not having sex with you...If he was any kind of mature man, he wouldn't tell his business to them anyway. You deserve to be happy with a loving, saved, and good man that only God can provide. Who's to say eventually will be the right man for you? Right now this does not seem to be God's plan for the two of you to be together right now, and you have to accept that. Continue to pray for him everyday that he get a more closer walk with God. That's all you can do is pray for him, the choice to be saved is strictly up to him.

Move forward and stop beating yourself up over something that you HAVE the power to change, although you can't change what's already done, you can change how you can prevent it from happening in the future. Our falls make us stronger as we move forward in our relationship with God, so therefore, we will be more oblivious to the traps and snares that the devil sets up to try and get us to fall into. No matter what you have done, Christ forgives and sets free, go your way and sin nomore. You're never alone with Jesus, you don't need a man to make you happy, grow closer with God and I promise you; you will find everything that you think you're missing out on. The best of God's blessings to you. You know you can PM me as much as you like, and you know I'm always praying for you. I'm here to help.

~Minister Shanetria

 

[OttawaUk]

Hey Trinity.

I've been alone for awhile now and I didn't save myself either. Just remember, we all fall short of righteousness. We all sin. You made a mistake, but all you can do now is just move forward.

Trust in Him and He will lead you to someone much better for you. You need to be with someone who loves you and puts your heart and your Faith ahead of his sexual needs.

God Bless,
OU

 

[trinitygrace]

Thank all you guys for your awesome advice and uplifting words of encouragement. I know what I need to do. I am always the one to try and put others' feelings before my own. That's why I don't want to hurt my boyfriend. But I now realize that I am furthering his walk alway from Christ by continuing this relationship and setting myself up for tempation and additional hurt. I am causing him to sin by being with me when I should stand up for what I believe in and pursue God. I know this will hurt him, but in the long run, I feel it's the right thing to do and I pray and hope he someday understands that. Right now, I can only pray for him each day that he will draw closer to the Lord and get convicted by his actions and those of his friends and family. I will grab the power of prayer by the handles and pray and pray for him and believe God will do a wonderful work in his life. Although my boyfriend has been saved for about 3-4 years, he really does not live a truly saved life. But that is not for me or anyone else to judge. He is a struggling, young Christian who needs lots of encouragement, prayer, and a support system of close friends and family who are true followers of Christ. I wish so much he could find a Christian mentor, like an older Chrstian guy that can be a role model for him and help him overcome the controlling influence of his friends and his own urges and desires.
However, it is not my job to do all of this for him. All these ideas I stated above, he may very well refute because it is only in his time that he will want to truly follow God. I feel as if I am on a different path than him through my walk with Christ, and even though I love him immensely and we have shared so many memories together, both good and bad, I have to do this because God is #1 and always will be. I told him that the other night God was number one in my life and he said God was also number one in his life too. Somehow, that's hard for me be believe.
Please continue to pray for me and also for my boyfriend, whom I will talk with later. Pray I receive the strength, comfort and conviction from God that I am doing His will and the right thing and please pray for my boyfriend who is lost, to find his way to God with the help of friends and family members who are saved and striving to please God, to find their way into his life and convict and lead him to our Father.
Thank you all for your prayers and kind words. I am here anytime if any of you need advice or just an ear to listen. Please pm me anytime.

Love in Him,
Trinity Grace

 

[OttawaUk]

Trinity, I will say a prayer for him.

Just remember though, and it may be difficult to face this someday, but as Christians we should not be yoked to unbelievers.

It may be hard choice to face some day, but the Lord knows what is best for us.

God Bless you both,
OU

 

[Silent Bob]

He also said that I would have to be "really, really understanding" of him when he gets to wanting sexual things from me or I'd have to give him something.

This is emotional blackmail. You dont have to give him anything you don't want to. If he loves you he will understand if not then maybe he is not worth it.

Now I am against abstinence but there are fun and sexual things you can do that can give both of you pleasure without having sex.

I do really love this guy sooo much and I don't want it to end but I am afraid it will because he doesn't understand God's Word like I do and he's doesn't have that deep connection with Jesus like I do.

People understand the Bible in different ways and experience God in different ways too. It is not about the level of connection it is more of the kind.

I can't imagine going through life thinking I gave up on him and helping him with his walk.

If you do give up on him do so after you tried to help him. Hey some people dont want help you are not to blame his choices are his own.

I'm going to hurt another guy again and break another heart.

Most of us are used to it. Think nothing of it.

 

[melandshanetria]

Trinity, all is well...just keep the faith in God and know that there are some praying people out there, that is praying for you and keeping you up before God.

God bless.

~Minister Shanetria

 

[Just Me Garry]

It is easy to get into these type of situations and it has happened to me also.
I would encourage you to spend your time together with groups of people and being around people when you are together. It sure does help diffuse temptation.

After reading your last post--I have an important question for you. Is this man a Christian or not? One can not just profess Christianity and not having any desire for the things of Christ. It does take time for people to grow in the Lord. That is a lifelong process.

If this man really respects you and wants to honor you he will not force himself on you and let time take its place.