I know there is something wrong with me

[DarkLegend28]

Friends have told me that I need to see a professional, but I always refuse. Time after time, I get confronted with the desire to get help but I am either too ashamed or self-loathing to get help. I've cut myself before to try and get help, but no one noticed. I've acted out at school before but no one noticed and I don't know how else to let some one know. Just telling someone makes me feel very uncomfortable. The one time I asked my mother for help, she laughed in my face and told me that her life was so much worse than mine and she didn't need help. But my mother died of cancer a few months ago and I'm living with my sister in like a totally new world in another state. And now I feel more courageous to get help, but more self-loathing to not get help. And I want help, but I just can't find a way I can do it. And I hate it... can someone help me...? Give me advice? How can I let someone know?

 

[PassionateWorshipper]

DarkLegend28,

Do you know what you are ashamed of? Do you know what causes you to be self-loathing? Unfortunately, it is not all that unusual for young women to cut themselves to try to release their internal pain. I'm sorry that your mother did not validate you when you asked for help. I can only imagine that she had wounds inside and her own pain kept her from being able to meet your need.

You have gone through a huge transition recently. Losing your mother, your home, etc. Do you want to share how this makes you feel?

Yes, DarkLegend28, there is help for you. Jesus can and does heal those wounded places in our hearts. That is my reality. If you would like to talk privately, go ahead and PM me.

I'm sorry that this is so difficult for you. I will be praying for you, that God will reach you and reveal His love to you in a greater way. There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still. He is strong enough to walk you through this dark time. May the Lord breathe peace and life upon you. May His healing balm soothe your soul. In Jesus' name. -PW

 

[DarkLegend28]

Sigh.. I wish I could find someone that understood. No one understands the way I do... It's just pathetic...

 

[madison1101]

Tell your sister you need help and that you are going to get it. If she refuses, then go to the school counselor and ask for help. That person can help you find help.

 

[DarkLegend28]

I doubt it.

 

[madison1101]

I doubt it.

Your negative thinking about getting help will create a self-fulfilling prophecy where you don't get help. You need to ask for help and keep asking. If you want it badly enough, you have to fight for it. Go to school and tell the counselor there. Look in the local phone book for the local mental health board and call them and tell them you need therapy. Call the psychiatric hospital and ask where you can access outpatient therapy. If you want it badly enough, you will get it. If you just give up and don't look for help, then you will get no help.

 

[DarkLegend28]

I doubt my sister is gonna offer up the money to get my help.. i just realized...

 

[madison1101]

I doubt my sister is gonna offer up the money to get my help.. i just realized...

Do you have medical insurance? If not, a lot of community mental health agencies offer services based on your income. Stop thinking negatively and ask for help. Do you get social security benefits as an orphan? You should if your mother was a wage earner when she died. Therefore, that money could be used to support you and help pay for your medical help, which mental health is a part of your medical needs.

Again, you won't know if you don't ask.

 

[DarkLegend28]

I talked to my sister.... She said that everything I feel is normal... That life sucks and I just need to deal with it.... I dont... I dont know what to do... There's nothing I can do... And I dont know anyone at my school... i dont know who anyone is... and there are so many kids like 5000 I doubt they will have time for my case since its so petty.... If only my life were 5 times worse would I get help... I'll never get help...

 

[PassionateWorshipper]

Stop in at the school office and ask them who your guidance counselor is. They will give you the information and direct you to the right place. Then make your counselor get you an appointment to talk to them and explain your situation.

You are worth fighting for. You may, however, have to determine to fight to get what you need. It is not impossible, even though you may feel overwhelmed.

-PW

 

[DarkLegend28]

I can't see myself able to do that.... I'm just that pathetic... nevermind.. it's hopeless.....

 

[PassionateWorshipper]

You are worth the investment even though your circumstances have dictated otherwise for some time. You are not what your circumstances tell you, you are what God tells you. His word to you is:

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." ~Jeremiah 29:11


I wish that I could do this for you, as anyone with a mother's heart would, but I can't. You truly can seek out the help you need and rely upon God to give you the courage go speak up and get it. Guidance counselors are there as a resource for all of the students to give them "guidance" and help them access the resources that are available to them. You are a student and that right is yours as well as anyone elses, but you have to ask.

Being a victim of your circumstances is a lie that you have believed about yourself for some time. God says He has hopeful plans for you, and a future, not this dismal present that you feel locked into. Part of making the choice who to believe is taking action. And you're right, it's not the way you would normally proceed. But trusting in God, you can do this "out-of-the-box" thing for yourself. I assure you, that looking back on the choices you can make now, you will be surprised at the strength the Lord has given when you step out in faith.

-PW

 

[DarkLegend28]

It's so hopeless...

 

[madison1101]

It's so hopeless...

Choose what you want to beliueve. God says, "For I know the plans I have for you." says the Lord, "Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you HOPE and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

If you are a Christian, you can by faith believe that God has plans that include hope for you. That is your choice. If you want to stay with your negative thinking, you will always get a negative result. Nobody can do this for you, but you.

Choose to believe God's Word today. Step out in faith and see what the Lord has in store for you.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[DarkLegend28]

I wish someone listened better.... and I wish I knew how to say what i felt in a manner more presentable and understandable...

 

[PassionateWorshipper]

Perhaps you could try... And we could try to listen better...

-PW

 

[DarkLegend28]

Though there is nothing that anyone can do... Even if someone did listen... No one can do anything on the computer... Theres no advice left to give. I'm pretty much on my own now... I dont even understand why I made this thread anyways... I keep thinking that there are more options when there isn't any..

 

[madison1101]

Though there is nothing that anyone can do... Even if someone did listen... No one can do anything on the computer... Theres no advice left to give. I'm pretty much on my own now... I dont even understand why I made this thread anyways... I keep thinking that there are more options when there isn't any..

You started the thread because you need help. You have been told how to try to get the help. We are limited in how we can help you. A therapist or counselor can help you more, because you can tell that person exactly what is going on. Only you can help yourself get that help. God bless you as you try to get the help you need.

Hugs,
Madison

 

[DarkLegend28]

Yeah I know I'll get help eventually... in a few years I can go in and help myself... but right now there just isnt anything but thats okay... i think i can wait 3 more years... if my anger doesnt keep progressing as it is..

 

[madison1101]

Yeah I know I'll get help eventually... in a few years I can go in and help myself... but right now there just isnt anything but thats okay... i think i can wait 3 more years... if my anger doesnt keep progressing as it is..

I work in a psychiatric hospital where there are teenagers getting help all the time. There are therapists who specialize in adolescence. There is help if you ask for it. You just refuse to ask for it. That is your right and I won't mention it again. Just know that you don't have to wait 3 more years for it. It is available to you now.