I just don't understand...

[Rosa Mystica]

...why after trying to make an earnest effort at loving myself for a good month and a half I had to relapse into depression? Why does happiness elude me even when I try my darndest to get it?

I would also like to know why the thought of killing myself at 25 has resurfaced again. I abolished this plan earlier this year. Why is this thought tormenting me NOW?????? Why must I continually feel like I have nothing to live for? Why am I so PATHETIC?!

And why am I asking you all this? There's nothing you can do anyway. I tried to deal with my illness, but it's just an exercise in futility.

I will never, ever feel happiness or joy again...

 

[lawtonfogle]

you are convinced your joy has been taken from you, but it is you who has given it up. The devil cannot take from you your joy.

 

[LoG]

A couple of things that help me: Write out a list of things in my life that I'm gratefull for, no matter how small and then thank God for them. Try to maintain an attitude of gratitude.

Help someone who may be struggling. Volunteer work, etc.

Since depression is often a result of anger at oneself, write out a list of things which I'm angry about. Are they things I can do something about? Or do I need to Let go and Let God?
Am I trying to be a perfectionist then beating myself up for because I see myself not measuring up to my own standards? ie Pride?
Do I have unforgiveness, anger at someone that I'm not willing to let go of?

These are things which can sometimes trigger me to go into a depression if I'm not careful.

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Not to be insensitive or anything like that, but have either of you ever experienced clinical depression before? If you have, you will know that things aren't always as simple as they look when you have it.

 

[LoG]

Not to be insensitive or anything like that, but have either of you ever experienced clinical depression before? If you have, you will know that things aren't always as simple as they look when you have it.

Yes I have. Off and on for many years. The things I have listed are techniques I've learned from others in various self-help groups I've been associated with. Although they haven't eradicated it, they minimize the impact a great deal. I recognize quicker that what I am going through is temporary and is likely the result of negative thoughts I've been playing with.
I'm not sure what your status is with God but for myself I get a lot of help also by reading selected verses from the bible. I realize that while I'm down it is hard to be motivated to do anything that might help myself. It is like I almost get a perverse pleasure in my little pity party.
Therefore I try to do some these tricks before I get into that state. It has reduced the frequency a great deal and helped me to recognize what I need to do recover from it. It has been an ongoing process, but I'm a lot better than i used to be.

 

[luv4godremains]

hey, you're aren't pathetic! don't say to yourself that you are, I know it's hard to believe that could possibly be a wonderful person who is greatly loved, with reasons as to why God put you here, but, it's true! God love's you and will reveal the things he wants from you as you go along, the purpose for you. Clinical depression is soo hard, and takes a lot to get out of it, some people never do, but, with the love and help of God, you can! God's on your side, rooting for ya hun, wanting to bat the enemys away, to give you joy again, it's not simple, in fact, it's soo hard and complicated, but you can get through this. stay strong, God bless, PM me any time, even if you just feel bad about yourself, anything, I'll be happy to reply and pray for you and try to find a way to help you get better! God bless

 

[mikeforjesus]

This article might be helpful
http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/CBNTeachingSheets/Depression.asp

Also try getting this book if you can http://russianorthodox.org/conqdepr.html
I am Coptic Orthodox , I understand you are catholic but this might be helpful for all christians I found it helpful and just bcoz u have the medical condition depression maybe doesnt mean it wont help.. also u dont have to have "major" sins to get depressed.

Since u think u have Clinical depression this treatment called Neurotherapy might be helpful. I started using it some time ago and am in my 7th session I think now and it seems like it might be helping me. I also have social anxiety and adhd possibly. The eeg shows adhd but still we can never be sure why it came. But I still have it..??
Read up on it here.. I dont think using this is stopping Gods will in my life if it works right? because He made it possible to find.. but I dont know. I reason He can still make it not work or in time rid its benefits. I hope im making sense. Anyway God Bless!

http://www.eegspectrum.com/IntroToNeuro/
http://www.eegspectrum.com/Applications/InfoNetwork/

You live in canada right? these places should offer it .. I hope its near you. There might be other places that offer it but this site mentions two.

Canada

Russell​

Brainwave Therapy
Janet E. MacMillan, RN
159 Forced Road
Russell,
Near Ottawa, ON, CANADA K4R 1A1
Tel613) 445-4514
janet.macmillan@rogers.com​

Surrey​

Susan J. Diamond, Ph.D.
13768 32nd Ave
Surrey, BC V4P 2B8 Canada
Tel604) 541-9350
Fax:541-9329
diamonds@intergate.bc.ca​

I might reply again later too there might be more on my mind to say. Sister im praying for you.

 

[mikeforjesus]

Also id like to say me getting off the tv completely except for the christian channel I think helped me alot from comparing myself with others and causing unnecessary discontent to myself.. also helps me stop pitying myself.

 

[mikeforjesus]

and gets u to actually solving your problems and the emptyness.. because Christ solves it.

 

[mikeforjesus]

[size=+1]Christ Will Fill Us With Himself[/size]

"St. Paul tells us here also that he rejoiced in his thorn. He did not at first. He creid to heaven to have it removed. But when his Master told him that he needed to keep it, that he needed it, that it had in it a blessing for him, he chafed no longer. Indeed, he made friends with it quickly, accepted it, and stopped complaining about it. That is the only right and sensible thing to do with any disagreeable, uncongenial, or painful thing we find we cannot have removed. It is God's will that it should be in our life for some good reason which He knows. We should get the victory over it by taking it to our heart, be receiving it as coming from Christ. No matter how it hurts us, if we accept it in this way it will leave benediction in our life. God sends some of our greatest blessings to us in our thorns, and it will be a sad thing if we thrust them away and miss them. There are many who are so full of themselves that they have no room for Christ. If only they could come empty, empty of self, He would fill them with Himself, and then they would have untold power for good in the world. He knows when pain is needful, when loss is the only way to gain, when suffering is necessary to hold us at His feet. He gives us trouble in order to bless us in some way, and we shall always be losers when we chafe or reject our thorn." (p. 45). I think its:


[size=+1]Taken from "The Garden Of The Heart"
[/size]A book written in 1918

 

[mikeforjesus]

I dont know if that might help u in anyway it did for me at some point or something similar from a different book.. I feel like that was stupid for posting that it doesnt seem relevant.. I hope it is though.

 

[akasmom]

Right off the bat, yes, I've struggled with depression. And I always win, and I'm not on meds. I DO NOT suggest that meds are bad in anyway - if they are working take 'em! OK, this part is going to sound unbelievably harsh, but here goes:
You're feeling bad? So what? You are going to have to reach down deep and put aside how you feel, how things look, and everything else but what you know is true. Do you know of the height and depth and length and breadth of His love for you? If you can praise Him by faith - regardless of how it feels, looks, seems, what other people say, etc. you can find a place of meeting with Him, a presence of Him that will defy every logic, every circumstance. Yes, I know just how horribly hard that is. I know the oppressive weight this puts you under, how all-encompassing the feeling of depression is. It is even physical. But ultimately, it is a feeling. It is a lie. It is not the truth. You need to go to God and ask for revelation on His truth about this. I can't tell you, you need it straight from the throne. But because He loves you so intensely, because He wants you to have victory here (He did die to give it to you - that's how serious He is about you) He is willing to do that for you. Ask, then ask again. Keep seeking Him. And He will be found.
John 14:27 / Psalm 23 / Psalm 103 / Romans 8:37-39 / Hebrews 4:14-16 / 2 Cor. 4:8-10
Blessing to you, and peace be with you.

 

[Kingdom Embracer]

you've done really well to manage 6 weeks of loving yourself. I'd agree with Lion of God about making yourself think of things to be grateful for. I know when I am heading into my black hole that it can help stave it off. And although this might sound a bit weird, praising God can makes a huge difference. Even when I don't think it does at the time, I've found it makes whatever I'm facing more manageable.