I Hurt My Future Daughter in Law

[Christine5884]

Hello all, I need some prayer. This whole thing is so horrible. My future daughter in law and I started out great. I’ve known her for 3 years now. She is a lovely girl with a strong faith in God. Well I know I am at fault in this whole thing here. I recently started a new job back in February and by May my relationship with God had diminished to almost nothing. I found myself so busy and tired I often fell asleep while trying to pray or do devotions. So I could tell I was changing and becoming someone I know is not me. Just about a month ago, my future daughter in law wanted to come over for a movie night. Well my husband who is a truck driver and isn’t grounded in God did not want anyone over that night. The house wasn’t very clean and it was just not a very good night. Sorry for details but I need to give you all context. A few days passed by and my son said that due to me behaving different when my husband is here, my future daughter in law has chosen to distance herself from me. She said I am not the woman of God she thought I was nor is my household run in a Godly way. She said she loves me but needs space. Okay well I didn’t take it well and she said that because yes I had made the mistake of going to the casino with my husband 2 times in the last 2 months because when he comes home he doesn’t want to stay inside as he is in a truck for 3 months at a time. Well my son was telling her a lot of what we were doing in our home plus he told her a lot about his upbringing which I also am responsible for because I used to talk to my son about stuff that happened between me and his step dad. I know it was awful and I have repented of that because I really didn’t know I was hurting him. It was done to me because my mom used to complain to me about my dad and vice versa. I feel so horrible because she told my son that I used him as a fill in husband. That makes me feel so so so rotten. My son says he loves me and has no resentment towards me because of that but he is with Gods help trying to unravel all that he had to grow up with. My mom and dad lived with me and there was always a fight for power in the house between my dad and husband. My dad passed away 2 years ago, but my mom is still with us. Sorry this is so long. Well what has happened recently was that my husband called my future daughter in law “little Hitler” and I said I was afraid he would marry someone controlling. I never said that name my husband used. My son felt the need to tell her and now she says she wants to not have any communication with me and because my husband said that and we are married I am also guilty by association. She said with the little she has seen in my house we are not living a Godly life. So she has distanced herself from me and they are getting married in April. My son says she has asked for her space from me and he also said if I can change and be the Godly woman he believes I can be there is a chance mine and her relationship will get through this. As for now I am a wreck and I wanted to apologize to her in person but she said no so I apologized through text which my son said was received, but that is all. She said in text that she has nothing against me nor did she ever feel anything bad towards me and that she respects me as her husbands mom, but she needs her space. My son says that I hurt her so bad it will take time, but he’s not sure what God will do with this but I just have to give it to Him. I am trying everyone, but my heart feels so so so bad for what I did to her. I love her and I have been there for them this whole time even when they broke up and got back together 3 times. I was there for her when her mom passed away from breast cancer and I just wish she could understand how much I do love her and I only said that because of fear. Please keep me in prayer that this would be restored someday. Thank you all and God bless.

 

[Michie]

It really sounds like your son is passing things along that he should not. Your humility in all of these speaks volumes to me. I know you are hurt but since you already apologized, you’ll have to let it go and pray for healing.

 

[Christine5884]

Thank you Michie, I would do anything for them and yes he passed on too much information, so I am being very careful with anything I say anymore. I also did apologize to my son and told him I would not allow my husband or my mom nor will I ever say anything ill or insulting or hurtful against her again. Thank you for replying and your prayers. God bless you!!

 

[pdudgeon]

It definitely sounds like a tangled mess.
I think the thing to do here is:
1. to give your future daughter-in-law and your son the space that they ask for,
2. re-work your own relationship with your husband
3. organize your days so that you don't have so many things piling up on you to be done.
4. Spend some dedicated time with God, and re-establish that relationship.
If you can try doing these things, you will probably not have so many problems to handle.

 

[Christine5884]

Thank you Pdudgeon, that is exactly what I am doing. It’s all so awful, but I will work on me and my relationship with God and my husband. He does not have a relationship with God. He believes in Him but there is no daily interaction. So praying for my husband to have one with God.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

From what I can tell this isn't your fault, especially what you talked about "the movie night" incident. People get tired from their jobs, and if your spouse wants quiet time then there is not a lot you can do other than ignore your husband's wishes and instead risk creating a problem on that end instead of with your future daughter in law.

 

[Paul4JC]

(None of us walk perfectly with God. For her to be "grading" you is so wrong. She doesn't need to know all of your business. Your husband is right.)

Lord we pray for Christine5884. Bless her home with your presence as she serves her husband best she can. Draw him closer to you and fuller understanding of salvation in Christ. Lord your will be done concerning the upcoming marriage. May Christine5884 know your love and faithfulness and grace that saves us in a deeper way. In Jesus name, Amen.

[Gal 5:1 NIV] 1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

 

[splish- splash]

I pray peace and harmony will reign in your home Amen

 

[Stephanie7]

Heavenly Father, I pray that You would release Christine of the condemnation she feels brought on by her future daughter in law's reaction, and give her understanding that Christine and her husband were tired, and wasn't refused because of anything personal? Help her future daughter in law to forgive her and this relationship to be restored. Bring peace to this situation, according to thy Will, In Jesus Name, Amen

I don't see why you are blaming yourself for this. You were judged wrongly and that isn't right either.

 

[tturt]

Newsflash for both of them - All parents make mistakes - and children do as well. She seems immature to me as a person and as a believer.

Would definitely give them space. Forgive everyone. After God, yout husband is your priority. So I would asks the Lord for wisdom and to guide and direct me.

 

[HARK!]

Is your future daughter in law familiar with these verses?

(CLV) Mt 18:15
"Now, if ever your brother should be sinning, go and expose him between you and him alone. If ever he should be hearing you, you gain your brother.

(CLV) Mt 5:9
"Happy are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Does she understand that as a Christian, that you are to submit to your husband.

If not, maybe your son can teach her. It looks like you've already tried to make peace as a Christian.

I can understand your husband wanting to spend time alone with you after a long trip.

 

[Joined2krist]

Praying that your daughter in law should be more understanding and that you will find your way back to Christ's loving arms. God bless

 

[bèlla]

Christine,

It sounds as if your relationship with your son had some measure of codependency. Looking to him for emotional support is a mixed bag. It robs the child of their innocence and forces them to confront adult issues they lack the maturity to parse. You needed to speak to a loved one or counselor. But that's water under the bridge.

His choice of companion may be directly influenced by this period. The "little Hitler" remark is telling. I doubt he'd say the same about you. Your dispositions are different. Make peace with the reality she'll know everything. As he mentioned, the relationship is allowing him to heal and deal with the past. There will be a period of discomfort. That's part of the process.

Give them space. Let them work through this together. She's lost her mother and was probably raised differently than your son. That can be hard to hear as a parent. You feel like you're being judged.

But as someone with an unmarried daughter I'll admit, I'm looking at everything. No one is perfect but some situations are more challenging than others. They require maturity or experiences to successfully navigate. Not everyone possesses the tools or stamina to endure it. That's why God's involvement is a must. He knows what we can handle.

Work on rekindling your relationship with the Lord and your household. Let your son attend to his. And allow the Lord to do the rest.

Yours in His Service,

~Bella

 

[Junia]

Heavenly Father, I pray that You would release Christine of the condemnation she feels brought on by her future daughter in law's reaction, and give her understanding that Christine and her husband were tired, and wasn't refused because of anything personal? Help her future daughter in law to forgive her and this relationship to be restored. Bring peace to this situation, according to thy Will, In Jesus Name, Amen

I don't see why you are blaming yourself for this. You were judged wrongly and that isn't right either.

I

Amen

Christine, I feel the Lord would want you to know that He isn't condemning you and He knows how weary you are. Rest in Him.

 

[The Scientist of the Eternal Pinecone]

I pray that God fills all of your family with His love, wisdom and acceptance.

I wanted to add that besides praying and changing your ways as the Lord grants you to do, you can also devote some small fasts about the problems you are experiencing in your life. Just anoint your head with oil, wash your face and tell God what hurts or bothers you the most and fast for a few hours. Don't hurt yourself. Trust that you will see results. Just try it out. You don't have to starve yourself. I pray that God inspires you to try this and that you can really feel the blessings of fasting and seeking His presence and help! Start small and God will help you to make your fasts longer. I pray that He grants you the mercy of coming back to His presence, love, protection and help!

Be blessed, sister!