I hope I can get some help and responses

[vigilantsoul]

I am completely been floored with the prospect my daughter may have aspergers, she will be diagnosed this week or next.

When they say aspergers and on the spectrum what does this term mean. I am totally unknowing of the subject and the little I think I may know, ends in confusion.

She is 14 and a half has very lttle social interaction even though she has two friends, she barely speaks with them. She sees a therapist for social anxiety, but she has jingles she chants to death, like annoying ads.
She has conversatons in her room with two others, but she is the only one in the room.
To me it was like she is rehearsing how she would like her social interactions to be like and practises being in an active social life.
When she was much younger everything she said, the last word would be repeated twice, but much in a whisper, like she was fascinated with the word.
If you told her, the aliens were coming tommorow, she would believe you without a doubt.
She takes everything literally. She is really immature for 14 and half years and will kiss her teddy about 200 times a day, but sometimes less on others and still does the talking for him, cute and sweet once upon a time, but now that I have had aspergers mentioned to me by therapist, not so cute anymore.

I am hoping she only has social anxiety and not both with aspergers on top, not fun to have either. I dont want people treating her any different. They already know she doesnt speak much, and people have stopped trying to be social with her.
As a student with aspergers can you be private about it, or does the whole school system end up finding out and having a label on you.

I really would love some information of the people who understand, are experiencing it.

My husband googles aspergers went through the symptoms and said no, none of this applies to her, and those symptoms were different, worded differently. He is in denial or simply doens want to know. I can understand him wanting to do this, but its not practical .

 

[SteveNZ]

Hi vigilantsoul,
I am thinking of you. I know what that is like BUT from the childs side.

Please laugh it really is no big deal. I say that carefully. (*I am 50yrs old.)

As with any autism it is really justy a set of characteristics/traits that when all together allow a reasonable diagnosis of '..this seems to be the case...'. That is all.

Teddy Bears - Do not worry. At university half the girls (and guys but you aren't allowed to know) bring along teddy bears or soft toys to talk to and comfort themselves. When I was at UNI it was one of the fun things we joked about.

I do not like labels either. I recommend using it only for specific friends/folk. Nothing worse than seeming to have an odd label.

The good points - If the diagnoses is true you have a daughter with amazing skills for learning and having a library of the mind full of much wisdom. A talented thinker and likely amazing story teller.

She is likely to have fewer friends than others, but they will be so close and caring.

She will be able to think outside the square and be the type of person who can design 'heavier than air machines (aircraft) while the rest of society thinks '..how daft is that..'.

Please, I am not a medical person so do not wish to appear so.

Please do rest assured though that we are all different. As a parent you would fret .... that is what we all do. BUT rest assured that the difference in your little angel is just that. She would be simply on the edge of what we call 'normal social skills' but also with the extraordinary skills in whatever particular application in life she chooses to follow.

The real issue is that most of life from schooling to work tends to cater for a band of social 'normality'. When a persons character is on the edge of this both the person and family/friends simply need to take control and learn mechanisms to fit.

I like the saying '..you cannot put a square peg in a round hole..but you can find a round hole big enough that the square peg will still fit OK..'.

May Jesus be with you.

 

[hedrick]

Autism is called a spectrum because it's a set of characteristics that can be present in different combinations and severity. It covers everything from super-bright computer whizzes to people who are completely locked into themselves and will never be able to live on their own. There are a couple of current TV shows with Aspie characters (Parenthood, with a boy somewhat younger than your daughter) and Alphas, with a young adult. The Parenthood character is considered to be fairly accurate. But the TV and movie characters tend to be more dramatic than typical people with it, and thus can be misleading.

Asperger's is a specific part of the spectrum. There are excellent web sites, and I'm not an expert, so I won't give you the details. But by definition people with it are above average intelligence, and as far as I know it's not used for the folks who will be unable to live on their own. Some people prefer not to use the term at all, but simply refer to it as high-function autism. There are closely related conditions with a slightly different combination of symptoms, e.g. PDD-NOS. You'll see folks here and elsewhere refer to themselves as Aspies, and to people without it as NTs (neuro-typicals).

Being diagnosed with Asperger's doesn't change you. She is still just as she was. However there is experience dealing with it, so having a diagnosis gives you (actually, given her age, gives her) access to a set of ways to cope with it. It may also make it easier to get help from schools, etc. There are policies requiring schools to make accommodations for those with handicaps. Asperger's qualifies as a learning disability (although it's only partially a disadvantage), so schools have to make allowances, to the extent that your therapist can define things the school can do to help.

There's no obligation for someone with Asperger's to tell people. I dealt with someone as a Sunday School teacher in 7th and 8th grade. For the first year no one told me, although it was sufficiently obvious that I knew it. By the second year his father talked to me. I don't believe the other kids knew it. At college some students tell the disabilities office and some don't. By that time, many have it sufficiently under control that they don't need help, although problems with roommates are apparently a common issue.

Taking things literally, and repetitive actions are both typical. The student I mentioned had trouble dealing with Jesus' teachings. Jesus tends to use hyperbole. He had trouble believing that Mat 5:29 was not meant literally. (Ironically, he's currently studying to be an English teacher. I sure hope he's improved in his ability to appreciate non-literal writing. Other than that I think he'll make a great teacher. He's an interesting combination: a fairly serious case of Asperger's but an extreme extrovert with really good interpersonal skills. The kids will love him.)

 

[dayhiker]

viligantsoul,
I have a mild case of AS. I was very much an introvert when I was young. But after years of observing people I started to feel free to express myself. I had to learn quite a few things to get there. Now I'd rather have AS than be NT.
My emotions are pretty muted with a soft toward the feeling good about people and the world. In other words I feel more good things than bad. And the energy behind bad feels disipates quickly. So when I see the emational pain NTs put themselves thru I'm glad I'm NT. But that's not all Aspies. Each of us has a few different qualities.

There seems to be a genetic aspect to AS. Does your husband seem to ahve a few of them?