I have the Lord in my heart but I still feel SO LOST

[TreverSlyFox]

I belong to a small and very close Baptist Church here in the Missouri Ozarks and my church family has supported me in this time of need. I have only been a Christian for about 11 years so I'm still learning but a recent event has me scared and afraid even though I' closer to the Lord than I ever have been.

My wife of 40 years passed away on New Years day and I have NEVER been alone before. I know the Lord has a plan for me, but of course, I have no idea what it is. I see His hand even in how my wife died, in that He protected me from her actual death here in our home. She died so quietly that not even our dog was aware it was happening.

I know this was the Lord's hand in this because I'm a retired EMT/FF/LEO and had I been aware what was happening within 15 feet of me I would have rushed to her side and done EVERYTHING I could have, LOST the battle (there was almost nothing that could have been done), and then blamed myself forever for not doing enough. I can see that as plain as day and feel it in my heart.

I KNOW the Lord is with me even right now as I type this, but inside, in my guts, I still feel SO ALONE. My neighbors up the hill (also fellow church members) take me out to coffee every morning except for Sundays when we go to church in the morning. This really helps but its only 1-2 hours out of 18 I'm awake and much of the time, if I'm not doing something, I'm just pacing back and forth in this house.

I have this almost overwhelming fear of being alone the rest of whatever life I have left. Yet I know I'm NOT alone, Christ is with me but I just can not shake this feeling.

 

[Robs07M6S]

Im so sorry to hear of your loss, as a husband I can certainly emphasize with how this must feel. I wish I could say something more to help you but please do know that you will be in my prayers.

 

[ChristianT]

My condolences.

'He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted (be spoken very highly of) among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."' - Proverbs 46:10 NIV

Just continue to have faith in the Lord and He will take care of you. I truly don't know what more to say... I will be praying for you though.

 

[Charles Spurgeon]

Perhaps take some vacations to some tropical areas?

 

[omanid]

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.2 Corinthians 12:9

 

[phoenixdem]

I belong to a small and very close Baptist Church here in the Missouri Ozarks and my church family has supported me in this time of need. I have only been a Christian for about 11 years so I'm still learning but a recent event has me scared and afraid even though I' closer to the Lord than I ever have been.

My wife of 40 years passed away on New Years day and I have NEVER been alone before. I know the Lord has a plan for me, but of course, I have no idea what it is. I see His hand even in how my wife died, in that He protected me from her actual death here in our home. She died so quietly that not even our dog was aware it was happening.

I know this was the Lord's hand in this because I'm a retired EMT/FF/LEO and had I been aware what was happening within 15 feet of me I would have rushed to her side and done EVERYTHING I could have, LOST the battle (there was almost nothing that could have been done), and then blamed myself forever for not doing enough. I can see that as plain as day and feel it in my heart.

I KNOW the Lord is with me even right now as I type this, but inside, in my guts, I still feel SO ALONE. My neighbors up the hill (also fellow church members) take me out to coffee every morning except for Sundays when we go to church in the morning. This really helps but its only 1-2 hours out of 18 I'm awake and much of the time, if I'm not doing something, I'm just pacing back and forth in this house.

I have this almost overwhelming fear of being alone the rest of whatever life I have left. Yet I know I'm NOT alone, Christ is with me but I just can not shake this feeling.

Feeling alone after losing your wife is certainly understandable. I'm sure it left a gaping hole in your life. Grief is a normal thing. Don't be dismayed for feeling it. As you said, Christ is there for you. He knows grief and He understands how you feel. When you get ready for Him, He can fill your life with comfort and joy. I remember how I felt after losing my first wife. He came to me and asked me if I wanted Him to take away the grieving. I told Him that I wanted to keep it with me for awhile longer. He respected my feelings and left it that away, but He gradually took it away.

 

[Acosens]

I am very sorry for your loss. I could not even imagine losing my husband. It is very normal what you are feeling and hopefully soon it will become easier to deal with your wife's passing. Just know that she is in heaven now with Jesus looking down on you and feeling no more pain. She is the happiest she has ever been in her life. You will be reunited soon. Just keep these things in your mind each day.