I have such a twisted mind! I want freed!

alan650 · Nov 28, 2006

I have been in the process of dedicating my life to Christ for the past 3 months or so. However, the main thing that keeps getting in the way and making me feel condemned at times is the utter disgusting and vile thoughts my mind conjures! I randomly get blasphemous thoughts and twisted imagery out of nowhere. I sometimes yell out loud when I get these thoughts, scared at their source.

Mainly these thoughts are of sexual nature and can happen randomly. I pray for them to go away and for God's strength. I have blaspehmous thoughts when I wake in the morning. Sometimes I have trouble discerning if these thoughts are from Satan or myself. It really frightens me.

Today I was reading about a reprobate mind and wondered if I had it. I have been trying so hard to be a Christian and sometimes wonder if God has been with me at all or if I convinced myself of it. I just want God's love and help through all this. I spend alot of time studying this forum, the Bible, and listening to praise music. I also go to Bible study and a religious meeting here at college. My mind is always occupied with various thoughts of God but is equally mixed with pure twisted evil that makes me cringe at myself.

Not to mention, making matters worse, I've given into temptation about 5 times concerning sexual activity. It's really getting me down and I keep trying to get back up and focus on God. I don't want to fail anymore! The pure emptiness I feel when I sin like this is so horrible and devastating. However, I feel like I'm lying when I repent because I always mess up and have sex again.

I need help. I need prayers. I need comforted. I want to be loved by God. I want to follow him. I'm just trapped with an awful mind and a self control that is so weak. Does anybody have any advice? Has anyone gone through a similar thing?

Daughter of His · Nov 28, 2006

Lots of people, myself included, understand your struggle first hand. I can say that every single time this happens counter it with prayer and releasing blessings over your life. If you are alone I'd reccomend praying outloud.

Keep repenting when you do sin as we all need to and ask for strength from God in your new resolve. God is able.

If Not For Grace · Nov 28, 2006

We all have to Detox from our past. (Crucify the flesh is some of the religious jargon). This takes time and GETS EASIER as we go.

Lucky for you you are young and will not have to break habits you do not yet have. Try and concentrate on the positive--like how special "love" will be when you find your soul-mate, how much the two of you will share.

We live in this world but are not OF this world. It does not do well to keep the same playmates or frequent the same hangouts we did before we were saved. I know it sounds trite, but concentrate on Education, Career and give yourself some time to grow. The SEED has only been planted, it takes time to reap your harvest.

You'll be ok--Prayers. D

PS Forgiveness like charity--begins at home. Don't be so hard on yourself for being human, just take the time and grow.

rocklife · Nov 28, 2006

I like to keep in bible, like bible walkmen tapes, and bible reading, and bible on dvd movies even.

I used to have lot of hateful revenge thoughts, God has helped renew my mind. I especially encourage New Testament tapes.

Sennaria · Nov 28, 2006

alan650 said:
I have been in the process of dedicating my life to Christ for the past 3 months or so. However, the main thing that keeps getting in the way and making me feel condemned at times is the utter disgusting and vile thoughts my mind conjures! I randomly get blasphemous thoughts and twisted imagery out of nowhere. I sometimes yell out loud when I get these thoughts, scared at their source.

Mainly these thoughts are of sexual nature and can happen randomly. I pray for them to go away and for God's strength. I have blaspehmous thoughts when I wake in the morning. Sometimes I have trouble discerning if these thoughts are from Satan or myself. It really frightens me.

Today I was reading about a reprobate mind and wondered if I had it. I have been trying so hard to be a Christian and sometimes wonder if God has been with me at all or if I convinced myself of it. I just want God's love and help through all this. I spend alot of time studying this forum, the Bible, and listening to praise music. I also go to Bible study and a religious meeting here at college. My mind is always occupied with various thoughts of God but is equally mixed with pure twisted evil that makes me cringe at myself.

Not to mention, making matters worse, I've given into temptation about 5 times concerning sexual activity. It's really getting me down and I keep trying to get back up and focus on God. I don't want to fail anymore! The pure emptiness I feel when I sin like this is so horrible and devastating. However, I feel like I'm lying when I repent because I always mess up and have sex again.

I need help. I need prayers. I need comforted. I want to be loved by God. I want to follow him. I'm just trapped with an awful mind and a self control that is so weak. Does anybody have any advice? Has anyone gone through a similar thing?

Alan,
You said a couple of things I wanted to address, I hope you don't mind. And the first thing is your first statement. "I have been in the process of dedicating my life to Christ for the past 3 months or so."
The good news is, that dedicating your life to Christ is NOT a process. It is something that is done in minutes, seconds. Our growth in Christ is then forever, as we are never perfect in His eyes, but are a continual work in progress.
"I sometimes yell out loud when I get these thoughts, scared at their source. " If you want to yell, do it, the source is our enemy.....Tell Satan "Get behind me Satan, I am a child of God and you have NO control over me, I am covered by the beautiful blood of my Lord and Savior Jesus". Praise Jesus, the enemy hates that!!!

I want to ask you if you have ever asked Jesus Christ into your heart or are you trying to dedicate your life to Him under your own power? Have you from your heart prayed the sinner's prayer? This is your first and most powerful step to a true dedicated life in Christ.

[FONT=Arial, Verdana, Helvetica]Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

If you pray that, (and you can repeat it if you feel led to) you are starting your life anew in Christ, make a public confession also of this by getting baptised. Then every promise and shield and thing Jesus taught and teaches us daily is yours. You just have to grasp that fact.
You are covered by His blood, the enemy cannot control you, so don't even crack the door open to him. You are a child of God's and every inheritance is yours that comes with that fact.

Heavenly Father,
I pray that You place a hedge of protection around Alan at this time while he is reaching out to You. We already know that You are reaching down to him, and Praise God, Alan is reaching up. I can see you both, arms coming down, his arms reaching up and you wrap him in the protective fold and shelter of Yourself. Give him strength Lord, show him Your good and pure love. Help Him Jesus, to know and understand you. He has been led by his Shepherd to the point of repentance, now show him that with Your rod and Your staff, You are there daily to help him live his life in a way that is honorable to You. Thank You Lord Jesus, for being our "I AM".

In Jesus Name
Amen

Find good praise scripture, worship scripture.....memorize them, when you find your mind straying in ways you don't want it to, focus on the scriptures, even one to start is a good place to start. If you force your mind to focus on the scripture, the straying will start to cease...and you will find yourself, focusing more on God than on these thoughts that bother you so. I promise and so does God. Start with Psalm 23, its not too long and is a beautiful and wonderful scripture. Memorize it, get it into your heart and use it to battle your mind problems. Then through prayer ask God to show you what other scriptures would help you, He will lead and guide you.
Psa 23:1 A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
Psa 23:2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
Psa 23:3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Psa 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Psa 23:5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Psa 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

I hope this helps somewhat. And remember, we will never be perfect, only One was perfect...our Lord and Savior, but if we give it our best, He will be happy with us.

Sennaria
[/FONT]

Krysstian · Nov 28, 2006

alan650 said:
I have been in the process of dedicating my life to Christ for the past 3 months or so. However, the main thing that keeps getting in the way and making me feel condemned at times is the utter disgusting and vile thoughts my mind conjures! I randomly get blasphemous thoughts and twisted imagery out of nowhere. I sometimes yell out loud when I get these thoughts, scared at their source.

Mainly these thoughts are of sexual nature and can happen randomly. I pray for them to go away and for God's strength. I have blaspehmous thoughts when I wake in the morning. Sometimes I have trouble discerning if these thoughts are from Satan or myself. It really frightens me.

Today I was reading about a reprobate mind and wondered if I had it. I have been trying so hard to be a Christian and sometimes wonder if God has been with me at all or if I convinced myself of it. I just want God's love and help through all this. I spend alot of time studying this forum, the Bible, and listening to praise music. I also go to Bible study and a religious meeting here at college. My mind is always occupied with various thoughts of God but is equally mixed with pure twisted evil that makes me cringe at myself.

Not to mention, making matters worse, I've given into temptation about 5 times concerning sexual activity. It's really getting me down and I keep trying to get back up and focus on God. I don't want to fail anymore! The pure emptiness I feel when I sin like this is so horrible and devastating. However, I feel like I'm lying when I repent because I always mess up and have sex again.

I need help. I need prayers. I need comforted. I want to be loved by God. I want to follow him. I'm just trapped with an awful mind and a self control that is so weak. Does anybody have any advice? Has anyone gone through a similar thing?

***I have been in the process of dedicating my life to Christ for the past 3 months or so. However, the main thing that keeps getting in the way and making me feel condemned at times is the utter disgusting and vile thoughts my mind conjures! I randomly get blasphemous thoughts and twisted imagery out of nowhere. I sometimes yell out loud when I get these thoughts, scared at their source.

Mainly these thoughts are of sexual nature and can happen randomly. I pray for them to go away and for God's strength. I have blaspehmous thoughts when I wake in the morning. Sometimes I have trouble discerning if these thoughts are from Satan or myself. It really frightens me. ***

That is the only way the enemy can get to us, through our minds. We have to let him in so that he can do whatever he please. Ignore him and Im telling you it takes a very powerful person to control his mind.
Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
I went through the same thing when I first gave my life to Christ. I thought I would have to go to a mental institution because of the putrid thoughts I would have. Its only one time in my life when my thoughts were under control. What I did is watch what I listen to, saw, and what I was around. I didnt give my mind the opportunity to think about negative things. It was hard but I was peaceful.
Isaiah 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Keep your mind on Christ and His word those thoughts will go away but the bad news is they are going to try to come back
Oooo an excellent book that talks about THIS and is amazingDealing with the Devil by C.S. Lovett. Those thoughts are not yoursso dont condemn yourself. You know you wouldnt think those thoughts.

***Today I was reading about a reprobate mind and wondered if I had it. I have been trying so hard to be a Christian and sometimes wonder if God has been with me at all or if I convinced myself of it. I just want God's love and help through all this. I spend alot of time studying this forum, the Bible, and listening to praise music. I also go to Bible study and a religious meeting here at college. My mind is always occupied with various thoughts of God but is equally mixed with pure twisted evil that makes me cringe at myself. *****

That is Satan, you know yourself better than that. Just the other day I was with my nephew and niece. I was playing with them and Satan had put this most disgusting thought in my head and tried to get me to act on it. Satan wanted me to molest my own blood my angels.and I rebuke that thought and I praised God that Satan had no control over me.

My angels

***Not to mention, making matters worse, I've given into temptation about 5 times concerning sexual activity. It's really getting me down and I keep trying to get back up and focus on God. I don't want to fail anymore! The pure emptiness I feel when I sin like this is so horrible and devastating. However, I feel like I'm lying when I repent because I always mess up and have sex again. ****

Stop STRESSING YOURSELF OUT! You are doing fine. Just keep reading the word of God and God will change your heart, God will change you and sex wouldnt even pass your mind. I had a lot of sex. I was a serious promiscuous person. I thought sex was my life and I felt I couldnt live without it. Now look at me celibate for three years. Im 21 and I was rape at 19 but I do not count that.

***I need help. I need prayers. I need comforted. I want to be loved by God. I want to follow him. I'm just trapped with an awful mind and a self control that is so weak. Does anybody have any advice? Has anyone gone through a similar thing?****

Trust yourself in Christ, Trust you heart, and believe that you can do all things through Christ. You are doing fine do not let Satan put fear upon you. God is smiling down on you because He know your heart and He know you want to do right. God will continue to work on you and perfect you so just rest in the Lord. Focus on your relationship with Christ and remember Satan is a hater!

I wouldnt even conceive that thoughtmy angels are my love and it hurts me that Satan can be even allowed to put disgusting thoughts like that in our minds

wonderwaleye · Nov 28, 2006

Dear Alan650

GOD'S WORD is quite clear on what attack satan will attempt to make once he is moved out and the house cleaned.

Prepare yourself for a fight. It will be well worth it!!! What does he have to offer except strife???

Now you have well come into the mating season and you will experience uncontrollable forces drawing you to mate. GOD made us that way so that we procreate. These forces are not to be confused with satan.

Now it's up to us to control our actions over these forces but know that it will be a constant tug of war till you marry and become ONE with your mate.

GOD'S WORD says:

" BEAR FOR A WHILE AND BLESSED SHALL BE YOUR LATTER END "

I found this to be so true!!!

IT REALLY HELPS TO REMEMBER:

X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O
( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

alan650 · Nov 28, 2006

You are a blessing to have. It's wonderful to hear your advice.

Yes, I have prayed many similar prayers to Jesus about my sins. I have done many things. I just need to "keep on keeping on". It's all that I can do.

I think I tend to rely on my own strength too much and that is probably a big problem with me giving in and having sex so much. I feel like a spell has been put over me when I'm in those situations. I should make no more excuses for that and flee from situations where that will arise.

I feel alot better now. I tend to be a selfish person though I know there is no way I'm the only one going through all this. After all, the Bible says to remember that every believer is going through similar things.

I appreciate all your prayers and wish the best for all your lives too. I have found my purpose and no matter how many times I feel I've failed God in my journey I will dust myself off and try again! I have to keep my eyes on the prize! Thank God and Jesus for the healing of my sins!!!!!

Ceridwen · Nov 28, 2006

Alan,

What you are describing sounds very much like an anxiety disorder called obsessive compulsive disorder, OCD. OCD often manifests itself in the form of recurring unwanted religious or sexual thoughts like "Sex with the Virgin Mary," or "Screw Jesus," etc. etc. Researches find that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is more common amongst people who are highly religious than it is in the general population.

Obsessions are defined by:

Recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress.
The thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems.
The person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action.

I would visit a psychiatrist to discuss your anxieties. Your intrusive thoughts can be managed with cognitive behavioral therapy and with a serotonin drug like Paxil. Some people who believe in a very dangerous or superstitious form of Christianity find that it is a relief to them to stop believing the things they used to believe.

Elijah2 · Nov 29, 2006

Ceridwen, it may be OCD but have you ever thought that it might something else?

Love in Christ

bigdAddyweAve423 · Nov 29, 2006

Alan,

May God Bless you & Keep you near Him!!!!

I know all too well what you are going through. I personally have stuggled with an addiction to pornography for the last 15 years. I recently have been from from that addiction for the last going on 6 months & surrendered my life to Christ. All Praise & Glory to the Him who has set me free.....Jesus!!!!!

I noticed that after turning my life over & getting rid of this addiction, satan's attacks got stronger. I started to worse thoughts than what I was having, see one of previous posters was right on....satans only access point into our lives in through our thought life (our minds).

Keep renewing you mind with the Word of God (Romans 12:2), cause He will be faithful to complete the work He has started in you (Philippians 1:6). Feel free if you need to talk, PM me or Email me.

"Lord, I pray for our brother here, that you would continue to move in his life, bringing him closer & closer to you everyday. Give our borther here, Strength, Guidance & Peace that transend all understanding, Guard his mind & heart with your peace (Philippians 4:6-7) & with the power of your Holy Spirit. I pray that you would Bless our brother here today!!!! In Jesus name, Amen!!!

alan650 · Nov 29, 2006

Alan,

What you are describing sounds very much like an anxiety disorder called obsessive compulsive disorder, OCD. OCD often manifests itself in the form of recurring unwanted religious or sexual thoughts like "Sex with the Virgin Mary," or "Screw Jesus," etc. etc. Researches find that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is more common amongst people who are highly religious than it is in the general population.

Obsessions are defined by:

Recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress.

The thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems.

The person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action.

I would visit a psychiatrist to discuss your anxieties. Your intrusive thoughts can be managed with cognitive behavioral therapy and with a serotonin drug like Paxil. Some people who believe in a very dangerous or superstitious form of Christianity find that it is a relief to them to stop believing the things they used to believe.

You know what? I've actually considered this time and time again. I often "repeat" the same words inside of my head time and time again without rhyme or reason. It's odd and I definitely get obsessed with things in my life. At every point in my life there is at least one thing that I obsess over.

These blasphemous thoughts are most worse when lying in bed either at night or waking and getting ready in the morning. It's terrible to actually think of such vile and slanderous thoughts about God. It makes me sick sometimes. I really want to escape them. It's so tiring. This summer, in May, was the worst period for it. It seems as though they were increased tenfold and I was almost battling with these repetitive curses towards God almost every waking moment. It's like my mind is a spiritual battlefield and it's very unsettling to say the least.

I need to learn to get my strength from God more, instead of using my own personal strength and willpower. I can't afford to keep failing and sinning.

Thanks for everyone's concern! You guys are wonderful.

Alan

Breckmin · Oct 4, 2008

How did things turn out for Alan? Was he able to get deliverance from these thoughts?

I don't know if I am allowed to say this, theologically here, but some Christians do believe that Scrupulosity is not just OCD, but it is also "demonic" OCD.

The good news is you can get delivered and not have to struggle with these thoughts ever again! Or even think twice about them.

In His Great Love and Forgiveness for us,
Michael

I have such a twisted mind! I want freed!

Junior Member

Believing God

Legend-but then so's Keith Richards

Senior Veteran

Veteran

Veteran

Well-Known Member

Junior Member

Ceridwen

Guest

No weapons formed against me will prosper.

Senior Member

Junior Member

Junior Member

Similar threads

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency