I have so many questions...

paintedgoldfish said:

Thank you Harmony. I have been diagnosed Bipolar for 20 years and I do see my Doctor and Therapist. I am also medication compliant. But this depression has lingered and gotten worse. I have not been under control for a couple of years.
I am tiered and I dont hardly have any more strength. Why God has created this tourmoil in my brain I can't understand. I don't have anything more to give Him then what I am already giving. My faith is thin at best, but I am trying to focus on God the best way I know how. I just feel so hurt that God would allow all this pain I have felt for my entire life. I feel him pulling me forward and all I want to do is run away. It is very hard to trust Him, I have been hurt too many times.

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Friend, please do not blame God. This world is condemned since it fell in sin from the beginning of creation, so there are no perfect bodies. God did not create turmoil in your brain, but you have an abnormal physiological condition as the result of birth in this world. The BP condition is hereditary, so you will find it in some various degree in a parent or grandparent. Stay on your meds, friend, for I know that is the only way to maintain a healthy balance. I am a retired mental health counselor and know this condition.

You speak of trusting God and that is good, but know also that one cannot truly know God apart from His beloved Son --the Lord Jesus Christ. When you receive Him into your heart and make Him your best friend, you will be settled, safe, and secure. Read John's Gospel (especially chapter 14) and also the Book of Romans for some fundamentals of the faith. That should help you much. Look up always!

- 1 Watchman

Thank you 1watchman.
I have resolved to give my whole heart to God. In an attemt to come to Him with a new heart and a better attitude I answered the Altar call at church on Sunday. They anointed my head with oil and prayed for me.
I don't know what lies on the path ahead but I want to keep my eyes on Him. I am praying that my doctor will find the right combination of meds to help me stay stable.
I know that God has put 5 specific people in my life that He is using to help guide me and support me while i learn to walk in a new way. I am greatful to God for these amazing people and the Faith that they have that led me to believe again. One man who I met on line not only has great Faith in God but he works at a State Hospital for the Menally ill. I have been given many blessings from God in the people He has placed along my path.
I am ready to listen to Him more closely and to learn to trust.

A willing heart to know and love the Lord is a precious gift indeed, God bless you PGF, I pray the Lord reveals Himself in truth to your heart.

Thank you so much for your encouragement SOS.

paintedgoldfish said:

I was an Athiest for the last 20 years and two weeks ago I became a Christian. Some friends I met on line helped me through a very deep depression and their love for God changed my heart. They have encouraged me to find a church in my area to attend.
I have been looking around and on this forum and I have come to realize that there are as many different beliefs about Christianity as there are Christians. How do you know what denomination, which church, what kind of worship, is right? Or does it matter?

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You will be "called" to the church that is right for you by God. When you find the right one, there will be no question. It will just feel right and you will feel like you are home!

I was an atheist for 26 years, (and was baptized last week), and was scared for a long time to even go INTO a church because the ones I had been in when I was younger had made me feel SO uncomfortable and like an outcast. However, when I found MY church, all of that disappeared. They really made me feel like family and we shared the same beliefs.

paintedgoldfish said:

Thank you Harmony. I have been diagnosed Bipolar for 20 years and I do see my Doctor and Therapist. I am also medication compliant. But this depression has lingered and gotten worse. I have not been under control for a couple of years.
I am tiered and I dont hardly have any more strength. Why God has created this tourmoil in my brain I can't understand. I don't have anything more to give Him then what I am already giving. My faith is thin at best, but I am trying to focus on God the best way I know how. I just feel so hurt that God would allow all this pain I have felt for my entire life. I feel him pulling me forward and all I want to do is run away. It is very hard to trust Him, I have been hurt too many times.

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I have suffered from depression for many years and just recently was diagnosed with anxiety on top of that. This came around the same time that I had my "awakening" and accepted Christ into my heart and life, so I struggled with why God would allow me to feel such pain.

However, I know now that God did NOT create this in me and is indeed helping as he can. I believe that even the bad days are part of his plan for me because perhaps when I do get to a more solid, even state of mind, I can use the memory of the "bad days" I experienced to help His other children get through the same ordeal.

I will be interested in following your progress painted fish. I am a new christian, not gay, but have friends I have known for years who are, and it has been one thing about christianity I have not been able to mentally/logically, be at peace with.

So I dont know what the answer is for you, except as others have said, to just give it to god, and say exactly how you are feeling about it and asking him for help.

I guess I have so far avoided the issue by 'not judging' . And if a gay friend were to straight ask me to comment on this, I dont know what Id say (actually id probably say I dont know what to say lol).

I am still sinning in many ways, and it seems that your situation may be similar to mine in a lot of ways - that you have something which in theory you know is bad, but which has been good to you, and which you do not feel able to give up. Yet at the same time, you know god is real and have felt his presence in your life, so you also know that you are saved and that god is real... so are like ...ok what..what do I do???

Good luck and I hope you will post on here updates in your journey

Here is a great site for sexual brokenness for anyone it would benefit:

Porn Addiction | Sexual Addiction - Mastering Life Ministries