I hate my husband

[LaSorcia]

.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Oh I am so sorry to see it is you who has started this thread LaSorcia.
Sounds like you need to have a Plan B and get out of there asap.
Prayers? Absolutely!

 

[CrystalDragon]

You need more than prayers alone, you need to get out of that situation and divorce him.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

you were a counsellor La sorcia? Put yourself in the empty chair and give yourself some strong advice! Go!

 

[singpraise]

I'm so, so sorry to hear this. Living in an abusive relationship is like living in hell. Please get help and counseling for yourself, even if your husband won't go with you. See the Cycle of Abuse for more information. My prayers are with you. You don't deserve to be abused!

 

[LaSorcia]

Thanks everyone. I am getting help on a weekly basis. It helps me, but not him. He finally went to see a therapist but quit after 3 sessions for some unknown reason.

I know I don't deserve it, no one does. I just get so angry and feel so alone sometimes. It wasn't always this way, only in the past few years.

It just feels SOOOO unfair that I need to think about what to do and have MY life possibly rearranged because of HIS behaviour. That makes me indignant. Everyone asks me what I'm going to do (except my sweet therapist), and no one seems to realize that HE needs to start acting like a man and deal with his issues in another manner besides screaming at his family and blaming them for his actions.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Thanks everyone. I am getting help on a weekly basis. It helps me, but not him. He finally went to see a therapist but quit after 3 sessions for some unknown reason.

I know I don't deserve it, no one does. I just get so angry and feel so alone sometimes. It wasn't always this way, only in the past few years.

It just feels SOOOO unfair that I need to think about what to do and have MY life possibly rearranged because of HIS behaviour. That makes me indignant. Everyone asks me what I'm going to do (except my sweet therapist), and no one seems to realize that HE needs to start acting like a man and deal with his issues in another manner besides screaming at his family and blaming them for his actions.

LaSorica, does your husband suffer from any kind of emotional disorder? In not, then does your husband have other men with whom he can talk about life and who will offer him some good exchange of ideas (such as how to deal constructively with his anger or with disappointments he's experienced in his life)?

I'm asking because of two things: 1) if he has no other men in his life he trusts to interact with, then he won't have anyone with whom to reflect about the imperfection of his life, and he may feel alone and unable to "solve" his problems or manage his emotions, or 2) if the men he fellowships with in his life are "schmucks" who have rude and crude ideas about life, then they may unfortunately impart to him a "rough and tumble" sense of how to deal with life, which ends up being bad for him, and for you and the kids.

I'm just wondering about him in relation to any problems he could have which may contribute to his mistreatment of you and your children.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this, LaSorcia. If you don't think he will mend at some point, then you may have to at least separate from him until he can decide to work on his personal problems. Separation is preferable to divorce, and I never advocate divorce. But only you can decide what you think is best for the long term welfare of you and your children.

Peace,
2PhiloVoid

 

[St_Worm2]

Hi LaSorcia, is your husband a Christian? If so, do you think he would listen to your pastor?

Praying for you, your kids .. and your husband. I also agree with 2PV's suggestion that your husband may have an emotional/personality disorder of some kind or another (and with his advice concerning the possible necessity of a separation).

God bless you! (Numbers 6:24-26; Isaiah 41:10)

--David

 

[Jane_Doe]

Thanks everyone. I am getting help on a weekly basis. It helps me, but not him. He finally went to see a therapist but quit after 3 sessions for some unknown reason.

I know I don't deserve it, no one does. I just get so angry and feel so alone sometimes. It wasn't always this way, only in the past few years.

It just feels SOOOO unfair that I need to think about what to do and have MY life possibly rearranged because of HIS behaviour. That makes me indignant. Everyone asks me what I'm going to do (except my sweet therapist), and no one seems to realize that HE needs to start acting like a man and deal with his issues in another manner besides screaming at his family and blaming them for his actions.

Even if he's the one out of line, if he refuses to change eventually you'll have to take some form of action.

 

[LaSorcia]

LaSorica, does your husband suffer from any kind of emotional disorder? In not, then does your husband have other men with whom he can talk about life and who will offer him some good exchange of ideas (such as how to deal constructively with his anger or with disappointments he's experienced in his life)?

I'm asking because of two things: 1) if he has no other men in his life he trusts to interact with, then he won't have anyone with whom to reflect about the imperfection of his life, and he may feel alone and unable to "solve" his problems or manage his emotions, or 2) if the men he fellowships with in his life are "schmucks" who have rude and crude ideas about life, then they may unfortunately impart to him a "rough and tumble" sense of how to deal with life, which ends up being bad for him, and for you and the kids.

I'm just wondering about him in relation to any problems he could have which may contribute to his mistreatment of you and your children.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this, LaSorcia. If you don't think he will mend at some point, then you may have to at least separate from him until he can decide to work on his personal problems. Separation is preferable to divorce, and I never advocate divorce. But only you can decide what you think is best for the long term welfare of you and your children.

Peace,
2PhiloVoid

Good question, and no he doesn't. His father died this year, which left him with many unresolved issues. He doesn't hang out with anyone, good or bad. His therapist recommended he see a psychiatrist for an eval, but he doesn't want to go. I think he does have a DSM disorder, but I'm too close to the situation to make recommendations when things are in chaos like this.

We've been married nearly 20 years, and if he'd been like this at the beginning, I never would have married him. With the first child, I just thought he had poor communication skills and unresolved family issues, but after all this time, he really needs to do something about them. I've encouraged, modeled, tried to make growth easy and seem attainable, but you can't make someone else change.

The past 2 years have been horrible, nothing like ever before. I kept trying to forgive and forget, while stating what my boundaries are, but any attempt to discuss his behaviours is met with screaming at me and blaming me for them (or the kids). I am beginning to wonder if it will change or not.

I feel sorry for him, but I feel sorrier for myself at the moment.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

His behaviour may change with a real ultimatum. Or if he still doesn't care, you know to leave is the right decision.

 

[LaSorcia]

Hi LaSorcia, is your husband a Christian? If so, do you think he would listen to your pastor?

Praying for you, your kids .. and your husband. I also agree with 2PV's suggestion that your husband may have an emotional/personality disorder of some kind or another (and with his advice concerning the possible necessity of a separation).

God bless you! (Numbers 6:24-26; Isaiah 41:10)

--David

He is saved, but he seems to have lost his enthusiasm and initiative for his spiritual life. We pray and read the bible every night as a family, but lately, it's been only me praying.

We don't really have a pastor we can talk to at the moment. Our Sunday church is sadly becoming a social church. Our other church is where I'm getting counseling, so there would be a conflict of interest.

I hate to even think of a separation; it breaks my heart. I really don't want things to be this way. I want him to change, but I know that is going to require a lot of work on his part, and for me, I don't feel emotionally safe with him and haven't for ages.

 

[LaSorcia]

Even if he's the one out of line, if he refuses to change eventually you'll have to take some form of action.

I know, that's true. But it makes me upset that when I try to talk to anyone, no one says that he needs to change, what's he going to do.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

We pray and read the bible every night as a family,

wow.... and still there is dischord.

 

[LaSorcia]

His behaviour may change with a real ultimatum. Or if he still doesn't care, you know to leave is the right decision.

If I decided to do that, I need to take steps and make a plan to take care of me and the kids first.

 

[LaSorcia]

wow.... and still there is dischord.

Well, for me, not reading the bible and praying would be like not eating or taking care of myself. You can lead a horse to water...

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

If I decided to do that, I need to take steps and make a plan to take care of me and the kids first.

Economic reasons people stay together , even still these days.

 

[LaSorcia]

You know what, just knowing that someone hears and cares and believes me is comforting and strengthening. So, I REALLY appreciate everyone's responses here. I've felt so alone. It took me a while to realize it was abuse! I just thought it was poor communications skills! Please pray for wisdom and peace for me, that his eyes will be opened, and that we find the resources we need.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Good question, and no he doesn't. His father died this year, which left him with many unresolved issues. He doesn't hang out with anyone, good or bad. His therapist recommended he see a psychiatrist for an eval, but he doesn't want to go. I think he does have a DSM disorder, but I'm too close to the situation to make recommendations when things are in chaos like this.

We've been married nearly 20 years, and if he'd been like this at the beginning, I never would have married him. With the first child, I just thought he had poor communication skills and unresolved family issues, but after all this time, he really needs to do something about them. I've encouraged, modeled, tried to make growth easy and seem attainable, but you can't make someone else change.

The past 2 years have been horrible, nothing like ever before. I kept trying to forgive and forget, while stating what my boundaries are, but any attempt to discuss his behaviours is met with screaming at me and blaming me for them (or the kids). I am beginning to wonder if it will change or not.

I feel sorry for him, but I feel sorrier for myself at the moment.

Well, I understand you're "in a pickle." But you do what you feel you need to do for the safety and sanity of you and your children. And if your husband can be gently nudged along the way to better address his personal issues, so much the better.

I'll say some prayers on your behalf.

Peace,
2PhiloVoid

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Glad you could open up about this La Scorcia. Instead of trying to be the strong one all the time. It's your turn to seek help!