I guess this is a goodbye

MadFingerPainter · Jul 28, 2006

That's one of the reasons I'm single. It is extremely difficult in this day and age to find a person that isn't just after one thing. There is so much more to offer than just what goes on in the bedroom. But so many people don't understand that. But I hate to see someone turn their back on God because they don't think he's doing enough for them. That just seems so wrong to me. There has to be another way around this.

Beauty4Ashes · Jul 28, 2006

I've seen many guys walk away from their faith because of this same reason.

I'm sorry but it breaks my heart every time I witness it....has happened to a couple of my good friends. They don't say that is the solitary reason but I know them and I know that was a big part of it for them.

Please don't give up so easily on God, on your faith. Like others have said so eloquantly, there is so much more to being a follower of Jesus than just getting what we want all the time. Being a Christian isn't easy. I've been through tough times but walking away from God simply isn't an option for me. Being in a relationship with God is like being in a marriage, it's a lifelong committment, eternal in fact. It's a covenant. As in marriage, we promise to love the person in richer or poorer, for good times and bad. Just because you may feel in a poorer time or a bad time, that's no reason to turn your back on the lover of your soul. Love is a choice. It's a choice I hope you make, as many times as you need to. God does love you and does have your best interests at heart. It's just not easy to see often what he's doing or why because we have such limited perspectives.

Please don't walk away from the greatest thing ever. Just because you don't have the "romantic" love of a girl in your life at present doesnt mean you don't have LOVE in your life. God IS love. And love is so much more than human male/female relationships. You need to dig deeper. Don't just expect love but "BE love."

I'm sorry you are struggling I hope you stay around and talk more with us because I have found you a huge asset to the CF community.

In Him,
B4A

Alenci · Jul 28, 2006

Psalm 27:14

Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

I agree with pretty much everything Beauty4Ashes just said. I also agree with maycontainnuts - a spouse is not a magical panacea that will make the rest of your life blissful. Look how many people are miserable in their marriages! This is why it is so crucial to turn your life over to God, to put it in His hands. Not only the decision to marry and whom, but every decision. That is the only thing that can give you real, lasting peace and contentment.

Smokkie22 · Jul 28, 2006

Guys I think the problem is that Alexander's crumbling faith is the result of his confusion. It is evident that he really wants to love another human being in a romantic sense, but he seems to be having trouble finding a girl to love.

I don't know what Alex went through to make him come to this site, but it seems at first he was trying to look for some hope. However this is what he gets.

First he gets a "God may not have created some mystical "soulmate" for you, but if you submit your will to His He WILL guide you to a good spouse"

Then he gets this

"God doesn't have someone for each and every person. Not everyone is meant to be coupled off. Some people are meant to remain single."

You see how that's confusing for poor Alex he doesn't know what to believe. That confusion is probably the reason why he "couldn't find peace with the church", we've been giving advices that not helping him
And I think the second one struck fear into his heart, knowing that God may not help him with his trouble.

And let's be realistic, is Alex really going to wake up one morning and all of a sudden decide to go back to God straightaway?

Princess Pea · Jul 28, 2006

Smokkie22 said:
Guys I think the problem is that Alexander's crumbling faith is the result of his confusion. It is evident that he really wants to love another human being in a romantic sense, but he seems to be having trouble finding a girl to love.

I don't know what Alex went through to make him come to this site, but it seems at first he was trying to look for some hope.

I think you're right about Alexander - but what do you think he should have been told? "Don't worry - God has someone for you." Or even "God won't make anyone stay single if they really want to be married." That's probably what he wanted to hear - it's what lots of people want to hear, but that doesn't make it true. I just want to scream every time someone says it is, because even though they're just trying to be nice and comforting and hopeful, what they're really doing is encouraging people to take comfort in a lie!

And the danger in believing the lie is that eventually, just like believing in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, the lie will be exposed and you'll have to stop believing it. And if your main reason for trusting God is that you trust him to bring you a spouse, and your main reason for contentment is that you believe that there's definitely someone out there for you ... well, the first post in this thread is an example of what happens when the truth comes out. Alexander's not the first to build his house upon the sandy foundation of "God has someone for me" and then have that foundation wash out. He won't be the last, either. But that doesn't mean there's not a much better, more solid foundation out there. Hopefully he'll build on that next time.

To anyone who's looking for reassurance that God has someone for them - I can't give you that reassurance. But I can promise you something much bigger and better: that God loves you, will never forsake you, will be with you throughout all the uncertainty and changes in your life, cares about your tears, and will one day wash them all away. Base your trust in God on those things, not on anything that can be lost or taken away!

As to coming back overnight - maybe, maybe not. This has been a long time in coming for him, I think, and it may be a long road back. I don't know if he's reading this any more; if so, I hope our words are at least providing some food for the journey.

Echoespeak006 · Jul 28, 2006

Princess Pea said:
I think you're right about Alexander - but what do you think he should have been told? "Don't worry - God has someone for you." Or even "God won't make anyone stay single if they really want to be married." That's probably what he wanted to hear - it's what lots of people want to hear, but that doesn't make it true. I just want to scream every time someone says it is, because even though they're just trying to be nice and comforting and hopeful, what they're really doing is encouraging people to take comfort in a lie!

And the danger in believing the lie is that eventually, just like believing in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, the lie will be exposed and you'll have to stop believing it. And if your main reason for trusting God is that you trust him to bring you a spouse, and your main reason for contentment is that you believe that there's definitely someone out there for you ... well, the first post in this thread is an example of what happens when the truth comes out. Alexander's not the first to build his house upon the sandy foundation of "God has someone for me" and then have that foundation wash out. He won't be the last, either. But that doesn't mean there's not a much better, more solid foundation out there. Hopefully he'll build on that next time.

To anyone who's looking for reassurance that God has someone for them - I can't give you that reassurance. But I can promise you something much bigger and better: that God loves you, will never forsake you, will be with you throughout all the uncertainty and changes in your life, cares about your tears, and will one day wash them all away. Base your trust in God on those things, not on anything that can be lost or taken away!

As to coming back overnight - maybe, maybe not. This has been a long time in coming for him, I think, and it may be a long road back. I don't know if he's reading this any more; if so, I hope our words are at least providing some food for the journey.

^^^^ What she said.

Alenci · Jul 28, 2006

Princess Pea said:
But I can promise you something much bigger and better: that God loves you, will never forsake you, will be with you throughout all the uncertainty and changes in your life, cares about your tears, and will one day wash them all away. Base your trust in God on those things, not on anything that can be lost or taken away!

Amen.

keyz · Jul 28, 2006

Read your Bible instead of Christian Forums. You've taken words spoken by MAN and established them as authority in your life without testing it up with what God says about you. That's a big problem.

TriptychR · Jul 28, 2006

Alexander, just because there's a possibility that God's plan doesn't involve a spouse doesn't mean that one should give up hope or abandon Him.

First of all, take a look around. There are a lot of people who get married. If you want to play the odds, odds are that God does have someone for you. And since you're only 24 at the moment, there's still plenty of time for it to happen. Of course, giving up pretty much guarantees that you won't be willing to take the opportunity when God presents it to you.

Second, and I know this might sound ridiculous to you at the moment, but you are a dynamic human being. Just like the rest of us, the definitions of your desires and the levels you wish to pursue them will likely change over time. It may very well be that "love" to you will change, but the only thing that does not change is God and his ultimate plans for all of us. That's our foundation. That's the only thing we can assuredly cling to.

findinghope06 · Jul 28, 2006

keyz said:
Read your Bible instead of Christian Forums. You've taken words spoken by MAN and established them as authority in your life without testing it up with what God says about you. That's a big problem.

Amen! Dont rely on what men have to say on the issue. Seek God. Cry out to Him about your frustrations and your hurt. He IS listening. I suggest you read the story about the persistant widow.

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'

"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' " And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?" Luke 18:1-8

Because of her persistance, a judge (not a christian one) gave in to her requests. If a non-Christian judge hears her cries and eventually gives her what she so earnestly asks for, what do you think a God who loves you with all that He is will do for you? Im not saying He is going to magically make it happen because chances are, He wont right away but He WILL HEAR YOU and He will do something about it in His timing. But PLEASE dont let the words of others bring you down or take away the faith that you have. Go to the Word, there is less confusion and its ALL God-inspired.

Smokkie22 · Jul 28, 2006

Um guys I don't think Alex is reading this at all, he hasn't said anyting for a while

Princess Pea · Jul 28, 2006

No, but it's 3 AM in Australia. He's probably sleeping.

So what brought you on to this forum and this particular thread? Do you have a way to help Alexander? And welcome, BTW!

Sketcher · Jul 28, 2006

Alexander, I understand your frustration, and I once felt it. I honestly thought that God had promised to hook me up with a girl I was head-over-heels for. He did not, in fact He told me to give her up. I felt like He was teasing me with her. This wrecked my faith a good deal.

However, God did not sin against me. He didn't sin against you, either. I know you are frustrated, lost, and your hopes are dashed. But God never has sinned against you and He never will. If anyone sinned against you, it is the Christians who sold you a bag of goods, who told you that you would have it easy and that certain comforts are certain. Those who conditioned you to expect such comforts. The fact is, if you're a Christian this is as close to Hell as you're ever going to get, and in 60-70 years it's all over. If you're not a Christian, this is as close to Heaven as you're ever going to get and in 60-70 years, partytime is over.

There is hope for this life. If it involves a woman, good. You'll need God for happiness anyway. If it doesn't, that's fine too because you'll still need God for happiness. If you want the happiness God has to offer, you will need to surrender your will to Him. There is joy and fulfillment when you surrender your will to Him and serve Him wholeheartedly. There may or may not be earthly rewards (a wife, money, etc) but where there is no earthly reward there is a heavenly one, and there is the peace and joy of knowing you have pleased your Master.

Mrs. Luther073082 · Jul 28, 2006

TinkHeartsJesus said:
I was under the impression that God is in control of everything.

That said, if you lose your relationship with God so easily, perhaps you never really had one in the first place.

Just a $.01of my thoughts....

God could be in control of everything, but clearly He for whatever reason chooses not to be. If He was in control of our emotions, wouldn't everyone love God? We have the free will to choose whether or not we accept Christ and believe in the Lord; do you really think we don't have free will to be happy, sad, mad, scared, or any other emotion?

Here is an excerpt from a daily devotion I got from my pastor the other day:

Remember the story of psychologists trying to discover the very root causes of optimism and pessimism? They brought two children and place the first one, an extreme pessimist and put him in a room filled with every imaginable toy and shut the door. The second child, the extreme optimist, they put in a room with the floor covered with horse manure and shut the door. Half an hour later they opened the doors to check on the children. The extremely pessimistic child was sitting in the middle of all the toys crying and when asked, indicated he just couldn't decide which toy to play with first. It was more than he could handle. The second child, the optimist in the room of horse manure, was sitting in the middle of the room smiling and playing and throwing it up in the air. When asked why, he responded, With all this there must be a pony in here somewhere!

All one has to do to be happy is change their perspective. I met someone at church the other day who is paralyzed from the waist down, and to top it off, he had been in another accident so his foot was broken and his arm was injured. It looked like he had been through hell just to get to church. Yet he had the biggest smile on his face and was one of the more pleasant people I've ever met. He could easily have been bitter and angry towards God and given up on his faith but he didn't.

A pastor once said that "Suffering is inevitable; misery is an option". Believe it or not, it is easy to be miserable. What is a lot harder is to decide you're going to smile and keep going.

I've been the person who stayed miserable and at one time even got angry with God and stopped praying for a few years. All that did was make everything so much worse. I'm not trying to sound like a butthead in my replies to this thread. I'm trying to tell someone what it took me a really long time to figure out; maybe doing so will spare them having to go through all the years of misery I went through.

Eventually I became the kind of person who decides to keep smiling and keep trying even when things get rough. It isn't always easy but it is a lot more rewarding than being angry and giving up.

Being happy is a choice and it takes effort. God doesn't just sprinkle us with happy dust.

I really think this is an important thing to realize because it can be applied to relationships, too. You can't expect another person to make you happy or to keep you happy. There are going to be rough times and you're both going to have to really work to keep the relationship.

MadFingerPainter · Jul 28, 2006

There are times in life when God says no:

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, "No.
It is not for me to take away, but for
you to give it up."
I asked God to make my handicapped child
whole.
God said, "No. His spirit is whole, his
body is only temporary."
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, "No. Patience is a byproduct
of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned."
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, "No.I give you blessings;
happiness is up to you."
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, "No. Suffering draws you apart
from worldly cares and brings you closer to me."
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, "No. You must grow on your own
but I will prune you to make you fruitful."
I asked God for all things that I might
enjoy life.
God said, "No. I will give you life, so
that you may enjoy all things."
I asked God to help me LOVE others, as
much as He loves me.
God said, "Ahhhh, finally you have the
idea."

TravellingGrace · Jul 28, 2006

thanks for posting that MFP

OhhJim · Jul 28, 2006

Alexander, my heart goes out to you, because I've been in a similar place. It sounds like you'd be happier with God if He had allowed you to be brutalized and tortured, then killed at age 16, as some Christians have been. At least you wouldn't have to live for some 50 years without a wife.

Take it from someone who's been there, there are worse things than being single.

~Beauty_from_Pain~ · Jul 28, 2006

Alexander1982 said:
This is the last thread I will post on this forum as I made the decision to renounce my Christian faith once and for all.

The reason why I am leaving this site and my religion is because I couldn't find happiness nor the peace I was looking for, and ultimately I no longer trust love and in turn, I no longer trust God.

I wanted to find some hope on this site, hope that I won't go through life without knowing love, but all I get is

and this

and also this

This drove me deeper into despair, it divided me further away from God and now I reached the point where I can't take it anymore.

The only way I can be free from this worry is to give up on love and as a result I abandon God. So yeah it has been nice sharing our thoughts with you guys, some good some bad, I hope things would turn out ok with you guys,

I'm sorry God but I don't feel any happiness from you

Sorry that you feel this way. We each have our own opinions on things that we are not sure on.

For example, we don't really know if God will or will not give us a spouce if that is what we desire. There are many things to this that must be considered. Firstly, it may not be God's timing. We hear that if God puts the desire in us to get married that yes, we will. Yet, perhaps we don't know this for sure and the answer is no, this is not true.

In things like these we each give our own opinions. Each of us must learn to trust God and to seek Him out. We can only get so many answers from others. The rest we must find in God and in Him alone.

findinghope06 · Jul 28, 2006

twistedsketch said:
However, God did not sin against me. He didn't sin against you, either. I know you are frustrated, lost, and your hopes are dashed. But God never has sinned against you and He never will. If anyone sinned against you, it is the Christians who sold you a bag of goods, who told you that you would have it easy and that certain comforts are certain. Those who conditioned you to expect such comforts. The fact is, if you're a Christian this is as close to Hell as you're ever going to get, and in 60-70 years it's all over. If you're not a Christian, this is as close to Heaven as you're ever going to get and in 60-70 years, partytime is over.

that was really well put!

Deliberatetourist · Jul 28, 2006

This whole thread is very sad indeed. You people are treating Alexander as if he were throwing a tantrum and vieing for everyone's attention. He's gone folks and now this very serious thread has turned into a medley of bickering and accusatory comments directed at the OP. Thank heavens Alexander isn't around to read these things becasue it would probably drive him more deepy into despair. I gues it goes to show you that real life and online forums actually have little difference. This is the kind of garbage that I have wittnessed in so many churches over the years. Except in most cases the "Alexanders" didn't leave a farewell comment...they simply just stopped attending. I think we need to take a good hard look at ourselves and re-evealuate our wittness to others.

I guess this is a goodbye

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