I got the dreaded question yesterday...

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

"So, any babies yet?!" I was so ticked off I wanted to scream. I know they have no idea what we are going through but it just made me realize how nosy and curious people are. I'd never dare ask that question to anyone.

Ugh... anyway it really hurt and was yet again another reminder that my arms are empty

 

[FaithLoveHope9]

I am so sorry I am not in exactly the same boat you are, but I still feel very sad when someone asks "So when are you going to have a baby?"

It's also been very hard at work... 2 ladies had babies last month, one is having hers tomorrow, and THREE more are pregnant! I work in a buiding with only 30 people! And the reason that we haven't started actively trying, is because my job is on the line So work hasn't been fun...

SOTFB- I'll be praying for you! Some people just need to think before they speak!

 

[tigercub]

I'm not sure when a woman's fertility became public casual conversation fodder...but I am often tempted to reply with something equally as personal and private such as; "So when are you planning on losing that excess weight?" (to a particularly rotund person) or "How's your sex life?"

I've tried answering honestly...but people's reaction usually consists of "Um...ok" or "All in good time, dear" (or other such patronising comment)

Disclaimer: I am not including fertility discussions that we actually want to have, for example; this forum.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Right I understand.

I actually found a really great article online about Fertility etiquette, I posted it in my blog if you are interested in reading.

 

[FaithLoveHope9]

Right I understand.

I actually found a really great article online about Fertility etiquette, I posted it in my blog if you are interested in reading.

What a great article. It made me teary.

 

[lovesdolphins]

I'll go read your blog here in a minute.

I think I put an article in mine a while back too.


Last night a sweet girl asked me (in a room of about 7 women) when we were going to have a child. I just looked at her and said I don't know - one of these days maybe. I know she didn't mean any harm by it - there were 3 other women in the room with small children, and her & her sister were the only two w/o children and they aren't married.

I hate being around women at church b/c we are basically the only couple at church w/o children. Everyone is always asking us when we plan on having kids. Unfortunately since they are at church it's hard to be blunt/rude with them about what they are asking.

 

[felinity]

I just smile politely and say, "No, not yet," because it's not a conversation I particularly care to have. But I'm definitely not a fan of the question.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Yea no kidding. I just said "nope no kids yet" and left it there.

But seriously, when is someone's bedroom activities the business of everyone??

 

[-~Truth_N_Trust~-]

people love babies and they love to gossip. It's usually not until you have trouble that you realise how personal and upsetting that question can be. *hugs* ladies. We used to just say it's up to God, actually we still say that when we get asked if we plan on having any more, gosh my son is still an infant and we had to seek fertility treatments, give me a break!

 

[fuzzymel]

I'm not sure when a woman's fertility became public casual conversation fodder...but I am often tempted to reply with something equally as personal and private such as; "So when are you planning on losing that excess weight?" (to a particularly rotund person) or "How's your sex life?"

I so feel like doing that everytime someone mentions having children to me. One day if someone pushes me too far I just might do it.

 

[jessesgirl]

SOTFB

I have no encouraging words, just hugs and prayers.

 

[Leanna]

doh!

People don't think, you know.... I know better now after being on forums so I would never ask.... but I know I have asked that in the past, also equally obnoxious questions about if a person is getting married.... .... I know the first 5 years of my marriage I got a lot of questions about babies.... one time I responded with "lets hope not or we'd have to live in someone's basement" (my husband was in college) and the person was .... wow.... I think that I've learned since then

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

LOL.

Oh well, if all goes as planned I may not have to worry about that question for much longer

 

[FallingWaters]

doh!

People don't think, you know.... I know better now after being on forums so I would never ask.... but I know I have asked that in the past, also equally obnoxious questions about if a person is getting married.... .... I know the first 5 years of my marriage I got a lot of questions about babies.... one time I responded with "lets hope not or we'd have to live in someone's basement" (my husband was in college) and the person was .... wow.... I think that I've learned since then

Yeah, I've had my share of open mouth, insert foot.

When people would ask if I was going to have a baby, I'd smile and respond, "I'm looking forward to it." That would end the conversation, though on the inside, I had a much different collection of thoughts going through my mind!

 

[Assisi]

I think it's different for me because I've had miscarriages since we were married. But I usually tell people my history if they ask a prying question like that. Hey, if they ask, then they have to be interested and caring enough for the truth imo. Plus, when I say what's happened to me often I get to hear a really encouraging story about someone (the person who asked, or their sister, or mother, or best friend etc) about how they struggled for years and years and how it ended (usually it ended with lots and lots of healthy babies).

 

[atheliah]

I've had that question sooooo many times. Especially from DH's mum. I think she does it on purpose, like to rub it in (dh has kid with his ex from yrssss ago). Make me feel like rubbish really, almost like shes saying ;
'oh, you're yet to give my son a child. Well, such and such conceived straight away.'

Makes me so <staff edit> angry, and pushing me back to not wanting any kids


Two of my cousins recently had kids, both only 3 months apart. hmmpf at the time they were pregnant, I hadn't had my period for just over a month, so I was hoping was I pregs, turned out I had a cyst on my ovaries

 

[tigercub]

I've had that question sooooo many times. Especially from DH's mum. I think she does it on purpose, like to rub it in (dh has kid with his ex from yrssss ago). Make me feel like rubbish really, almost like shes saying ;
'oh, you're yet to give my son a child. Well, such and such conceived straight away.'

Makes me so damn angry, and pushing me back to not wanting any kids


Two of my cousins recently had kids, both only 3 months apart. hmmpf at the time they were pregnant, I hadn't had my period for just over a month, so I was hoping was I pregs, turned out I had a cyst on my ovaries

 

[barefeetonholyground]

I get that question all the time. It's not like we're trying but who says that after two years of marriage it's weird if you don't have a baby?

 

[FaithLoveHope9]

Yesterday our secretary brought in her baby. Me (married almost 2) and another woman, who has been married for 3 years both were being bugged when we were going to have one of our own...

 

[Meshavrischika]

I'm not sure when a woman's fertility became public casual conversation fodder...but I am often tempted to reply with something equally as personal and private such as; "So when are you planning on losing that excess weight?" (to a particularly rotund person) or "How's your sex life?"

I've tried answering honestly...but people's reaction usually consists of "Um...ok" or "All in good time, dear" (or other such patronising comment)

Disclaimer: I am not including fertility discussions that we actually want to have, for example; this forum.

I like that response. Some people are insensitive. My comment would have been "DH and I haven't figured out how to have sex yet, but when we do, we'll let you know" or something like that.

Praying for you fishy...