I frighten myself sometimes

[looking4joy]

I'm afraid of my thoughts sometimes. Especially when I give into temptation that I am weak to. I tend to see and think in terms of black and white. For instance, I am either not saved, and thus rejecting grace, or I am knowledgeable of the gospel but trampling over grace. In these times, I never feel like I am simply making a non-perfect Christian's mistake/sin. And further, if I do put the endurance forth and try not to sin, I feel like I have been legalistic and I get worn out, and eventually I sin anyway out of frustration and weakness, and get thrown right back in the loop again.

I'm referring to sin that is influenced by addictive behavior, like drinking, or porn, or drugs, etc.... sins that aren't just so easy to put away.

Then there are times like I really get the picture. I notice a pattern. Usually during the morning and daytime I feel like what I described above, and at nighttime often I will be able to pray to the Father and know that I have faith in God through Christ Jesus, and rest in the peace and joy of salvation. But those times I am afraid of my own thoughts and ways - I really wonder sometimes what's going on.

 

[jmount78]

Very good book, imho, that I am reading right now is Go and Sin No More by Dr. Michael L. Brown. It is not expensive and I would recommend it to you. He touches on many of these things you are conflicted about.

 

[joshuanazar]

These thoughts are just the devil trying to discourage you. Perfect love casts out all fear. Just focus on Jesus, his love, his grace, his sacrifice, his power, his peace, and his plan. If we focus on sin, we will see sin. If we focus on our shortcomings, we will see them. If we stay focused on Jesus, we can see nothing but him and his goodness.