I flipped out...

[Jesus'TroublesomeAngel]

Is it wrong to flip out?

Bawling, Screaming you hate Jesus, Screaming "Why?" and "How could you do this to me!?" and asking God why He couldn't make a certain person care for me and why sex is so important to people these days and why people don't care for others the way I care for others and why does my dog have cancer and why why why?

I totally flipped out it was like I was throwing a tantrum only worse.

I never cry-I find it hard to. I tried even saying the Three Hail Mary devotion to calm me down and I couldn't make myself say the words.

After pleading with God to take my life I had Asthma problems and eventually settled down and I slept for hours.

I've woken up wondering how the hell am I going to focus on anything? I'd built my life around getting better, being able to go out with certain people and hopefully a particular guy and I have come to understand that none of that may happen and I can scream and cry and flip out all I want-I have to walk this road alone with only God-who I don't understand and don't get at all as my guide.

I screamed for Saint Raphael and St. Joseph to help me I think I called to Our Lady I can't remember.

It's so hard I feel like I have no direction in my life and it's hard to know what to do.

Just take one day at a time I guess but each breath is so hard to take.

This little "episode" started when I was packing my things to move more stuff out and my sister said I was making a mess of the area she had cleaned so she threw all my packed stuff down.

I was trying to explain later that our brothers shouldn't come to visit tonight and neither should our Dad because we have no room for them. Well, I apparently now dislike everyone and don't want anyone to visit. That wasn't the case at all I just thought it best to have a place for people to sleep.


Because my Father was hell-bent on coming with the boys tonight, he apparently was angry and because of that, it put extra pressure on my brothers so my sister shoved me into some boxes and thumped me.

Meanwhile, my Mother begs me not to call the police on my sister. I'm just glad I am moving.
My sister has a split personality she's fine now. Wants to watch tv with me.

She's 30 years old. I think she needs anger management. I know I'm not perfect, and I am going to Drs, taking medication, trying to find answers constantly.

Because I seem to make more noise about getting things done, this makes me the "difficult" one even though everyone agrees that if I sometimes didn't push an issue, things would never progress.

How do I Pray for everything to get better? THere's so much to Pray for I need to Pray for God, for others, for those less fortunate, the deceases, the Holy souls in Purgatory, my pets, family and friends and me. I just don't know if my prayers are even going to be answered given the enormous amount of stuff I have to Pray for and the fact nothing will happen unless God wants it to anyway.
I'm sore and my cheeks are all blotchy and I just hate my life.

God Bless and be with You all.

 

[faerieevaH]

Dear troubled Angel... first of all, know that you are loved. I know, it sounds like a cheap line, but it's so much more. Sometimes people just 'go off', and while of course it isn't right to go and shout at people sometimes to be by ourselves and shout and cry for help is the best we can do with our despair. Especially if we are crying out to Jesus and the Saints who love us so much.
Life makes waves, and now and again those waves don't seem normal anymore but big, big waves that will swallow us whole and we don't know anymore what to do. THe horrible thing is that there are no easy 'fit to all' answers in these situations, except for these: pray. If you have to pray in a shout, then pray in a shout. If you have to pray in tears than pray in your tears. My priest once said that my tears could be the most beautiful prayer to our Lord if I offered them to Him through Our Lady who is Queen of the seven sorrows.
Some tips about your situation: just do one thing at a time, and when everyone seems to misinterpret, just write down for yourself: this is what I ment, this is what they understood.
Do something.... I guess with moving you are already doing a lot. But empty the dishwasher or something. You'll still be in pain, but you'll also have an empty dishwasher (or your mom will).
Be patient with yourself and with those around you. You're not perfect and christ like all day. Well... very few people are. Give yourself time and breathing room.
But most of all: know that you're loved. Take each day as a new day in which you can take on tiny new step.

 

[Mystery5]

Dear Angel,

It sounds too me that you have a very troubled family. What you describe are very unhealthy family dynamics. Probably they have been this way for some time. Naturally, growing up around this is very confusing.

It might take some time for you to sort out the emotional baggage that you have from your life so far. God can help you, which he sometimes does through other people. I hope you can reach out for that help. Also, it might be healthier for your healing to not be so involved with you family on a day to day basis. These patterns of behaviour are well established and they are harmful and toxic.

I speak from experience. I grew up in an unhappy home and it deeply affected me for much of my life. I'm 47 now and God had done much healing in me, but not without time passing, a lot of pain and struggles, and my living far away from my family.

 

[St_Joseph_Cupertino]

Hi There.

Know, my dear sister in Christ, that you are truly loved.

And, we all have been there too. But, also, the fact that you did pray and ask for help, and even thought of the Hail Mary, is also a very good sign!

Keep the Faith, keep praying, I will definately pray for you!

Peace in Christ!

 

[racer]

Angel,

If it's any help at all . . . I flip out often. Seriously. For so long I didn't, I just didn't react to much of anything. Then something so bad happened that made me reallllly flip out and woke a very angry sleeping monster. That monster is calming back down now, but it's been a very hard couple of years. There is peace and help. Sometimes, it's just a while in coming.

I will definitely pray for you.

God bless!!

 

[tjboie2001]

Yes I have been there to with the family troubles.

 

[karla]

I wil be prayig for you. I've had my share of life's disappointments, but the one thing that I must constantly remind myself is that God does have a plan for me and I need to trust in Him. It's easy for us to "know" what is best for us, but only God can truly know that. Just put your trust in Him and know that He is the soft place to land when you fall.

May God Bless You