I feel I was discriminated, what should I do?

[Rehem]

Hi,

I am a Christian from a muslim background and have been a leader in an underground church. I came to Canada to study at a Christian university and went to a predominantly white church. Though some never greeted me, many members were very kind and supportive. Some members in the church encouraged me to apply for pastoral assistant position in that church as the church as actively looking for one. I did but never heard back from them though the pastor promised he would get back to me! I did not know what to think but one elder who was not involved in the hiring process encouraged me to wait. After two month they announced that they hired someone else. I was really hurt. The elder told them that I was still waiting for their response. Then another elder who was involved in the process came and told me that the pastor has asked him to tell me long time ago but he forgot to do so, and he apologized. But I was not convinced and felt that they discriminated me. I kept going to the church but felt isolated and after 3 more month left. I lost many good friends and connection. Though I forgave them it is still bothering me. I am unable to forget the feeling that I was discriminated. Don't know what to do and it is hindering my spiritual and emotional life. I think, if I go and tell the church leadership, who I feel discriminated me, they will be really hurt and mad at me.

 

[Willie T]

If your reactions are this touchy, I fear you may not make a good pastor anywhere yet, especially at a church you have already formed negative opinions about.

 

[RaymondG]

When you forgive, you no longer have negative emotions when you think about the situation. So you have not forgiven them. When you grow spiritually, you will be able to forgive without needing to feel sorrow from the offending party.....But this doesn't come easy. So for now, you will need to talk to them about it....And after you know they know your feelings, and they apologize and you feel they are sincere.....you will be able to forgive them and be set free from the bondage that is now holding you back.

 

[morse86]

Go to a bible believing church.

Here are the requirements by God for ANY biblical pastor:

1 Timothy 3:1-7:
This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.
A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.
Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

 

[Rescued One]

Hi,

I am a Christian from a muslim background and have been a leader in an underground church. I came to Canada to study at a Christian university and went to a predominantly white church. Though some never greeted me, many members were very kind and supportive. Some members in the church encouraged me to apply for pastoral assistant position in that church as the church as actively looking for one. I did but never heard back from them though the pastor promised he would get back to me! I did not know what to think but one elder who was not involved in the hiring process encouraged me to wait. After two month they announced that they hired someone else. I was really hurt. The elder told them that I was still waiting for their response. Then another elder who was involved in the process came and told me that the pastor has asked him to tell me long time ago but he forgot to do so, and he apologized. But I was not convinced and felt that they discriminated me. I kept going to the church but felt isolated and after 3 more month left. I lost many good friends and connection. Though I forgave them it is still bothering me. I am unable to forget the feeling that I was discriminated. Don't know what to do and it is hindering my spiritual and emotional life. I think, if I go and tell the church leadership, who I feel discriminated me, they will be really hurt and mad at me.

I don't have an answer. However, you aren't alone. I was in a church that wouldn't let a man be an elder because he sometimes had to work on Sundays. He and his wife left and went to another church. This same church discriminated against a couple who visited and some of the members didn't like their small tatoos. They also left and didn't return.

People are so afraid of those with Muslim backgrounds. Christians are even afraid. It's a terrible dilemma.

Find some comfort in this:

Matthew 5 NIV
11“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Perhaps you could start an online ministry (website) or post inspiring messages here at CF. God loves you very much.

 

[faroukfarouk]

If you are humbly motivated to serve those who love and trust the Lord Jesus, then you will be glad to do so without being prominent.

 

[Rescued One]

When you forgive, you no longer have negative emotions when you think about the situation. So you have not forgiven them. When you grow spiritually, you will be able to forgive without needing to feel sorrow from the offending party.....But this doesn't come easy. So for now, you will need to talk to them about it....And after you know they know your feelings, and they apologize and you feel they are sincere.....you will be able to forgive them and be set free from the bondage that is now holding you back.

Sometimes people try to judge whether or not another has forgiven. Can you forgive someone who molested your child and yet feel deeply hurt by that person? I can.

 

[mukk_in]

Hi,

I am a Christian from a muslim background and have been a leader in an underground church. I came to Canada to study at a Christian university and went to a predominantly white church. Though some never greeted me, many members were very kind and supportive. Some members in the church encouraged me to apply for pastoral assistant position in that church as the church as actively looking for one. I did but never heard back from them though the pastor promised he would get back to me! I did not know what to think but one elder who was not involved in the hiring process encouraged me to wait. After two month they announced that they hired someone else. I was really hurt. The elder told them that I was still waiting for their response. Then another elder who was involved in the process came and told me that the pastor has asked him to tell me long time ago but he forgot to do so, and he apologized. But I was not convinced and felt that they discriminated me. I kept going to the church but felt isolated and after 3 more month left. I lost many good friends and connection. Though I forgave them it is still bothering me. I am unable to forget the feeling that I was discriminated. Don't know what to do and it is hindering my spiritual and emotional life. I think, if I go and tell the church leadership, who I feel discriminated me, they will be really hurt and mad at me.

I doubt it had anything to do with your Muslim background son. I'm a former Hindu Brahmin and I criss-crossed America preaching. They may have just found someone more suitable. Don't worry, there are plenty of churches which need a good Pastor. God bless .

 

[Rehem]

I guess I just expected a different response! I thought at least the pastor would talk to me about it or get an interview. I felt simply ignored.

Thanks everyone for your kind responses!

God bless you all!

 

[RaymondG]

Sometimes people try to judge whether or not another has forgiven. Can you forgive someone who molested your child and yet feel deeply hurt by that person? I can.

No I can't. After God takes the pain away, I will be able to forgive. If there is still anger associated with the person, I have not forgiven them. Giving extremes doesn't modify the truth.....If you have truth you should be able to share it without the need to shock people's minds with extremes first. We are talking about getting passed up for a position here, not murder, rape or molestation.

 

[Albion]

I guess I just expected a different response! I thought at least the pastor would talk to me about it or get an interview. I felt simply ignored.

Thanks everyone for your kind responses!

God bless you all!

You are right about that. The explanation that was made to you, if true, shows that a mistake was made, and you have a right to feel somewhat upset about that. However, there is no evidence (judging by what you told us) that you were actually discriminated against in the hiring process, let alone that it was because of your ethnic or religious background.

What I think you should do is go the pastor, not accuse anyone of discriminating against you and not complaining about the claim that he had told someone else to inform you, etc. You have a perfect right, though, to ask for the reasons you were not the person hired. Was it because of something you aren't aware of? Was it simply because the person who was hired instead of you had superb qualifications?

For you to make this kind of request for your own peace of mind, or so that you can remedy the shortcomings before you seek a similar position on another occasion, is nothing unusual and it is entirely reasonable of you to ask.

 

[Tolworth John]

I am unable to forget the feeling that I was discriminated. Don't know what to do and it is hindering my spiritual and emotional life.

I am sorry that this church handled the matter of your application badly and in a clumsy and amaterish way.

At this point in time you don't have many options.

May I suggest that you write out the time line.
The date you learnt of the vacancy, the date you submitted an application and all the dates and events in between these and your leaving the church.

Then write a letter detailing these events andhow you wre treated. keep the letter impersonall or in the third person.
Once you have a factual history and a simple statement of how you feel you were treated make a suggestion how thing should have been done, what actions would have made you feel you were a valued applicant, even if an unsuccessful apicant and send it to the pastor.
Ask him for an assurance thathe and his team will learn from how they treated you.

Having written it all out hand it to God and leave it.

Future applications, ask when you can expect to hear and contact them the day after.