I feel hurt and I don't know what to do about it....

[Akendall]

I'm going on to 20 years old. I have graduated. I have moved around all my life, and have kept only a handful of close friends by my side. I'm a shy girl, with deep belief in Jesus Christ and my relationship with God.
All of the close friends I have are long-distance, and non-Christian (or EX-Christians), but I have a boyfriend who is a Christian, we have been dating for two years now.
My friends and I keep in contact alot, but I can tell you right now, that it is HARD being the ONLY Christian in the circle. I don't try to convert my friends, but I do share my beliefs and the Holy Word occasionally when I feel it's out of love. I try to live as an example and witness to God's love in my life, but I have come to realize that I'm just one person out of all of my friends other friends who does. Their friends are also non-christian, but not necessarily bad people, althought I do know that their influence on my pals are not what you call "healthy".
All my friends know where I stand in my faith and beliefs, but because I do not judge them or try to "condemn" them for their non-christian ways, they have come to accept me and love me as much as I love them.
They are very talented and nice people. But when I look at the way I see them live their lifes, it hurts me emotionally in a way that makes me cry. I feel conflicted and hurt because I put all my time and effort to support and love them, I pray for them day after day, and yet when I try to tell them that I feel hurt or worried by some of the things they do, they just say "I'm sorry, I love you but I just can't stop for you."
My boyfriend is long distance as well. Yeah, I know that sounds very hard, and it is. But my mutual trust and love in him is strong enough to tackle the distance, and we managed to see eachother in person every 3 months. I miss him terribly and he is hardly around. But he is the best support I have right now, the only one I can go to for issues like this.
But I feel that one person is not enough. I don't want to go through this pain alone, but I don't have any other close friends who are Christian. I feel like I could break down, but I have no desire to give up. God's strength and my faith keep me going, keep me loving my friends, but I'm pretty sure that I'm suffering of emotional distress because of it.
Im in desperate need for advice, please....how can I overcome this emotional distress and keep living in God's word among my non-christian friends? I put all my trust in God, but this pain will not go away...
thank you.

 

[blackribbon]

It kind of sounds like you are growing into a new stage of life and maybe need to look at getting some new friends that their lifestyles run more parallel to you and your life goals. It is time to stretch yourself and put yourself in places where you can make these new friends. I find that no matter where I am, I see quiet lonely people. It isn't hard to talk to someone like this. Also, don't limit yourself to "peer" groups...try something new at church which allows you to expand your boundaries a little bit more.

If you don't, eventually your friends will pull you down. As a Christian, you still stay a friend and expose them to what a Christian can look like...but don't make these people your primary circle. You will always be the outsider and it will make you feel bad about living the life that you should be living.

I don't take you and your pain lightly, but it seems to me that this is self-imposed hurt. It is time that you decide who you are going to be as an adult. And find role models and people who build you up. It really isn't as hard as it sounds. ((hugs))

 

[SplendidTree]

Maybe you could try to find a church for some fellowship.

I will pray for you, sister.

 

[simpleliving]

Isolation can be very difficult and painful so I hear you. I lived in a very difficult relationship for a long time and because of the damage from that I didn't feel good enough about myself to reach out and make friends. That relationship ended only about two months ago and when it did I only knew two people in my town. I started to get more involved and reaching out more and it is amazing how many friends I have made and they are true friends with a real connection. I am introverted and making conversation can be hard sometimes but I just hope to encourage you that you can find "safe people". I just started to talk to people more and open up and joined a support group, went to a woman's Bible study, found a church and let people know that I really wanted to be involved. At first it was really difficult. I would be at a meeting and want to come home because I just felt so out of place, but that quickly changed. I hope things get better and I will pray. God bless!