I feel hopeless...

Chanmi2000 said:

*please excuse my eventual grammar mistakes, I'm not fluent in English*
I'll start off by giving you some background information about me . I'm a young female, born into and raised in an Orthodox family, although I don't really know whether I really believe in God. Depends on my mood, but I'm generally agnostic. I have a close relationship with my parents, so that's why I can't tell them I'm a lesbian yet. Maybe when I have my own job and I leave apart from them, I'll let them know.
My orientation is somehow tearing me apart. I'd very much like to get into a relationship with another female and sleep with her, but the problem is that, although not 100% a believer, I can't risk going to hell and staying there forever. I'm scared, depressed and kind of hopeless. I got no one to talk to.
You thought that was all? Unfortunately, no.
I started to despise men a few years ago. Why? Because they could all have girlfriends without burning in hell after dying. I feel so jealous of them and frustrated it's driving me crazy! I makes me cry!
And to make things even more "interesting", I have obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety, which means that my psyche is so weak that every powerful negative emotion, such as fear or frustration, causes me to show physical symptoms, such as nausea (which lasts one week), palpitations, shortness of breath, lump in throat etc.
Therefore, hating men is destroying both my mental and physical health.
My life would be so great if I weren't a lesbian. I wish I were a man....
I would like to know how to cope with my negative emotions.....
Thank you in advance...

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Jesus loves you,

Welcome to the forum in Jesus name, it is a great place to be, to sort out problems and get to know Jesus for real.

Get to know Jesus first and problems such as you describe will fall away. I will pray for you,
Dear Father bless and protect Chanmi2000,
give her the understanding that Jesus loves her so much

You're not hopeless but confused, and about a lot of things. I might add, You're not such an uncommon product of today's society who live without God as the head of their life. But there is hope, Jesus came to earth and died for all of us, believing in Him is our salvation. He is yours as well.

Men don't get a break when messing around with women. Sex is for marriage between a man and a woman. They too need Jesus Christ to gain forgiveness and salvation, just as women do.

God didn't make a mistake in creating you, you have female parts then you're a female. Period and regardless of what a lost and dying world tells you.

That's the tip of the iceberg but a solid start.

Firstly, have you sought medical help for your anxiety etc? This needs to be addressed.

Secondly, men are as likely to end up in hell too for serious sins not repented. They dont have a free pass! God treats man and woman the same.

You should try and get some good counselling to help with your thoughts too. Its very unhealthy to hate as you said you do. It will eat you up inside.

You are carrying a heavy cross. Give you problems to God. Lay them at His feet. He will help you.

God loves you so much. He does.

God bless you and protect you

The thing is, sleeping with another woman, dating another woman, etc., is not God's will for you, or for me. Those feelings can be strong. I hear that. But our feelings and wants and thoughts and preferences should not take a front seat to knowing and walking with God, and winding up in Heaven. Like you said.

The beginning point is Christ. He is the meaning of life. Knowing and walking with God is the reason for our existence as humans. He gives us free will to pursuit what we want, but the end result is Hell.

Talk to Him. Talk to Christ. He loves you, He is God in flesh, God is real, and He created you. I get it. Fighting against these desires is tough. I am also attracted to women, and experience gender dysphoria, and I still struggle. I get that. But following Christ trumps any amount of temporary enjoyment we might get in this life. I'm also married to a guy. So anything is possible.

You may or may not feel able to marry, or be called to marry. Some Christians are celibate, and that's ok, too. But begin to seek Christ. Talk to a priest, begin to read the New Testament, begin to pray, talk to folks on here. You are absolutely not alone.

Here are Four Saints Who Struggled With Lust that you can ask to pray for you :

Four Saints Who Struggled with Lust | Orthodox Christian Fellowship



• St. Mary of Egypt





• St. Moses the Ethiopian





• St. Justina





• St. John the Long-Suffering




.

Chanmi2000 said:

I started to despise men a few years ago. Why? Because they could all have girlfriends without burning in hell after dying.

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Sounds like you've been shoveled a major dose of corrupt patriarchal culture. This has nothing to do with the truth of the Bible. Most unfortunately, even the church often models Christ very poorly, leaving people who don't know better extremely vulnerable to being misled and feeling alienated from God.

The answer is to know the truth. God hasn't forgotten you. He loves you just as much as any male, and no one is given freedom to sin for any reason, including gender.

Perhaps if you understand the love and righteousness of God accurately everything else will begin to fall into place.

Chanmi2000 said:

*please excuse my eventual grammar mistakes, I'm not fluent in English*...

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Hi Chanmi,

Pleased to meet you. Now you have done well to admit your great need and desire for help. This is where we all come to eventually, and you are there now as a young person. Great. You have not wasted your whole life (of 70 plus years) but have realised your great need now as a young person.

So glad you have not taken on religion but are open to know the Lord. This is the way through your turmoil of life. One step at a time, learning to hear that small voice, nudging, that will guide you to know the Lord and His ways. As you have something or some attitude highlighted to you, then repent, say sorry and thank the Lord for His forgiveness.

We are in the process of being changed, and that is what I see you desire. You will find as you get stronger in your spirit, that your wrong desires will go and you will see people as they are and not things to be used.

Praying for you, and please keep in touch. PM me privately if you want to, Marilyn.

Chanmi2000 said:

My life would be so great if I weren't a lesbian. I wish I were a man....Why do I have to be attracted to men?! I'm just fed up, can't take it anymore!

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I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling...please consider Christian psychotherapy.

Prayers for you that you will find peace.

Chanmi2000 said:

*please excuse my eventual grammar mistakes, I'm not fluent in English*
I'll start off by giving you some background information about me . I'm a young female, born into and raised in an Orthodox family, although I don't really know whether I really believe in God. Depends on my mood, but I'm generally agnostic. I have a close relationship with my parents, so that's why I can't tell them I'm a lesbian yet. Maybe when I have my own job and I leave apart from them, I'll let them know.
My orientation is somehow tearing me apart. I'd very much like to get into a relationship with another female and sleep with her, but the problem is that, although not 100% a believer, I can't risk going to hell and staying there forever. I'm scared, depressed and kind of hopeless. I got no one to talk to.
You thought that was all? Unfortunately, no.
I started to despise men a few years ago. Why? Because they could all have girlfriends without burning in hell after dying. I feel so jealous of them and frustrated it's driving me crazy! It makes me cry!
And to make things even more "interesting", I have obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety, which means that my psyche is so weak that every powerful negative emotion, such as fear or frustration, causes me to show physical symptoms, such as nausea (which lasts one week), palpitations, shortness of breath, lump in throat etc.
Therefore, hating men is destroying both my mental and physical health.
My life would be so great if I weren't a lesbian. I wish I were a man....Why do I have to be attracted to men?! I'm just fed up, can't take it anymore! I am full of hatred, my heart just feels heavy...I would never commit suicide, but it has crossed my mind.
I would like to know how to cope with my negative emotions.....
Thank you in advance...

Click to expand...

There are some good men in the the world. And it is God's plan that you be with a good man, not a woman. This may seem uneasy at this point in your life. I don't down play the desire you may have for women. But the bible describes it in this way (paraphrased):

We left to our selves, will be controlled by various, incorrect desires. These desires can consume us. The only way to control these desires, is to ask God to strengthen you, and stabilise you, and to show you the good plan He has for your life.

God wants you to feel at peace, He want's you to have stability. Nothing in life is easy, relationships are hard work. And true love can only come as we allow God to mold us.

Eternal life is important, and it only comes with obedience to God. Yet God says when you obey him, he will exult you, internally, and externally. Internally with peace, and externally with blessing as much as he can within the natural environment.

I am not saying get God and never have a trouble in your life, but rather God's desire is to bless you in the end, be it now, or eternally.

Chanmi2000 said:

*please excuse my eventual grammar mistakes, I'm not fluent in English*
I'll start off by giving you some background information about me . I'm a young female, born into and raised in an Orthodox family, although I don't really know whether I really believe in God. Depends on my mood, but I'm generally agnostic. I have a close relationship with my parents, so that's why I can't tell them I'm a lesbian yet. Maybe when I have my own job and I leave apart from them, I'll let them know.

Click to expand...

Are you aware of the research that's been done on homosexual behaviour? It turns out that homosexuality is primarily psycho-social in origin, not biological. Personality, environment, relationships - these are the things that are the main factors in homosexual attraction, not genes. Identical twin studies, in particular, have shown this to be the case. Of course, the popular media doesn't like to air these studies because it badly damages their desired narrative about the genetic origin of homosexuality. It turns out, there is no such thing.

Chanmi2000 said:

My orientation is somehow tearing me apart. I'd very much like to get into a relationship with another female and sleep with her, but the problem is that, although not 100% a believer, I can't risk going to hell and staying there forever. I'm scared, depressed and kind of hopeless. I got no one to talk to.

Click to expand...

Your "orientation" is nothing more than the natural inclination toward sin that the Bible says afflicts us all. Some struggle against the temptation to gossip, or to be temperamental, or to engage in adultery, or to use addictive substances. Whatever. We all of us have temptations to which we must frequently say, "No." Without a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, however, saying "No" to what is wrong is of little use. No one gets into heaven because they resisted temptation. The entrance into heaven, you see, is not by way of a behaviour but a Person: the Saviour, Jesus Christ. Jesus is the "Way, the Truth, and the Life." No one comes unto God the Father but through him. If you're afraid of going to hell, the answer isn't to avoid sin but to trust in Christ as your Saviour and yield your life to him as your Lord. When you do, sincerely, from the heart, you will find your desire to sin begins to change such that sin revolts rather than attracts you.

Chanmi2000 said:

You thought that was all? Unfortunately, no.
I started to despise men a few years ago. Why? Because they could all have girlfriends without burning in hell after dying. I feel so jealous of them and frustrated it's driving me crazy! It makes me cry!

Click to expand...

God made men and women to come together romantically and sexually. He didn't make women to have sex with each other. Simply look at yourself. You were made by God to enjoy sex with a man. When you twist God's design, you sin against Him. Heterosexuals, while perhaps guilty of many other sins, are not guilty of twisting God's design for human sexuality. Why, then, are you mad at them? They are doing exactly as they ought to be doing.

Chanmi2000 said:

And to make things even more "interesting", I have obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety, which means that my psyche is so weak that every powerful negative emotion, such as fear or frustration, causes me to show physical symptoms, such as nausea (which lasts one week), palpitations, shortness of breath, lump in throat etc.
Therefore, hating men is destroying both my mental and physical health.

Click to expand...

Well, then, you ought to stop hating men, right? Or do you enjoy being nauseous and short of breath?

I used to struggle with OCD as a younger person, and with very severe anxiety. I can tell you that God set me entirely free of these things as I learned to walk rightly with Him. I'm sure He can do the same for you.

Chanmi2000 said:

My life would be so great if I weren't a lesbian.

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You aren't a lesbian. You're a sinner in need of a Saviour.

Chanmi2000 said:

Why do I have to be attracted to men?! I'm just fed up, can't take it anymore! I am full of hatred, my heart just feels heavy...

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This is exactly the sort of thing God says in His word, the Bible, is the result of living in opposition to Him. If you want a new heart, a stable, peaceful, contented heart, you'll need to get serious with Him.

Chanmi2000 said:

I would like to know how to cope with my negative emotions.....

Click to expand...

Jesus said,

Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come unto me, all you who labor and are heavy burdened, and I will give you rest
29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

Chanmi2000 said:

I started to despise men a few years ago. Why? Because they could all have girlfriends without burning in hell after dying. I feel so jealous of them and frustrated it's driving me crazy! It makes me cry!

Click to expand...

Not sure why you think men can get away with sin? Everyone is accountable.

Your story is familiar to me.

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