I feel abandoned

[Christgirl67]

.

 

[eleos1954]

I have went through some major life changes within the past few years.For the most part, I have always been a independent person, and I have always had a few friends.But I have always been a family person, and I love to spend time with them and be around them.Now that I have gotten older, everyone is living their own life, and I am ok with that.But sometimes I feel bad because things have changed so much.I used to spend time with my family almost every few weeks, and now I only see them from time to time.My dad lives in a different state,so I usually only see him about once a year.Right now I just feel abandoned by everyone.I try to remember that God is always with me, but its hard for me to really believe that because I cannot see or feel him.I just feel like everyone just left at the same time and left me by myself.

I know the feeling .... only me and my sis left in our family and she just moved 15 hours away from me ;o( but ... she and I text, email and talk on the phone alot ... not perfect ... but glad to have that. But ... she wanted to move to better weather so I understand that. She's happy and I'm happy ... I do miss her ... but ... we're together in heart and always will be ;o) Happy Hearts ;o)

God Bless.

 

[Romans 8]

I moved to a new city and have no friends here. I joined the church and attend as much as possible to obey God, and at the same time keep social.

 

[com7fy8]

Maybe you have been independent enough so you did not spend time enough to bond enough so they would want to share more time with you.

You have been better than me. I got into a self-righteous thing, supposing I was Christian. And so, I got away from family, but also my critical spirit stuff and showing off my word talk kept me from sharing with real Jesus people.

But then I was praying for God to really correct me to be a truly loving person. And then I realized I should not try to control others and use others for company, but keep them free. And love them as myself, by appreciating however God blessed them with close friends and marriage and family. Then I got how I needed to be content with whatsoever I really had with each person.

And appreciate opening the post office door and just sharing a smile and a hi. Be thankful for whatever God pleased to grant. Then the little things added up, with me not possessing people. And one thing led to another, so I have my lady friend of maybe six years, and I have her seniors who are discovering their problems of old age, and she is my missionary director!

And one man was trusted to me, apparently how God used me to stop him from suicide and then help him trust in Jesus. So, I can be busy with him, but constantly encouraging him to share with various Jesus people, not only me.

We love others as ourselves, by freeing our special people to be good for others, also.

Pray, then, and be ready to be trusted, I would say. Offer it to God. He possibly already has heard what you have been thinking . . . as the prayer He will answer.

Read about how the word says to relate.

 

[bèlla]

And then I realized I should not try to control others and use others for company, but keep them free. And love them as myself, by appreciating however God blessed them with close friends and marriage and family. Then I got how I needed to be content with whatsoever I really had with each person

I love this comment. Well said. I've read comments on the site about connections that are honestly expectations. And it always made me uncomfortable. I've never believed anyone owes me their time, ear, etc. All is grace.

 

[com7fy8]

I've read comments on the site about connections that are honestly expectations.

Thank you, LaBèlla

It seems that in closer relationships, we can have more expectations of the ones closer to us, since we find them to be the ones for us, and therefore the ones who will help all our dreams come true. But, then, our expectations can be or become demands and requirements, backed up with anger and arguing and complaining and then even bitterness about not getting what we require.

And ones can be like this, even with God, by the way.

I've never believed anyone owes me their time, ear, etc. All is grace.

Yes, we need to be unconditional . . . like God. Yes, God is unconditionally loving us, but this is our example of how He pleases for us also to love! And as we become . . . growing more and more . . . unconditionally all-loving, we get closer to Him and so we are not lonely . . . while also being more and more busy with loving and caring for any and all people. And with this comes sharing with our others who are this way, in such tenderly loving sharing >

"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

Even with ones who are "tenderhearted" with us, we will need to be doing forgiving > "even as God".

Therefore, in order to be able to do well in closer relating, we need to become strong in unconditional all-forgiving love > we do need "longsuffering", at times >

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

And, also, even in a godly marriage, the guys need to become able to say no to any excuse to become bitter >

"Husbands, love your wives and do not become bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19)

So, our closer relationships are not only for making our dreams come true; God trusts us with closer people; marriage or another soul mate friendship in Jesus is a research laboratory in which to make break-through discoveries in how to love

 

[Richard T]

I saw this today and thought it might help. http://www.elijahlist.com/words/display_word.html?ID=21632#word-truncate

 

[bèlla]

It seems that in closer relationships, we can have more expectations of the ones closer to us, since we find them to be the ones for us, and therefore the ones who will help all our dreams come true. But, then, our expectations can be or become demands and requirements, backed up with anger and arguing and complaining and then even bitterness about not getting what we require.

I went through this with someone last year. I wanted some me time and informed a friend that I'd be quiet for a few days. I have periods of reflection where introspection and adjustments are needed and I do it throughout the year. She didn't complain but when we spoke a few days later she lost it and spent one hour unloading without ceasing.

No rationalization or request to stop made a difference. After it was out of her system she wanted to call and apologize. But it was too late. I was done. The depth of her entitlement was jarring and I knew it would happen again once the precedent was set. I forgave her and walked away without remorse. I loved her dearly but I could not support a friendship with that requirement. Life happens. God is. She can't be first.

Yes, we need to be unconditional . . . like God. Yes, God is unconditionally loving us, but this is our example of how He pleases for us also to love! And as we become . . . growing more and more . . . unconditionally all-loving, we get closer to Him and so we are not lonely . . . while also being more and more busy with loving and caring for any and all people. And with this comes sharing with our others who are this way, in such tenderly loving sharing

I have given a lot of my time in the past. But I'm in a different season now and purpose is my focus. God is first and my mission is too. That's where my focus is. My loved ones have adjusted to the reduction in my availability and the changes on the horizon.

What I've discovered about single-minded focus with things of God is how it alters your worldview. I require less from others than I ever did. And my contentment is greater than its ever been. He's my all and Source. I'm not looking to fill a void and stick a human in that space.

And whether we're conversing every day, once per week, or less I'm satisfied. I enjoy what I've been given and I'm grateful. I don't need more because that's really something else if I'm honest. I'm full and filled and that's enough.

 

[Christgirl67]

I mean I really just want to spend more time with my family, I do not think that is entitlement.

 

[Gregory95]

Always here for you my sister in Christ

Send me a PM if you need to talk

Stay strong and remember no amount of pain is even comparable to the glory to come when we all are in our true home

.

 

[com7fy8]

She didn't complain but when we spoke a few days later she lost it and spent one hour unloading without ceasing.

"swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19-20)

No rationalization or request to stop made a difference. After it was out of her system she wanted to call and apologize. But it was too late. I was done. The depth of her entitlement was jarring and I knew it would happen again once the precedent was set.

It appears she was not using that time to adjust.

I forgave her and walked away without remorse.

I understand you are not required to trust someone whom you forgive. We test if and how someone is ready to be trusted.

"Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

My loved ones have adjusted to the reduction in my availability and the changes on the horizon.

If this is what God has you do, good. But there are people who are into their independence, and they can get away from loved ones, then wonder how ever their loved ones are not available whenever they want them!!

If there is a Christian relationship, I think of how Paul says the husband and his wife might separate for fasting and prayer > 1 Corinthians 7 < but only with consent > m-u-t-u-a-l consent.

So, like this, I can see, if we have relating with real Jesus family people, we need to be submissive to one another. We do need each other. But this does not mean to give in to an unequal yoke thing of one doing controlling or there being co-dependence with arguing and ill tempered stuff, but >

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

I get how ranting can be good > so we know what is going on with one another, and we can be sensitive about one another's weaknesses. But there needs to be submitting to God.

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7)

 

[com7fy8]

I mean I really just want to spend more time with my family, I do not think that is entitlement.

I, of course, do not know how you and your family have been relating. There are people who have been very good with their families, but their families are not interested, for various possible reasons.

Also, ones have done things which have turned their family people away from them.

Plus, family people can just be too busy, whether this is good or not. If they are not being good with you, they need to get real in love. But so do we, don't we all?

You have Jesus family people who are your family. But I think we need to make sure we spend time with the senior and mature Christians, so we can feed on their example and grow in how to love. But since this can mean need for correction, we might tend to want to hang with certain favorites more our way. And this will bring disappointment.

"if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

In my case, my family was criticizing me about how much I could lock someone into a one-way lecture in his or her face. Plus, I could stink because I did not wash enough.

And indeed I got bent out of shape, taking it to mean they were rejecting me and did not want me. But as I became corrected by God and quieted down and was more prayerful, I then realized they criticized me because they wanted me to spend time with them and they cared about how this would be for them. And they had been right about how I was wrong.

And I keep getting more and better correction, by God. God corrects me better. They corrected me mainly about how I could be for them. But God deals with me about being more humble, and not trying to be important, right now. Oh yeah > as I grow in Jesus, I can start looking for how important I should be, and how much more desirable I will be for different people. Maybe it's like how the disciples could argue about who would be the greatest, because of being with Jesus. But the One who was great is Jesus!!!

And, by the way > how much do a lot of people want to be with God, though He is so greater and better? So, if ones are not especially interested in being with you . . . how much do they want, even, God Himself? Get with God more, and discover who this has you sharing with

 

[bèlla]

It appears she was not using that time to adjust. I understand you are not required to trust someone whom you forgive. We test if and how someone is ready to be trusted.

I love her. That will never change. But I can't be held to a standard that requires her appeasement to keep the peace. That's not sustainable. And I don't like anger. I think it's best to step away and cool our heels.

If this is what God has you do, good. But there are people who are into their independence, and they can get away from loved ones, then wonder how ever their loved ones are not available whenever they want them!!

I'm in a different season. I've raised a child and left the workforce. I have time to devote to God's purpose and that's what I'm doing. I'm building a business and returning to school. I have different priorities now.

I get how ranting can be good > so we know what is going on with one another, and we can be sensitive about one another's weaknesses. But there needs to be submitting to God.

I think prayer should be the first recourse. Then discussion. A lot of the frustration could be left with God if we'd go to Him. I'm home all day and have the opportunity to pray and connect with the Lord. I suspect that's why I have so much joy and peace. Because I talk to Him a lot. He renews my mind and strength every time.

 

[com7fy8]

I'm home all day and have the opportunity to pray and connect with the Lord. I suspect that's why I have so much joy and peace. Because I talk to Him a lot. He renews my mind and strength every time.

I think of what worked for David after the Amalekites > 1 Samuel 30 > took their wives and children. First, the guys wept until they were so worn out that they couldn't cry, any more. Yet, ones somehow found the strength to talk about stoning David! Right!!

But what worked? David got encouraged in the LORD, then he got with his priest and made sure with God about what to do.

Then, after they had gotten all the family people back, there were evil men in the group who were saying that only the ones who fought would get some of the spoil of what the Amalekites had gotten while raiding. But David said, no we will not listen to you, but even the men who stayed with the supplies will share in the spoil.

So David also ruled in a family way.

And I notice something; even while God was blessing David, Satan was allowed to test that blessing with the exact opposite. But David with God won

 

[mama2one]

I mean I really just want to spend more time with my family.

sorry that your family has all moved away

know that skype and phone calls are just not the same
one side of our family used to live closer but now live states away
we used to be able to drive to visit few times a yr but now they're so far
our child has said skype is NOT the same as seeing in person

understand your feeling of loss and know it's tough!

 

[bèlla]

But David said, no we will not listen to you, but even the men who stayed with the supplies will share in the spoil.

It's interesting you mention that. There is a noticeable bias about wealth in Christian communities and I've been observing the comments on the site. God uses people from all echelons of society. This is why many cannot minister to the wealthy. Because of their hearts.

I have a burden for them. And I'm also called to create clothing and home decor products. It's unfortunate that success would find me in a position where the lone support I'd receive would be from those who don't know God. It's sad.

And I notice something; even while God was blessing David, Satan was allowed to test that blessing with the exact opposite. But David with God won

True. I have a deep passion for philanthropy and stewardship and it will be tested. He will ask me to put my money somewhere my flesh would never consign. I've already been told. But all things under the heavens belong to Him and I will comply.

 

[Christgirl67]

I love this comment. Well said. I've read comments on the site about connections that are honestly expectations. And it always made me uncomfortable. I've never believed anyone owes me their time, ear, etc. All is grace.

I see what you mean, but when it comes to family I do not feel entitled to their time, but I do like to just spend time with them and I enjoy being around them.I can handle being alone, but I like being around my family and friends too.

 

[com7fy8]

It's unfortunate that success would find me in a position where the lone support I'd receive would be from those who don't know God.

What God is committed to, He will do.

I think ministry mainly first needs to be personal, like how Jesus called His twelve "that they might be with Him" (Mark 3:14), and then He sent them out. If He wants someone or ones and things, you will find them prepared, I think, when He has you make your move.

Even if I have money, that alone does not decide it gets used. First is to be with God and His guiding with His creativity How you are and can help people is more than any amount of money can pay for.

 

[Paidiske]

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