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I understand what your solution is- bend the knee and accept that another man (or multiple) has pleasured my wife and that she'll always remember those moments.I'm reluctant to keep replying, because I think it's becoming clear that this thread isn't really as helpful as one might have hoped, but I will try one last time to say something constructive.
No, there is another way; but it involves a change of heart on your part.
Why throw that away?I did it to honor God. Do you think I'd have passed up the 7 opportunities I had to engage in intercourse during high school if I wasn't?
I'm not proud of my virginity, I'm proud of the fact that I've had the courage to stick to the command that we should not commit the sin of fornication when 95% of the population doesn't.
I've been a virgin longer than you've been alive, and I didn't do that.My bitterness comes from the fact that people who have committed said sin or were lucky enough to grow up in a big city in 1980 and meet someone who didn't feel like they have the moral high ground to tell me how I should feel when they have no clue what it's like to be in my position.
I asked a reasonable question and everyone started to demean me for expecting Christians to follow the word of God. Silly me.
If you fornicate, that won't change, so fornication doesn't solve that problem.I understand what your solution is- bend the knee and accept that another man (or multiple) has pleasured my wife and that she'll always remember those moments.
Thanks to everyone for offering their input here. It sounds to me like the most logical thing to do would be to sleep around to lower the value of sex, and then repent when I'm ready to get married. If my future wife isn't allowed to judge me (and she's probably sleeping around right now anyway) and Jesus forgives all our sins- even the ones we do knowingly- then there's really no reason to wait. Nothing is going to hold me accountable except myself, and apparently I'm making myself a worse person and Christian by not fornicating before marriage. I don't want to hold anything against my future wife, and the only way this will be possible for me is for me to make the same mistakes.
I did it to honor God. Do you think I'd have passed up the 7 opportunities I had to engage in intercourse during high school if I wasn't?
I'm not proud of my virginity, I'm proud of the fact that I've had the courage to stick to the command that we should not commit the sin of fornication when 95% of the population doesn't.
My bitterness comes from the fact that people who have committed said sin or were lucky enough to grow up in a big city in 1980 and meet someone who didn't feel like they have the moral high ground to tell me how I should feel when they have no clue what it's like to be in my position.
I asked a reasonable question and everyone started to demean me for expecting Christians to follow the word of God. Silly me.
I understand what your solution is- bend the knee and accept that another man (or multiple) has pleasured my wife and that she'll always remember those moments.
I attempted to go to church on numerous occasions pre-pandemic but the gospel was not being preached. Also, everyone was 60+ years old. I live in a small retirement town with a population of 2,000 people- there are no young people here anymore.
I'm having a hard time keeping up with all the responses I've gotten. I do appreciate them.
I think I can sum up my inspiration for this thread like this: I feel as if I am not getting the choice to choose whether I'd like to marry a virgin or not, and this lack of having a choice is frustrating because I thought that at least 15% to 20% of the Christian population would have the restraint to follow God's word regarding fornication. I figured I would be able to have higher standards for my fellow believers, but you've all explained that this wish is unreasonable. This is just the way it is, and now I know it.
A woman's virginity is not the be all and end all- I agree with this. I think people are misinterpreting my posts and responses. I never said it's a must for my wife to be a virgin. Many women lose their virginity between the ages of 14 and 18. If a woman is 23 and has been single and celibate for around 5+ years, for example, this is a good amount of time to allow for healing. The baggage brought to a relationship from someone like this would be reasonable. I could live with this- I never said I couldn't.
My objective was to determine if it is even a reasonable ask in today's world, as such a large number of Christian men and women are not saving themselves for marriage. I live in a small town in a non-Christian country- I was just trying to get a pulse on the situation from the perspective of other Christians.
Sex is only 1 aspect of a marriage and it makes up such a small percentage of a lifetime that it's not worth getting so frustrated over. People have heard self-righteous virgins voice their displeasure in the past and have placed labels on me that are inaccurate. You all seem to think I'm talking down to those who didn't wait, but I'm not.
I'm having a hard time keeping up with all the responses I've gotten. I do appreciate them.
I think I can sum up my inspiration for this thread like this: I feel as if I am not getting the choice to choose whether I'd like to marry a virgin or not, and this lack of having a choice is frustrating because I thought that at least 15% to 20% of the Christian population would have the restraint to follow God's word regarding fornication. I figured I would be able to have higher standards for my fellow believers, but you've all explained that this wish is unreasonable. This is just the way it is, and now I know it.
A woman's virginity is not the be all and end all- I agree with this. I think people are misinterpreting my posts and responses. I never said it's a must for my wife to be a virgin. Many women lose their virginity between the ages of 14 and 18. If a woman is 23 and has been single and celibate for around 5+ years, for example, this is a good amount of time to allow for healing. The baggage brought to a relationship from someone like this would be reasonable. I could live with this- I never said I couldn't.
My objective was to determine if it is even a reasonable ask in today's world, as such a large number of Christian men and women are not saving themselves for marriage. I live in a small town in a non-Christian country- I was just trying to get a pulse on the situation from the perspective of other Christians.
Sex is only 1 aspect of a marriage and it makes up such a small percentage of a lifetime that it's not worth getting so frustrated over. People have heard self-righteous virgins voice their displeasure in the past and have placed labels on me that are inaccurate. You all seem to think I'm talking down to those who didn't wait, but I'm not.
My objective was to determine if it is even a reasonable ask in today's world,
there have been Christian-specific surveys taken that show that 80% of the Christian population has had sex before marriage (it's probably more). I feel like I've been lied to, betrayed, and that I've wasted my time by waiting.
Hi everyone.
I'm a 25-year-old who has been a Christian his entire life. Between the ages of 10 and 20, I didn't have the luxury of being in a church environment regularly. However, I never fell from God- I was always aware of his presence and did pray fairly regularly on my own before bed and before meals. With this said, when I turned 20, I decided to take it upon myself to become more devout, and I have since been reading my bible daily for the past 4+ years and studying scripture quite intensely.
Lately, I've been struggling with the idea of waiting until marriage to have sex- but not in the way you might think. I have personally never engaged in any sexual activities with another individual. I had the opportunity to do so many times in high school, but it never felt like the right thing to do, so I didn't. I could've had at least 7 sexual partners by the time I was 18, but I rejected the advances of all of them (imagine how many more opportunities I would've had if I would've went to college). This is extremely hard to do as a man in today's culture where virgins are laughed at and demeaned.
Keeping these things in mind, the thought of not being able to marry a woman who has also waited has been filling me with extreme dread for weeks now. I've seen surveys that claim that only 5% of the total population maintains their virginity past the age of 25. Similarly, there have been Christian-specific surveys taken that show that 80% of the Christian population has had sex before marriage (it's probably more). I feel like I've been lied to, betrayed, and that I've wasted my time by waiting.
The primary reason we wait is to honor God. Some secondary reasons include the increased divorce rate of individuals who have been sexually active outside of marriage, not wanting to deal with the baggage of past relationships, and wanting to be able to fully trust our partners. I fully agree with these reasons for waiting among other things, but nobody else seems to (until after they've fornicated).
Waiting to have sex has caused me to miss out on friendships, relationships, and experiences. Now, I'm 25, self-employed, and I have no friends. I live in a frozen wasteland (Canada) in a tiny retirement town and I haven't seen a girl in real life under the age of 35 since 2018, let alone a Christian girl. Waiting to have sex hasn't just cost me physical pleasure- it's cost me much more.
So, I have to ask: Is it unreasonable of me to prefer to date/marry a woman who has also waited? I've resisted fornication. I could've snapped my fingers and my virginity could've been gone. But I didn't. I feel as if doing so has been a waste of time because no young woman seems to have waited as I have.
It's not about the physical activity that makes me not want to date/marry a woman who has not had sex before. It's about not wanting to inherit baggage and being able to trust my partner to remain faithful by ensuring they don't look at everything through the lens the culture has trained people to look through- the sexual lens.
I'm just very frustrated by the fact that I've done everything that has been asked of me via the directives in the bible and essentially nobody else has. It seems like the only women who don't have sex before marriage either had no interest from men or no opportunities and are now 30+ years old or got married when they were 18 to 22 and are unavailable to me.
Isn't there a single attractive girl walking on this planet between the ages of 18 and 25 who have resisted the sin of fornication? Not because they didn't have the opportunity to engage in intercourse, but because they've been courageous enough to say "no" as I have? It seems like there aren't.
Honestly, I've been tempted to sleep around like everyone else so I can no longer expect or want to date/marry a virgin, as doing so would make me a hypocrite. The only thing keeping me from doing this is knowing that fornication is a sin and the 0.000001% chance that I'll find a virgin woman who I like but won't want to be with me because of my forced baggage.
I was planning to travel around the USA soon for 6 months, and one of my motivations for doing so was the prospect of meeting a Godly woman who is a virgin like me (if I'm being honest). Now, I don't feel like there's any point. All 99% of women (and men, to be fair) do nowadays is justify their sins and "past" and expect you to not care about the fact that they have an emotional bond with another person (or multiple), even though you've been resisting this sin since birth (partly for them) while it has affected your life negatively.
Any insights would be appreciated. I've tried to validate my decision to wait for 24/7 over the past few weeks by reading scripture, consuming content, etc. but the fact of the matter is, there's an incredibly low chance of me finding a woman who has done for me what I have done for her. I understand that marriage isn't guaranteed to everyone (nothing is guaranteed) but the reality is that if I had done what everybody else seems to do, I'd have had many girlfriends or been married by now because fornication wouldn't have been an issue to me.
I'm having a hard time keeping up with all the responses I've gotten. I do appreciate them.
I think I can sum up my inspiration for this thread like this: I feel as if I am not getting the choice to choose whether I'd like to marry a virgin or not, and this lack of having a choice is frustrating because I thought that at least 15% to 20% of the Christian population would have the restraint to follow God's word regarding fornication. I figured I would be able to have higher standards for my fellow believers, but you've all explained that this wish is unreasonable. This is just the way it is, and now I know it.
A woman's virginity is not the be all and end all- I agree with this. I think people are misinterpreting my posts and responses. I never said it's a must for my wife to be a virgin. Many women lose their virginity between the ages of 14 and 18. If a woman is 23 and has been single and celibate for around 5+ years, for example, this is a good amount of time to allow for healing. The baggage brought to a relationship from someone like this would be reasonable. I could live with this- I never said I couldn't.
My objective was to determine if it is even a reasonable ask in today's world, as such a large number of Christian men and women are not saving themselves for marriage. I live in a small town in a non-Christian country- I was just trying to get a pulse on the situation from the perspective of other Christians.
Sex is only 1 aspect of a marriage and it makes up such a small percentage of a lifetime that it's not worth getting so frustrated over. People have heard self-righteous virgins voice their displeasure in the past and have placed labels on me that are inaccurate. You all seem to think I'm talking down to those who didn't wait, but I'm not.
I'm having a hard time keeping up with all the responses I've gotten. I do appreciate them.
I think I can sum up my inspiration for this thread like this: I feel as if I am not getting the choice to choose whether I'd like to marry a virgin or not, and this lack of having a choice is frustrating because I thought that at least 15% to 20% of the Christian population would have the restraint to follow God's word regarding fornication. I figured I would be able to have higher standards for my fellow believers, but you've all explained that this wish is unreasonable. This is just the way it is, and now I know it.
A woman's virginity is not the be all and end all- I agree with this. I think people are misinterpreting my posts and responses. I never said it's a must for my wife to be a virgin. Many women lose their virginity between the ages of 14 and 18. If a woman is 23 and has been single and celibate for around 5+ years, for example, this is a good amount of time to allow for healing. The baggage brought to a relationship from someone like this would be reasonable. I could live with this- I never said I couldn't.
My objective was to determine if it is even a reasonable ask in today's world, as such a large number of Christian men and women are not saving themselves for marriage. I live in a small town in a non-Christian country- I was just trying to get a pulse on the situation from the perspective of other Christians.
Sex is only 1 aspect of a marriage and it makes up such a small percentage of a lifetime that it's not worth getting so frustrated over. People have heard self-righteous virgins voice their displeasure in the past and have placed labels on me that are inaccurate. You all seem to think I'm talking down to those who didn't wait, but I'm not.
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