Ive been with my bf for 1 yr. I will be honest and can definetly say that his love for me is much greater than my love for him. I know he loves me so much more than I love him. I do love him, but not as much as he loves me. He cannot live without me, he is always thinking about me, doing things for me, he does so much to show how much he loves and cares for me. He is the greatest guy ever. I mean in the beginning I always missed him like crazy. All the time!! I think my love for him in the beginning was much much stronger too. But now I don't miss him at all. I might not see him for 1 day, maybe a week or even a few and I don't miss him. When he tells me he is going to come over after I haven't seen him for a week it is no big deal for me. Well ok he's comming over and? Lately whenever he invites me over I don't even feel like going. Ill rather stay at home or do something else. Sometimes when we are together I feel like he is more of a friend to me. I just don't know....is it ok not to ever miss your bf or husband???
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I don't miss my BF at all, ever. Is that a bad thing?
- Thread starter bubblegum1
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lady_of_god
Well-Known Member
Hmmm....
This sounds like you really dont want to be his girlfriend anymore. In the beginning it was more of a crush/infactuation type thing. As time has gone on and you've gotten to know him in a romantic way you don't want him in that light anymore.
That's just my assumption, it doesn't mean its right.
Is it normal that you don't miss him?
My personal opinion is that if you felt anything at all you would miss him and would be happy to be around him. There are times when the men of our lives get on our nerves and we would like to just be alone. But for the most part when its a romantic love you do miss them and they are always in your thoughts.
Maybe you should evalute what you would like from this relationship and what you see in the future for you and him.
Just my two cents....
-Lady
This sounds like you really dont want to be his girlfriend anymore. In the beginning it was more of a crush/infactuation type thing. As time has gone on and you've gotten to know him in a romantic way you don't want him in that light anymore.
That's just my assumption, it doesn't mean its right.
Is it normal that you don't miss him?
My personal opinion is that if you felt anything at all you would miss him and would be happy to be around him. There are times when the men of our lives get on our nerves and we would like to just be alone. But for the most part when its a romantic love you do miss them and they are always in your thoughts.
Maybe you should evalute what you would like from this relationship and what you see in the future for you and him. Just my two cents....
-Lady
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I'd have to second that. Also, he deserves to be with someone who's crazy about him, and if that's not ever going to be you, you need to let him go. It doesn't make you a bad person if you're not crazy about him - you can't help that! However, it does make for a bad romantic relationship, so in that sense - yeah, it's bad thing. I'm speaking as one who's been in his shoes. 
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Everyone definetly thinks I am crazy about him. To everyone we are the best couple. Alot of our friends and people wish to have a relationship like ours. For holidays, his birthday, or just for no reason I give him gifts all the time, throw him the greatest parties, and spend alot of money on him. Sometimes I don't understand whyI do that. So you definetly would think I was crazy about him and stuff but I am not. Then why do I spend so much money and time on him....you know I am still trying to figure that out. I just don't understand. When we have fights and problems I cry, or if things go wrong I beg him to come back even when I am the one starting stuff or dumping him. I did break it off twice and ended up calling the next day in tears for him to come back. But when he comes back I don't miss him again and everything and sort of regret taking him back. I just don't know.....I can't live with him and I can't live without him. I am completely lost. I don't understand myself right now.
Sometimes I am close to leaving him but something always keeps me from doing it. I wonder what if God has a plan for me and him to be together and that's why I can't leave him. I know my bf would never break up with me, because he is crazy about me and wants to marry me so if it would be anyone doing the break up it would be me. I do think about alot of other guys often, sometimes I wish I were single but most of the time I am glad to have him. Maybe we are meant to be and that's why I never leave....I just don't know, I am completely lost. And if we are or aren't meant to be it is still totally un fair to him and it would hurt him so bad if he knew how I feel most of the time. I get scared alot of times. What if I do leave and he ends up finding a better girl, getting a better life, and live happy and I don't. I will always think well that could of been me if I didn't leave. Maybe that is why I don't leave, because of my fear of him ending up with a great life without me.
Sometimes I am close to leaving him but something always keeps me from doing it. I wonder what if God has a plan for me and him to be together and that's why I can't leave him. I know my bf would never break up with me, because he is crazy about me and wants to marry me so if it would be anyone doing the break up it would be me. I do think about alot of other guys often, sometimes I wish I were single but most of the time I am glad to have him. Maybe we are meant to be and that's why I never leave....I just don't know, I am completely lost. And if we are or aren't meant to be it is still totally un fair to him and it would hurt him so bad if he knew how I feel most of the time. I get scared alot of times. What if I do leave and he ends up finding a better girl, getting a better life, and live happy and I don't. I will always think well that could of been me if I didn't leave. Maybe that is why I don't leave, because of my fear of him ending up with a great life without me.
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I think you know the right thing to do. If you re-wrote your post as a list of reasons to stay together and another list of reasons to break up, I think your decision would be pretty obvious. That doesn't change the fact that it's going to be hard, and painful, and hurtful, and all those other things. I wish there was some way to make it easier.
You mentioned God's will, that maybe it's God's will for you to be together. However, God has revealed His will in the Ten Commandments, one of which has to do with honesty and truth. By hanging onto this relationship, acting like you're crazy about him when you're not, letting him and those around you think everything's great, are you being honest and truthful?
It sounds like your main reasons for sticking with him are everyone else's opinion and your own fear of the future. He's not exactly what you want, but he's better than nothing. Is that fair to him? You're not married yet, so it's not a sin to wish you were single or to think about other guys - but it is a warning signal that not all is well. Are you going to heed the warning or ignore it? If you marry with these feelings, they will become a MAJOR problem!
Breaking up - or even taking a break - is never easy, but if it's the honest and fair thing to do, you have to do it. God wants the best for both of you, so step out in faith and trust Him with the results!
You mentioned God's will, that maybe it's God's will for you to be together. However, God has revealed His will in the Ten Commandments, one of which has to do with honesty and truth. By hanging onto this relationship, acting like you're crazy about him when you're not, letting him and those around you think everything's great, are you being honest and truthful?
It sounds like your main reasons for sticking with him are everyone else's opinion and your own fear of the future. He's not exactly what you want, but he's better than nothing. Is that fair to him? You're not married yet, so it's not a sin to wish you were single or to think about other guys - but it is a warning signal that not all is well. Are you going to heed the warning or ignore it? If you marry with these feelings, they will become a MAJOR problem!
Breaking up - or even taking a break - is never easy, but if it's the honest and fair thing to do, you have to do it. God wants the best for both of you, so step out in faith and trust Him with the results!
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I
InTheFlame
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Sounds like you've emotionally disconnected from this guy, but you still need him in your life for some reason - maybe it's stability, maybe because you're afraid of being lonely, maybe his attachment to you is a self-esteem boost for you.
I think you need to work out exactly WHY you feel as though you can't let him go - and why you don't have any real feelings for him. A good place to start would be reading Boundaries in Dating (called Boundaries Before Marriage in Australia), by Drs Cloud and Townsend. If you can get your hands on a copy - your local library MIGHT have one or two - it's well worth a read. It should help you work out what your motivations are in this relationship, and if they're healthy or unhealthy - ie, are they going to cause you pain or good in the long term?
Hope this helps.
I think you need to work out exactly WHY you feel as though you can't let him go - and why you don't have any real feelings for him. A good place to start would be reading Boundaries in Dating (called Boundaries Before Marriage in Australia), by Drs Cloud and Townsend. If you can get your hands on a copy - your local library MIGHT have one or two - it's well worth a read. It should help you work out what your motivations are in this relationship, and if they're healthy or unhealthy - ie, are they going to cause you pain or good in the long term?
Hope this helps.
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i have this experiance before..and at the end i end up with him because have him or without him is nothing important to me. it just a boring day when go out with him. is it bad to feel this way?
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- Mar 30, 2004
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I miss my boyfriend when we are apart and I see him everyday. I always want to see him because when I go home for the summer (he lives where I go to school) I know I won't be able to see him whenever I want because he will be 3-4 hour drive away from me...
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Well I usually miss my gf, even if we get to see each other the next day, but if I'm really busy will school, and focusing its not like I miss her at that moment, but that's reasonable, you can't think about everything all the time. I love my gf, and I miss her all the time, I think you should miss your bf, we have those feelings for a reason I think, and if you were meant to be, taking a break or breaking it off to figure things out wouldn't end the relationship
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Observer
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I was going out with someone for a while and I used to miss him intensely, so badly that I couldn't BARE to be away from him for 1 day, but I only felt that out of insecurity, because our relationship was silly. I seem to only really miss my boyfriend now when I feel bad, like if I had a bad day and I really want to talk to him because I feel close to him, and I know that he'll understand me when nobody else does. If we're apart for a few days, I think about him, and I'd feel like talking to him, but I wouldn't miss him in a pining depressed way. I pretty much always feel like talking to him and I'm glad to see him though. It's fine to not miss your boyfriend, like REALLY REALLY DESPERATELY feel the need to talk to him right now, that's normal after a while and it doesn't mean you don't love him... but the way you're not really interested in seeing him and you'd rather do something else almost always, and you feel like he's more of a friend... maybe you just don't feel anything romantically for him. BUT... you might be feeling disconnected from him in that way because you're a bit worried over not missing him and that kind of stuff that is perfectly normal for some people... is that a possibility? Do you think you started off worrying about something little and not very important, and then you worried yourself more and more about whether or not you love him, and it lead you to this? That might not make any sense to you... it's just I've done that a few times before. What you're experiencing could just be a mood that might pass, it's normal to not feel thrilled by each other and all in love. Sometimes your loving feelings for each other die down a bit because you're busy or just in that state of mind etc, but they keep coming back if you truly LIKE who the person is... I don't know... I'm just rambling now
I hope you feel at peace with this soon and figure it out.
I hope you feel at peace with this soon and figure it out.
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Cright
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for me it's an on again off again thing.
with my old work schedual I used to only see John 2-3 times a week and one of those times was church, and sometimes the 3rd would be at bible study. So by the time a few days had passes and I finally knew that I was going to see him the next day... I was missing him badly at that point.
Now I'm on a day shift M-F like he is... and I am able to see him much more often. Even if it's just popping over at his house for a few on my way home from work. I don't miss him, because I know I'll get to see him again soon.. that it won't be 5 days between visits.
I'm not any less in love with him (by ANY stretch of the imagination). So I do think it's okay not to "miss" someone when you know when the next time you'll see them is, however... when he invites you and you'd rather be doing something else.. that's a problem.
with my old work schedual I used to only see John 2-3 times a week and one of those times was church, and sometimes the 3rd would be at bible study. So by the time a few days had passes and I finally knew that I was going to see him the next day... I was missing him badly at that point.
Now I'm on a day shift M-F like he is... and I am able to see him much more often. Even if it's just popping over at his house for a few on my way home from work. I don't miss him, because I know I'll get to see him again soon.. that it won't be 5 days between visits.
I'm not any less in love with him (by ANY stretch of the imagination). So I do think it's okay not to "miss" someone when you know when the next time you'll see them is, however... when he invites you and you'd rather be doing something else.. that's a problem.
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