i don't know anymore

[XxAuroraxX]

i feel so down. i am rubbish at everything i do, i always ruin things. I have an eating disorder and i self harm. i am not clever, not pretty and i have no talents whatsoever. I have given up on school because everyone is so much better than me. they are everything that i am not. i'm completely worthless, a waste of food and air, i shouldn't be here, i feel as though i'm taking up a place on this earth that someone much better than me can do much more with. Nobody loves me. this is really tearing me apart, i'm 16 and never kissed a guy and never had a bf. nobody even likes me in that way and even if they did they would never come out and say it. some days i feel ok about myself, but then others i just want to die. i have been bullied for 5 years and my best friend died no so long ago.i'm ashamed of where i am from, my whole family (if you can call it that, as it is falling apart)and most of all i'm ashamed of who i am. I have dicided that in a year or so (because i'm going to college)if things don't get any better, which i doubt they will i am going to kill myself. i mean it. i have nothing to live for.there is absolutly not light at the end of this dark tunnel for me because i have been like this for 5 years now. i think i need help, but i don't want everyone to make a big fuss and i don't like talking to people, but i also feel as though i don't want help, i just want everything to all be over. what can i do?

 

[Jeshu]

i feel so down. i am **** at everything i do, i always ruin things. I have an eating disorder and i self harm. i am not clever, not pretty and i have no talents whatsoever. I have given up on school because everyone is so much better than me. they are everything that i am not. i'm completely worthless, a waste of food and air, i shouldn't be here, i feel as though i'm taking up a place on this earth that someone much better than me can do much more with. Nobody loves me. this is really tearing me apart, i'm 16 and never kissed a guy and never had a bf. nobody even likes me in that way and even if they did they would never come out and say it. some days i feel ok about myself, but then others i just want to die. i have been bullied for 5 years and my best friend died no so long ago.i'm ashamed of where i am from, my whole family (if you can call it that, as it is falling apart)and most of all i'm ashamed of who i am. I have dicided that in a year or so (because i'm going to college)if things don't get any better, which i doubt they will i am going to kill myself. i mean it. i have nothing to live for.there is absolutly not light at the end of this dark tunnel for me because i have been like this for 5 years now. i think i need help, but i don't want everyone to make a big fuss and i don't like talking to people, but i also feel as though i don't want help, i just want everything to all be over. what can i do?

Hi XxAuroraxX

I read your mail with an increasing unease inside of me. For it is obvious that you are deeply depressed and need profesional help as soon as possible.
Honestly your whole inner world of negativity - e.g. your loneliness, shame, doubt and feelings of unloviningness - as well as the need to die and hurt yourself, stem out of that depression and the low esteem you have of yourself. However you have placed yourself in a catch 22 situation for you are not reaching out to the appropiate places for help even though that would be the VERY best thing you could do.

You say that you are unloved, with this I have to disagree. Jesus Christ, the Son of God loves you and if you are prepared to let Him, He can set you free from that HORRIBLE loveless feeling that unlovingness has brought into you and fill it with His love instead.

Please seek help soon.

 

[Timespan]

Hey,

I'm sorry that your going through this rough time. If it means anything, I care about you and I don't want you to harm yourself, in any way. I remember a year ago when I said the same thing, "if things dont get better in a year, I promise I won't see my 16th birthday." Although its not exactly what you said, it's very similar. Anyways, what you've said in this thread is so similar to what I went through 2-3 years ago and I'd like to help, if I can. I know you said you don't like to talk to people, but I want to help you through this as much as I can. If you want, you can PM me, send me an IM on AIM or MSN, email, or whatever, I'm always here for you.

In the meantime, try to reach out to God. During these times He may seem so distant, not paying attention to anything that's happening, but really, He's always there, laughing when your laughing, crying when your crying. Reach out to Him, ask Him for help and comfort, I promise you He'll be there for you when you need Him most even if you don't see Him, He's there. I'll pray for you too and I'm sure everyone else is too on this site. I'll be praying...