I don’t understand God…………?

angelwings37 said:

My life is the most pathetic which I had began to realize over the years.


I got saved while I was just a child, annointed by the Holy Spirit at 10, received baptism at 15, but never got to live like a 'christ'ian. It really bothers why I can't have a steady prayer life, why I can't follow the basic and the greatest commandment 'Love God, Love your neighbour..' I'm annoyed at myself.


If I say I have trouble making friends in the secular world, then I should say I don't have friends at all in church. This makes a fellowship problem for me.


Many a time I question God too much saying, "Life is not fair. While many are suffering too much like the blind, deaf, dumb, cancer patients, etc , many are enjoying a great life with beauty, health, wealth, popularity, they seem to lack nothing. How can God say He created us all equally and fairly???? Though people suffer from illness, depression, mockery, poverty etc they still face other kinds of problems as well.......


Now again my question is...."Now why should both of these kinds of people receive the same heaven, the same joy, the same share????" How is it even fair???? The rich and the beautiful when they accept Jesus and live for Him, they go to the same heaven.........while the others who lived a life of hell on earth also receive the same heaven....oh wait.....even then they are judged saying, 'You were not content with the kindness that God had for you.." and so they might be thrown into hell or at the most get a lesser glorious place in heaven.......How do you think its fair??


Many people sin a great deal and they live happily and peacefully and have no worries and God blesses them richly but some people are addicted from birth that they have no control over, they cry every day seeking God's help and guidance to overcome addiction (that separate them from God), and yet receive none and are condemned by God.......to suffer every second of their life in depression, sadness, constant crying, worrying etc.......How come this is fair.......?


I don't understand God at all.............................though the Bible says He is good and fair................???

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Good, yes. Fair, not so much. The Bible says the rain falls equally on the righteous and the unrighteous.

If you read the lives of Christian saints you will see that many of them are given the most difficult lives; depression, illness, even loss of faith at times. I don't know why this happens, but it is common enough to be a pattern. I can't think of many saints born into affluence, living in affluence and dying of old age in their beds. All are afflicted in some way.

I suspect that we will not understand why this is until we stand before the Lord. But perhaps when we are standing there we won't mind so much.

Jeremiah asked the same question:
Jer 12:1 You are always righteous, O Lord, when I bring a case before you. Yet I would speak with you about your justice:
Why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why do all the faithless live at ease?NIV

This life does not seperate the wicked and the godly. Wheat and tares grow together. It's the next life where they are seperated.

John
NZ

angelwings37 said:

am not saying am good...but am trying and end up crying....i guess something's wrong with me...i dont even know if God still loves me....maybe thats why I feel as if i'm groping around in darkness.....gosh I hate this!!

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Yes, God still loves you; it is impossible for him to do anything other than love you.

http://biblehub.com/isaiah/49-15.htm

angelwings37 said:

then why is my life like a hell.....honestly there is no meaning in it...i feel like i shouldn't have been born...getting my parents to spend so much on my education,, yet am sitting here like a dead person being a burden to them....i don't see how God can love me..its just not a day or two...its been my entire llife...i get used by people, hated, disliked, mocked, considered strange and crazy........why did God allow this if He loves me....not only that....even at church...when i was a child, i was not allowed to participate in children programs..the reason they told me was that I was Christian and chances were to be given for non-christians, yet I found other christian children in our church had a wonderful time participating.....i was aloof, avoided.......how can the church who preach God treat me like that and make me miserable...i have no friends in church cos i have nothing called pretty, money, fame, goodness in my life's dictionary.....they look at me like [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]....am crying nearly every single day...

How can I believe God loves me...? He is not even there in my life........

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I don't know why your life is difficult. I don't know why mine is either. I am afraid it happens; we don't get an easy life just because we follow the Lord.

Do you have any Christian friends who you can trust? Someone to talk to. I don't mind talking to you, but I can't make you a cup of tea (green with lemon this morning) or give you a hug.

angelwings37 said:

thanks Catherine,, no but I don't have any...God has really made my life bitter.....i want to believe God is good but with my life progressing this way, I can't get myself to....

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Having a difficult life is not a sign that God does not love you. It may be a sign that he loves you in a very special, very particular way; many of the saints have found this to be true.

Here is just one of many.

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...&mid=D46F97B14672C69B07CBD46F97B14672C69B07CB

I don't know the details of your background, but it seems there has been a lifelong issue with other people accepting you, which is horrible. Feel free to PM me if you want to go into a bit more detail and maybe we can look at some possible approaches you can take.

John
NZ

angelwings37 said:

if God loves me then why doesn't He help me? All those believers in our church neglect me as if I'm just a piece of trash..but God blesses them abundantly...but am begging God to just show a tint of His grace but there is none..am feeling so confused and angry at God...

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If people are neglecting you, then it would seem sensible to be confused and angry with those specific people. Even Christians can be very unpleasant indeed at times; why be angry with God for that?

angelwings37 said:

cos Cathy, God is also taking their side..God is blessing them abundantly but has cursed me into bitterness...this is how I feel....not one day or two....my entire life...as far as I can remember..

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That does happen with some people, yes. Often the ones God is most fond of, funnily enough. It does not feel anything like a blessing, but it is.

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Will pray that God starts to build you up. My life was pretty bad once, I had no job, was mentally ill, no relationships with the opposite sex, I basically wanted to die. All this was as a Christian. During that time God would give me little glimmers of hope, just enough to keep me going. I would lift weights stating "God you have a future and a hope for me". I went through seasons, some good, some bad, some so devastating that I tried to kill myself. My brother just told me to grow up. Many people just say what they think. But it is hard to find some one who truly cares. The fact is I have learned through all of this that God does indeed care for each of us. He took me from a messed up Christian life, to one of vibrancy. I now have a great job, am married, have a son, and see God bless others through my prayers, in very miraculous ways.

You may never have done it, but I used to as a kid. If you throw a rock at speed across water it will make it to the other side easily. But if there are waves you need to throw it harder. If the speed is too slow in wavey conditions will casue the rock to sink. But if it is fast enough, it will rocket off the wave and make it there sooner. Some people have to push harder to make it to the other side, the difficulties they face have the potential to pull them down. Sickness may take some heaven quicker, their life here may be hellish. Yet the ones who face difficulty and cling to Christs hope will be thrust higher, in heaven they will be rewarded for their faithfulness. Endure suffering, but know God has great things ahead for you.

angelwings37 said:

My life is the most pathetic which I had began to realize over the years.


I got saved while I was just a child, annointed by the Holy Spirit at 10, received baptism at 15, but never got to live like a 'christ'ian. It really bothers why I can't have a steady prayer life, why I can't follow the basic and the greatest commandment 'Love God, Love your neighbour..' I'm annoyed at myself.


If I say I have trouble making friends in the secular world, then I should say I don't have friends at all in church. This makes a fellowship problem for me.


Many a time I question God too much saying, "Life is not fair. While many are suffering too much like the blind, deaf, dumb, cancer patients, etc , many are enjoying a great life with beauty, health, wealth, popularity, they seem to lack nothing. How can God say He created us all equally and fairly???? Though people suffer from illness, depression, mockery, poverty etc they still face other kinds of problems as well.......


Now again my question is...."Now why should both of these kinds of people receive the same heaven, the same joy, the same share????" How is it even fair???? The rich and the beautiful when they accept Jesus and live for Him, they go to the same heaven.........while the others who lived a life of hell on earth also receive the same heaven....oh wait.....even then they are judged saying, 'You were not content with the kindness that God had for you.." and so they might be thrown into hell or at the most get a lesser glorious place in heaven.......How do you think its fair??


Many people sin a great deal and they live happily and peacefully and have no worries and God blesses them richly but some people are addicted from birth that they have no control over, they cry every day seeking God's help and guidance to overcome addiction (that separate them from God), and yet receive none and are condemned by God.......to suffer every second of their life in depression, sadness, constant crying, worrying etc.......How come this is fair.......?


I don't understand God at all.............................though the Bible says He is good and fair................???

Click to expand...

I feel your pain. I have had many of the same thoughts you do. I won't go into details here, but I have just come to accept that God does what He does in my life for reasons I cannot understand. I don't like it, but it is what it is. He's God and I'm not, so I have to trust that He knows what is best for me.

@angelwings37 I used to feel a lot like you. I'm very sorry you are going through this. It's very difficult, confusing, and I think its safe to assume you might feel like you want to give up on God, right? If not, I'm sorry for the assumption, that's how it was with me. I know it just feels frusterating. During that time in my life, I felt angry towards God. I felt like a spiritual failure. I was so frusterated, I gave up and turned to sin. I was saved, water and Spirit baptized, too. Even then, it was difficult. I hope I'm validating your feelings.

My advice is to remember that Jesus is the Great Physician and knows you inside and out. Ask him to show you the root cause and he will show you when you are ready to know. I say that because sometimes we shouldn't know why until we are emotionally/spiritually etc prepared for it.
God eventually showed me why I had such difficulty, and I'm glad he took his time telling me.

God understands your struggle. He's not looking down at you with his hands on his hips and tapping his foot. He knows why. Like the Bible says, God understands that we are just dust. He understands that we are weak. If he didn't, then we'd be expected to gain salvation, which we aren't. God understands your desire to live like Christ and do the things Christians are called to do.

Tell God how you feel and be honest with him. Now, don't blame him for everything and yell at him or talk to him as if he's the villian(I am saying that because I did and had to repent). But be honest. God already knows how we feel, but releasing it to him with purpose (like casting your cares on him, trying to feel better, trying to figure out why or what to do, something that is appropirate and helpful, etc) will help. Tell God how you feel about certain things you've noticed (sinful people blessed, people getting same share/same reward, etc) in this world and what the truth is. Be honest and tell him you feel cursed. Tell him how you feel, but be humble and realize there might be more to the story and God know something you don't. Share your pain of rejection and ask God to give you a godly Christian friend that will be there for you. Better yet, ask God to be your friend. Ask God to help you understand what is going on. Ask God to give you whatever blessing/gift is good to recieve now. Ask God for comfort and consolation. Ask him to give you what you need in order to come into a close relationship with God. The relationship/companionship with God is where doing what God wants really flourishes. Without that it becomes self-effort. I'm not saying don't try to read the bible or do Christian stuff until you feel closer to God, because reading the bible and praying is what gets us closer. However, when we read the bible and pray for the sake of checking it off our list, it becomes a tedious task, or at least that's how I felt. Pray/read the bible with the intention of getting to know God and recieving help.

During this time of my life, there was nothing anyone could really say to make me get back to God. No one could really give me a eureka/epiphany moment and if they did, it didn't last long. No one could really give me an answer that resonated with me. They all told me what I should do and I eventually did their advice and got into a better relationship with God. God did pursue me and in my waking life I couldn't see it, but looking back I realized he did. He gave me dreams in the night, even when I was struggling with sin or willfully doing it or when I was really suffering and didn't really try to turn to God but to people. Look at your dreams, even dreams that seems like weird pizza dreams or that seem soulish, because even those can have meaning. Why would God choose dreams to reach out? Our defenses are down when we are asleep. It's biblical - Joseph's dream, Pharoh's dream, Nebuchadnezzar's dream, there's even a couple of verses in Job about dreams.

Hi AngelWings37,
I feel sorry that you want to give up on your faith. I would like to help you and have much to say to you. Everything in this world can be explained, AngelWings37...