I don’t know how to say this, but read if you want to. I want know if if you go through same thing.

[LatinoIV]

Hello, i don’t know how to starts this off, but I’m not asking you to feel pity for me as much as I would like you to, but I usually keep my thoughts in my head and never share them....this is my first time putting something like this on the internet.

I’m 18 and all of my life I’ve been a silent and lonely person, and when I say LONELY it’s not that people don’t want to hang or associate with me, sometimes it’s like that, but most of the time i choose to be lonely...it’s almost like I know it hurts me but I choose to do it anyways. Most nights I go to bed thinking and talking to god and asking him “what is my purpose in life”, like why am I here”, “please please, I’m your son”, and sometimes I’ll end up not speaking to god because I feel that I’m not going to get an answer in the fist place...but if god was to ever speak to me I just want to ask him, “why I’m my lowest and desperate times you didn’t answer”. Im not saying this in an angry way like “WHY WONT YOU SPEAK TO ME”, but out of respect... not to make god look bad, he has his reasons and I would like to know....maybe he want me to have more faith???. But you probably like “why would you keep doing that if you know your hurting yourself”, but I’m the type of person that try’s to keep myself away from what is the norm or relevant these days(NotSayingImBetterThanAnybody) it’s just that I lack a lot of identity and I can easily be chewed like gum and then spit right back out when the flavor is gone, because that’s what the devil does. He sucks you in then spits you out... this is what happens when we try to please the world/people trying to be something were not, and this has happened to me many times. But one thing in my life I live by is to always be yourself, because we live in a world full of wannabes.. for example “the person who your trying to be like, is trying to be like someone else”. And this is very dangerous for a person like me(SoIHaveMyReasons) I have people in school I talk to but it’s (OnceABlueMoon) rare, and I feel as if they don’t really understand me, I don’t really connect to what they’re saying and they’re usually speaking about things that’s are irrelevant in my opinion, because I know what it all leads to....and in the end we will just be lonely if we’re trying to please the world/people....
And I’ve have had a few friends and then all of a sudden they just stopped talking to me, not blatantly...but gradually. And you meet a person your interested in,(not in a relationship way) but in a friendly way but they just look at you with contempt and doesn’t really enjoy your presence when your around....remember it’s never obvious at first, but you just realize after when your alone and that’s when it hits you.

On the other hand if you’ve gotten this far and still reading this boring story, I have a lot of problems in my head and I feel as if the devils attacks me heavily with purpose and identity. Like I’ve failed god many times, I’m not joking, I know a lot of people say I’ve sinned many times against god... but when you can literally go and tell god “I won’t do it again”, and then turn around and do the same thing willfully, knowing that what your doing is wrong, and then on top of that know god is watching you, look him in the eye and then keep on sinning!
I’m ashamed to say this but this where I’m at now. Sometimes i can feel god staring at me just standing there silent, shaking his head.. like the way you do when a cute kid is caught stealing in a cookie jar, but you just don’t say nothing, you just stand there until he notices you.
The devil has had control of my life for many years, filling my head with blasphemous thoughts, and I’ve tried hard to stop sinning but it’s almost like this is destined to happen, almost like this is what I’m made for, like I get these really bad intrusive rebellious thoughts (ItsToExplicitToShare) but these always come especially when I’m trying to worship god...Its like the devil gets an notification when I’m about to pray....Sometimes I’ll go perfectly resisting temptation then bam!! The devil takes the wheel, this has been a cycle for a long time, and I truly have the desire to change...but I don’t really know how to hear gods voice... and I don’t really understand what people tell me when they like “speak to the Holy Spirit, he is our teacher” like bro how?? I ask the holy spirt to give me revelation when reading the Bible and I get nothing, and I’ve been trying to feel something, like I’ve heard people say you’ll know for sure sure sure when the Holy Spirit speaks to you... and to me it’s like “who even is the holy spirt” not in a disrespectful way but “who is he” like is he The Father, Son, who???. I know there all one but who exactly is he.

but this is all I have to say...thank you if you’ve gotten this far spending your time reading this.. thnx I’ve been thinking on how to say express this in words.
I posted this already, I’m posting it again

 

[Phil W]

Hello, i don’t know how to starts this off, but I’m not asking you to feel pity for me as much as I would like you to, but I usually keep my thoughts in my head and never share them....this is my first time putting something like this on the internet.

I’m 18 and all of my life I’ve been a silent and lonely person, and when I say LONELY it’s not that people don’t want to hang or associate with me, sometimes it’s like that, but most of the time i choose to be lonely...it’s almost like I know it hurts me but I choose to do it anyways. Most nights I go to bed thinking and talking to god and asking him “what is my purpose in life”, like why am I here”, “please please, I’m your son”, and sometimes I’ll end up not speaking to god because I feel that I’m not going to get an answer in the fist place...but if god was to ever speak to me I just want to ask him, “why I’m my lowest and desperate times you didn’t answer”. Im not saying this in an angry way like “WHY WONT YOU SPEAK TO ME”, but out of respect... not to make god look bad, he has his reasons and I would like to know....maybe he want me to have more faith???. But you probably like “why would you keep doing that if you know your hurting yourself”, but I’m the type of person that try’s to keep myself away from what is the norm or relevant these days(NotSayingImBetterThanAnybody) it’s just that I lack a lot of identity and I can easily be chewed like gum and then spit right back out when the flavor is gone, because that’s what the devil does. He sucks you in then spits you out... this is what happens when we try to please the world/people trying to be something were not, and this has happened to me many times. But one thing in my life I live by is to always be yourself, because we live in a world full of wannabes.. for example “the person who your trying to be like, is trying to be like someone else”. And this is very dangerous for a person like me(SoIHaveMyReasons) I have people in school I talk to but it’s (OnceABlueMoon) rare, and I feel as if they don’t really understand me, I don’t really connect to what they’re saying and they’re usually speaking about things that’s are irrelevant in my opinion, because I know what it all leads to....and in the end we will just be lonely if we’re trying to please the world/people....
And I’ve have had a few friends and then all of a sudden they just stopped talking to me, not blatantly...but gradually. And you meet a person your interested in,(not in a relationship way) but in a friendly way but they just look at you with contempt and doesn’t really enjoy your presence when your around....remember it’s never obvious at first, but you just realize after when your alone and that’s when it hits you.

On the other hand if you’ve gotten this far and still reading this boring story, I have a lot of problems in my head and I feel as if the devils attacks me heavily with purpose and identity. Like I’ve failed god many times, I’m not joking, I know a lot of people say I’ve sinned many times against god... but when you can literally go and tell god “I won’t do it again”, and then turn around and do the same thing willfully, knowing that what your doing is wrong, and then on top of that know god is watching you, look him in the eye and then keep on sinning!
I’m ashamed to say this but this where I’m at now. Sometimes i can feel god staring at me just standing there silent, shaking his head.. like the way you do when a cute kid is caught stealing in a cookie jar, but you just don’t say nothing, you just stand there until he notices you.
The devil has had control of my life for many years, filling my head with blasphemous thoughts, and I’ve tried hard to stop sinning but it’s almost like this is destined to happen, almost like this is what I’m made for, like I get these really bad intrusive rebellious thoughts (ItsToExplicitToShare) but these always come especially when I’m trying to worship god...Its like the devil gets an notification when I’m about to pray....Sometimes I’ll go perfectly resisting temptation then bam!! The devil takes the wheel, this has been a cycle for a long time, and I truly have the desire to change...but I don’t really know how to hear gods voice... and I don’t really understand what people tell me when they like “speak to the Holy Spirit, he is our teacher” like bro how?? I ask the holy spirt to give me revelation when reading the Bible and I get nothing, and I’ve been trying to feel something, like I’ve heard people say you’ll know for sure sure sure when the Holy Spirit speaks to you... and to me it’s like “who even is the holy spirt” not in a disrespectful way but “who is he” like is he The Father, Son, who???. I know there all one but who exactly is he.

but this is all I have to say...thank you if you’ve gotten this far spending your time reading this.. thnx I’ve been thinking on how to say express this in words.
I posted this already, I’m posting it again

If you want to feel valued by other people, love them.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Volunteer at a food bank if you want to feel needed.
That's what I did...16 years ago.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Hello, i don’t know how to starts this off, but I’m not asking you to feel pity for me as much as I would like you to, but I usually keep my thoughts in my head and never share them....this is my first time putting something like this on the internet.

I’m 18 and all of my life I’ve been a silent and lonely person, and when I say LONELY it’s not that people don’t want to hang or associate with me, sometimes it’s like that, but most of the time i choose to be lonely...it’s almost like I know it hurts me but I choose to do it anyways. Most nights I go to bed thinking and talking to god and asking him “what is my purpose in life”, like why am I here”, “please please, I’m your son”, and sometimes I’ll end up not speaking to god because I feel that I’m not going to get an answer in the fist place...but if god was to ever speak to me I just want to ask him, “why I’m my lowest and desperate times you didn’t answer”. Im not saying this in an angry way like “WHY WONT YOU SPEAK TO ME”, but out of respect... not to make god look bad, he has his reasons and I would like to know....maybe he want me to have more faith???. But you probably like “why would you keep doing that if you know your hurting yourself”, but I’m the type of person that try’s to keep myself away from what is the norm or relevant these days(NotSayingImBetterThanAnybody) it’s just that I lack a lot of identity and I can easily be chewed like gum and then spit right back out when the flavor is gone, because that’s what the devil does. He sucks you in then spits you out... this is what happens when we try to please the world/people trying to be something were not, and this has happened to me many times. But one thing in my life I live by is to always be yourself, because we live in a world full of wannabes.. for example “the person who your trying to be like, is trying to be like someone else”. And this is very dangerous for a person like me(SoIHaveMyReasons) I have people in school I talk to but it’s (OnceABlueMoon) rare, and I feel as if they don’t really understand me, I don’t really connect to what they’re saying and they’re usually speaking about things that’s are irrelevant in my opinion, because I know what it all leads to....and in the end we will just be lonely if we’re trying to please the world/people....
And I’ve have had a few friends and then all of a sudden they just stopped talking to me, not blatantly...but gradually. And you meet a person your interested in,(not in a relationship way) but in a friendly way but they just look at you with contempt and doesn’t really enjoy your presence when your around....remember it’s never obvious at first, but you just realize after when your alone and that’s when it hits you.

On the other hand if you’ve gotten this far and still reading this boring story, I have a lot of problems in my head and I feel as if the devils attacks me heavily with purpose and identity. Like I’ve failed god many times, I’m not joking, I know a lot of people say I’ve sinned many times against god... but when you can literally go and tell god “I won’t do it again”, and then turn around and do the same thing willfully, knowing that what your doing is wrong, and then on top of that know god is watching you, look him in the eye and then keep on sinning!
I’m ashamed to say this but this where I’m at now. Sometimes i can feel god staring at me just standing there silent, shaking his head.. like the way you do when a cute kid is caught stealing in a cookie jar, but you just don’t say nothing, you just stand there until he notices you.
The devil has had control of my life for many years, filling my head with blasphemous thoughts, and I’ve tried hard to stop sinning but it’s almost like this is destined to happen, almost like this is what I’m made for, like I get these really bad intrusive rebellious thoughts (ItsToExplicitToShare) but these always come especially when I’m trying to worship god...Its like the devil gets an notification when I’m about to pray....Sometimes I’ll go perfectly resisting temptation then bam!! The devil takes the wheel, this has been a cycle for a long time, and I truly have the desire to change...but I don’t really know how to hear gods voice... and I don’t really understand what people tell me when they like “speak to the Holy Spirit, he is our teacher” like bro how?? I ask the holy spirt to give me revelation when reading the Bible and I get nothing, and I’ve been trying to feel something, like I’ve heard people say you’ll know for sure sure sure when the Holy Spirit speaks to you... and to me it’s like “who even is the holy spirt” not in a disrespectful way but “who is he” like is he The Father, Son, who???. I know there all one but who exactly is he.

but this is all I have to say...thank you if you’ve gotten this far spending your time reading this.. thnx I’ve been thinking on how to say express this in words.
I posted this already, I’m posting it again

Many others have been through a similar struggle. I suspect that you are a Melancholic temperament. It would help you to read about your temperament as you will discover what makes you tick. It sounds also that you suffer a rejection problem. What that means is that you unwittingly do and say things that turn people off you.

You need to know what God has done for you in Christ. You need to know that your forgiven the moment you confess that you have sinned. Lord Jesus demands that we forgive those who offend us up to 470 times a day. Does God demand what He will not do Himself? I don't think so.

You also need to know that the person you were born is not longer the real you. You died with Christ, you were taken down into the grave with Christ and that's where you are now. Dead. God raised you up with Christ so that you are a new person. And the Lord Jesus lives in you to cause you to be the kind of person that you always wanted to be, deep in your heart.

I know that everything you think and feel argues against what I've just said. But I've said only what God says in His word. The most influential person in my life had a very simple approach. He told me that he just pretended it was all true and started to act as if it was true. He didn't try to work it all out. His attitude was "God says it so I accept it. That settles it".

When you realise that the blood of Christ has paid for all your sin, you will be able to approach God with confidence. He's promised to help anyone who asks Him in Jesus name. You need to be appropriately dressed. God has a dress code. It's the robe of righteousness Lord Jesus. There is no other way to approach the throne of God.

Forget about yourself sometimes. Talk to Lord Jesus, thank Him for all that He's done for you. You don't know but a tiny fraction but thank Him anyway.

The Christian life is about relationship. God loves you and wants to set you free. We need to know how to approach God so we may receive the grace that will help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:12-16)

 

[BbyxV]

Hi there, sorry that you are battling with all of these demons at once. I pray that you find peace and clarity in your life. I am a bit older than you and I remember when I was 18, I thought I knew God but I truly didn't. Have you tried going to church and hanging out with people who also believe? It is better if you get to know God in a group instead of trying to figure these things out on your own, especially since you are only 18. There will be more challenges in life that you will have to face and definitely more demons you will meet. It is a wonderful thing that you have such a heart to seek out to God. I am very happy to read that from you. You sound like a very curious soul and I hope God shows you all the answers you have been craving for, for so long. Keep the faith in your heart and it will never fail you. I promise there was a time in my life when I felt so alone I didn't know where to turn or what the next direction will be. I advise you to read your bible as much as you can. And as for the younger generation to understand religion/God/Christianity better, there are plenty of Youtube videos you can watch to better understand God. Trust me it is normal all that you are feeling. To be a believer does not mean you have to be completely perfect and not sin. God understands we sin and God knows our hearts. You will be okay and I believe and have faith in you, that you will one day find the answers you are desperately asking for. Ask and it shall be given to you! Read the verse: Matthew 7: 7-8

 

[LatinoIV]

Hi there, sorry that you are battling with all of these demons at once. I pray that you find peace and clarity in your life. I am a bit older than you and I remember when I was 18, I thought I knew God but I truly didn't. Have you tried going to church and hanging out with people who also believe? It is better if you get to know God in a group instead of trying to figure these things out on your own, especially since you are only 18. There will be more challenges in life that you will have to face and definitely more demons you will meet. It is a wonderful thing that you have such a heart to seek out to God. I am very happy to read that from you. You sound like a very curious soul and I hope God shows you all the answers you have been craving for, for so long. Keep the faith in your heart and it will never fail you. I promise there was a time in my life when I felt so alone I didn't know where to turn or what the next direction will be. I advise you to read your bible as much as you can. And as for the younger generation to understand religion/God/Christianity better, there are plenty of Youtube videos you can watch to better understand God. Trust me it is normal all that you are feeling. To be a believer does not mean you have to be completely perfect and not sin. God understands we sin and God knows our hearts. You will be okay and I believe and have faith in you, that you will one day find the answers you are desperately asking for. Ask and it shall be given to you! Read the verse: Matthew 7: 7-8

I go to a really good church and have a couple of friends...most people I keep around me are believers.

 

[LatinoIV]

Many others have been through a similar struggle. I suspect that you are a Melancholic temperament. It would help you to read about your temperament as you will discover what makes you tick. It sounds also that you suffer a rejection problem. What that means is that you unwittingly do and say things that turn people off you.

You need to know what God has done for you in Christ. You need to know that your forgiven the moment you confess that you have sinned. Lord Jesus demands that we forgive those who offend us up to 470 times a day. Does God demand what He will not do Himself? I don't think so.

You also need to know that the person you were born is not longer the real you. You died with Christ, you were taken down into the grave with Christ and that's where you are now. Dead. God raised you up with Christ so that you are a new person. And the Lord Jesus lives in you to cause you to be the kind of person that you always wanted to be, deep in your heart.

I know that everything you think and feel argues against what I've just said. But I've said only what God says in His word. The most influential person in my life had a very simple approach. He told me that he just pretended it was all true and started to act as if it was true. He didn't try to work it all out. His attitude was "God says it so I accept it. That settles it".

When you realise that the blood of Christ has paid for all your sin, you will be able to approach God with confidence. He's promised to help anyone who asks Him in Jesus name. You need to be appropriately dressed. God has a dress code. It's the robe of righteousness Lord Jesus. There is no other way to approach the throne of God.

Forget about yourself sometimes. Talk to Lord Jesus, thank Him for all that He's done for you. You don't know but a tiny fraction but thank Him anyway.

The Christian life is about relationship. God loves you and wants to set you free. We need to know how to approach God so we may receive the grace that will help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:12-16)

Many others have been through a similar struggle. I suspect that you are a Melancholic temperament. It would help you to read about your temperament as you will discover what makes you tick. It sounds also that you suffer a rejection problem. What that means is that you unwittingly do and say things that turn people off you.

You need to know what God has done for you in Christ. You need to know that your forgiven the moment you confess that you have sinned. Lord Jesus demands that we forgive those who offend us up to 470 times a day. Does God demand what He will not do Himself? I don't think so.

You also need to know that the person you were born is not longer the real you. You died with Christ, you were taken down into the grave with Christ and that's where you are now. Dead. God raised you up with Christ so that you are a new person. And the Lord Jesus lives in you to cause you to be the kind of person that you always wanted to be, deep in your heart.

I know that everything you think and feel argues against what I've just said. But I've said only what God says in His word. The most influential person in my life had a very simple approach. He told me that he just pretended it was all true and started to act as if it was true. He didn't try to work it all out. His attitude was "God says it so I accept it. That settles it".

When you realise that the blood of Christ has paid for all your sin, you will be able to approach God with confidence. He's promised to help anyone who asks Him in Jesus name. You need to be appropriately dressed. God has a dress code. It's the robe of righteousness Lord Jesus. There is no other way to approach the throne of God.

Forget about yourself sometimes. Talk to Lord Jesus, thank Him for all that He's done for you. You don't know but a tiny fraction but thank Him anyway.

The Christian life is about relationship. God loves you and wants to set you free. We need to know how to approach God so we may receive the grace that will help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:12-16)

I was looking at the characteristics of melancholic people, and most almost exactly every trait I saw in me...but it’s not the loneliness it’s just the purpose and identity I crave from god...and trying to let god work in me. I tend to contradict things a lot of things in life, like I think very deeply about things. Sometimes I do stupid things to see if god speak to me..it’s weird. For example I would see a red light and I would be like “if this light turns green in 5 seconds, God loves me”. It’s pretty stupid but I do this with a lot of things in life. And even if it does turn green in 5 seconds it’s like my contradicts it and is like “shut up, that was a coincidence”.. sorry it’s sound stupid but this is the things my minds does....

 

[thehehe]

Hi, I'm not sure my post will remain here as it is the Teen Area, but I'm willing to take the risk because your message touched me deeply. First, I'd like to thank you for trusting us with your story, for what I feel it must be something you don't easily or often do.
Anyway, like many people here, I do recognize myself in what you said, or at least the teen version of myself. I do agree that you shouldn't force yourself into trying to connect with people that don't have anything in common with you, but I also think you shouldn't let yourself go. There ARE people like you, you just need to find them. Like that has been said before me, loving others is the key. And it's not only a heavenly grace, it's also a choice. At the end, giving colors to your life is nothing more than a choice. I know you heard it, probably many times, yet this is the best I can advise you to do.
You do see your weaknesses, and that is truly something, now you have to see all that is godly in you. God created you, he wanted YOU on this earth. My brother once told me that while I was wondering why God created me, I didn't truly believe in God because if I did, I would trust him what I am. I can't say I never doubt anymore, but it did help me a lot. I hope it will do the same for you. You have so much to offer to others, the sensitivity that led you to write this very post proves it. You shouldn't be afraid of this personality trait, it what touched me in your post and what gave me the envy to help you & know more about you. It's what has given me interest to you here, and what should give other people the same feeling. All that I'm trying to say is that despite everything you seemed to think, you are interesting. You seem to be the kind of peoplet that makes an excellent friend.

I guess @Aussie Pete just summed up the best way. Be easy on you & trust God. The day you will accept to let go will be the day you would have become a real adult. In the end of day, it's just a question of trust.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Hi, I'm not sure my post will remain here as it is the Teen Area, but I'm willing to take the risk because your message touched me deeply. First, I'd like to thank you for trusting us with your story, for what I feel it must be something you don't easily or often do.
Anyway, like many people here, I do recognize myself in what you said, or at least the teen version of myself. I do agree that you shouldn't force yourself into trying to connect with people that don't have anything in common with you, but I also think you shouldn't let yourself go. There ARE people like you, you just need to find them. Like that has been said before me, loving others is the key. And it's not only a heavenly grace, it's also a choice. At the end, giving colors to your life is nothing more than a choice. I know you heard it, probably many times, yet this is the best I can advise you to do.
You do see your weaknesses, and that is truly something, now you have to see all that is godly in you. God created you, he wanted YOU on this earth. My brother once told me that while I was wondering why God created me, I didn't truly believe in God because if I did, I would trust him what I am. I can't say I never doubt anymore, but it did help me a lot. I hope it will do the same for you. You have so much to offer to others, the sensitivity that led you to write this very post proves it. You shouldn't be afraid of this personality trait, it what touched me in your post and what gave me the envy to help you & know more about you. It's what has given me interest to you here, and what should give other people the same feeling. All that I'm trying to say is that despite everything you seemed to think, you are interesting. You seem to be the kind of peoplet that makes an excellent friend.

I guess @Aussie Pete just summed up the best way. Be easy on you & trust God. The day you will accept to let go will be the day you would have become a real adult. In the end of day, it's just a question of trust.

oops, did it again. Posted when I should not have.

I was looking at the characteristics of melancholic people, and most almost exactly every trait I saw in me...but it’s not the loneliness it’s just the purpose and identity I crave from god...and trying to let god work in me. I tend to contradict things a lot of things in life, like I think very deeply about things. Sometimes I do stupid things to see if god speak to me..it’s weird. For example I would see a red light and I would be like “if this light turns green in 5 seconds, God loves me”. It’s pretty stupid but I do this with a lot of things in life. And even if it does turn green in 5 seconds it’s like my contradicts it and is like “shut up, that was a coincidence”.. sorry it’s sound stupid but this is the things my minds does....

 

[Aussie Pete]

I was looking at the characteristics of melancholic people, and most almost exactly every trait I saw in me...but it’s not the loneliness it’s just the purpose and identity I crave from god...and trying to let god work in me. I tend to contradict things a lot of things in life, like I think very deeply about things. Sometimes I do stupid things to see if god speak to me..it’s weird. For example I would see a red light and I would be like “if this light turns green in 5 seconds, God loves me”. It’s pretty stupid but I do this with a lot of things in life. And even if it does turn green in 5 seconds it’s like my contradicts it and is like “shut up, that was a coincidence”.. sorry it’s sound stupid but this is the things my minds does....

Yes, big problems. God has the bigger answers! One thing you need to do is just accept God's word and trust Him. You remind me of me so much.... Yep, a fellow melancholic. Takes one to know one.

The good news is that God is well able to change us - if we will ask Him and we let Him do the work. It won't always be easy. Somehow we have to quit analysing ourselves and let God get to work. It's His job to save us. Apologies to moderators. I can't just ignore this young man's plight.

 

[thehehe]

Apologies to moderators. I can't just ignore this young man's plight.

Agree on that, there is something striking in this call for help and we couldn't call ourselves christians if we ignored it. Perhaps the thread should be moved to the Young Adults section, where older people are allowed.

 

[UVSATURATED2020]

You ought to know that since you believe in Jesus, you will be outcast. It isn't your fault that others are anti-social towards you but that you have already given your life over to the Lord. Know this; get used to it. Do not take it as a surprise, or that you are different from others for you are not. You are just as good or bad as anyone else no matter how great or poor they are, but that you feel you are set apart from your peers is a realization that you are having that I once had. Believe me that your worth is great in the eyes of the Lord, but do not worry so much about what your peers think about you, especially girls. LOL. I come here to educate you. message me and I will tell you a great secret that will be valuable to you and others.

 

[LatinoIV]

You ought to know that since you believe in Jesus, you will be outcast. It isn't your fault that others are anti-social towards you but that you have already given your life over to the Lord. Know this; get used to it. Do not take it as a surprise, or that you are different from others for you are not. You are just as good or bad as anyone else no matter how great or poor they are, but that you feel you are set apart from your peers is a realization that you are having that I once had. Believe me that your worth is great in the eyes of the Lord, but do not worry so much about what your peers think about you, especially girls. LOL. I come here to educate you. message me and I will tell you a great secret that will be valuable to you and others.

I know this reply is very late sorry

 

[Jesusfann777888]

Hello, i don’t know how to starts this off, but I’m not asking you to feel pity for me as much as I would like you to, but I usually keep my thoughts in my head and never share them....this is my first time putting something like this on the internet.

I’m 18 and all of my life I’ve been a silent and lonely person, and when I say LONELY it’s not that people don’t want to hang or associate with me, sometimes it’s like that, but most of the time i choose to be lonely...it’s almost like I know it hurts me but I choose to do it anyways. Most nights I go to bed thinking and talking to god and asking him “what is my purpose in life”, like why am I here”, “please please, I’m your son”, and sometimes I’ll end up not speaking to god because I feel that I’m not going to get an answer in the fist place...but if god was to ever speak to me I just want to ask him, “why I’m my lowest and desperate times you didn’t answer”. Im not saying this in an angry way like “WHY WONT YOU SPEAK TO ME”, but out of respect... not to make god look bad, he has his reasons and I would like to know....maybe he want me to have more faith???. But you probably like “why would you keep doing that if you know your hurting yourself”, but I’m the type of person that try’s to keep myself away from what is the norm or relevant these days(NotSayingImBetterThanAnybody) it’s just that I lack a lot of identity and I can easily be chewed like gum and then spit right back out when the flavor is gone, because that’s what the devil does. He sucks you in then spits you out... this is what happens when we try to please the world/people trying to be something were not, and this has happened to me many times. But one thing in my life I live by is to always be yourself, because we live in a world full of wannabes.. for example “the person who your trying to be like, is trying to be like someone else”. And this is very dangerous for a person like me(SoIHaveMyReasons) I have people in school I talk to but it’s (OnceABlueMoon) rare, and I feel as if they don’t really understand me, I don’t really connect to what they’re saying and they’re usually speaking about things that’s are irrelevant in my opinion, because I know what it all leads to....and in the end we will just be lonely if we’re trying to please the world/people....
And I’ve have had a few friends and then all of a sudden they just stopped talking to me, not blatantly...but gradually. And you meet a person your interested in,(not in a relationship way) but in a friendly way but they just look at you with contempt and doesn’t really enjoy your presence when your around....remember it’s never obvious at first, but you just realize after when your alone and that’s when it hits you.

On the other hand if you’ve gotten this far and still reading this boring story, I have a lot of problems in my head and I feel as if the devils attacks me heavily with purpose and identity. Like I’ve failed god many times, I’m not joking, I know a lot of people say I’ve sinned many times against god... but when you can literally go and tell god “I won’t do it again”, and then turn around and do the same thing willfully, knowing that what your doing is wrong, and then on top of that know god is watching you, look him in the eye and then keep on sinning!
I’m ashamed to say this but this where I’m at now. Sometimes i can feel god staring at me just standing there silent, shaking his head.. like the way you do when a cute kid is caught stealing in a cookie jar, but you just don’t say nothing, you just stand there until he notices you.
The devil has had control of my life for many years, filling my head with blasphemous thoughts, and I’ve tried hard to stop sinning but it’s almost like this is destined to happen, almost like this is what I’m made for, like I get these really bad intrusive rebellious thoughts (ItsToExplicitToShare) but these always come especially when I’m trying to worship god...Its like the devil gets an notification when I’m about to pray....Sometimes I’ll go perfectly resisting temptation then bam!! The devil takes the wheel, this has been a cycle for a long time, and I truly have the desire to change...but I don’t really know how to hear gods voice... and I don’t really understand what people tell me when they like “speak to the Holy Spirit, he is our teacher” like bro how?? I ask the holy spirt to give me revelation when reading the Bible and I get nothing, and I’ve been trying to feel something, like I’ve heard people say you’ll know for sure sure sure when the Holy Spirit speaks to you... and to me it’s like “who even is the holy spirt” not in a disrespectful way but “who is he” like is he The Father, Son, who???. I know there all one but who exactly is he.

but this is all I have to say...thank you if you’ve gotten this far spending your time reading this.. thnx I’ve been thinking on how to say express this in words.
I posted this already, I’m posting it again

Most people don't share their thought's because they are afraid:

1. It determines something about them that is true
2. Because they view their thoughts as negative and they think people are going to hate them.

Welcome to, hiding what you think by acting a different way.

1.) If you're lonely, find someone to talk to.
You stay alone because you are afraid of what someone is going to think of you because of the types of thoughts or feelings you have been having and you go to Jesus because you feel safe with Him and Feel you Can Trust Him, and you Can.

Chronic loneliness is dangerous, and so that you're aware you should avoid being a loner for the following reasons and don't freak out.

The psychological and physical effect's of loneliness lead to a host of problem's that are dangerous to you physically and mentally.

Prolonged loneliness lead's to inflamation of organ's and disies's associated with high-blood pressure.

Loneliness psychological cause's you to inwardly focus yourself and your thought's until you feel uncomfortable communicating with other's.

Talk to people about how you feel and what you think and find some friend's. Join a genuine Bible Believing Youth Group or Social Group that is at least Christian who you could Talk With and Develope Some relationShip's.

If you find it that you have problem's forming relationShip's with other people because of how they act, well, you got to do some looking around but don't beat yourself up. Loneliness hurt's and it can cause you to become very destructive. It's not a natural way to live. People need to socialize, and You Need Jesus and a Partner or a Friend. Share you thought's even if people reject you.

 

[Jesusfann777888]

and don't freak out if something happen's. If your nervous in front of people, be nervous. If you cry in front of people, cry. Stop hiding yourself in your head.

 

[ozso]

Hello, i don’t know how to starts this off, but I’m not asking you to feel pity for me as much as I would like you to, but I usually keep my thoughts in my head and never share them....this is my first time putting something like this on the internet.

I’m 18 and all of my life I’ve been a silent and lonely person, and when I say LONELY it’s not that people don’t want to hang or associate with me, sometimes it’s like that, but most of the time i choose to be lonely...it’s almost like I know it hurts me but I choose to do it anyways. Most nights I go to bed thinking and talking to god and asking him “what is my purpose in life”, like why am I here”, “please please, I’m your son”, and sometimes I’ll end up not speaking to god because I feel that I’m not going to get an answer in the fist place...but if god was to ever speak to me I just want to ask him, “why I’m my lowest and desperate times you didn’t answer”. Im not saying this in an angry way like “WHY WONT YOU SPEAK TO ME”, but out of respect... not to make god look bad, he has his reasons and I would like to know....maybe he want me to have more faith???. But you probably like “why would you keep doing that if you know your hurting yourself”, but I’m the type of person that try’s to keep myself away from what is the norm or relevant these days(NotSayingImBetterThanAnybody) it’s just that I lack a lot of identity and I can easily be chewed like gum and then spit right back out when the flavor is gone, because that’s what the devil does. He sucks you in then spits you out... this is what happens when we try to please the world/people trying to be something were not, and this has happened to me many times. But one thing in my life I live by is to always be yourself, because we live in a world full of wannabes.. for example “the person who your trying to be like, is trying to be like someone else”. And this is very dangerous for a person like me(SoIHaveMyReasons) I have people in school I talk to but it’s (OnceABlueMoon) rare, and I feel as if they don’t really understand me, I don’t really connect to what they’re saying and they’re usually speaking about things that’s are irrelevant in my opinion, because I know what it all leads to....and in the end we will just be lonely if we’re trying to please the world/people....
And I’ve have had a few friends and then all of a sudden they just stopped talking to me, not blatantly...but gradually. And you meet a person your interested in,(not in a relationship way) but in a friendly way but they just look at you with contempt and doesn’t really enjoy your presence when your around....remember it’s never obvious at first, but you just realize after when your alone and that’s when it hits you.

On the other hand if you’ve gotten this far and still reading this boring story, I have a lot of problems in my head and I feel as if the devils attacks me heavily with purpose and identity. Like I’ve failed god many times, I’m not joking, I know a lot of people say I’ve sinned many times against god... but when you can literally go and tell god “I won’t do it again”, and then turn around and do the same thing willfully, knowing that what your doing is wrong, and then on top of that know god is watching you, look him in the eye and then keep on sinning!
I’m ashamed to say this but this where I’m at now. Sometimes i can feel god staring at me just standing there silent, shaking his head.. like the way you do when a cute kid is caught stealing in a cookie jar, but you just don’t say nothing, you just stand there until he notices you.
The devil has had control of my life for many years, filling my head with blasphemous thoughts, and I’ve tried hard to stop sinning but it’s almost like this is destined to happen, almost like this is what I’m made for, like I get these really bad intrusive rebellious thoughts (ItsToExplicitToShare) but these always come especially when I’m trying to worship god...Its like the devil gets an notification when I’m about to pray....Sometimes I’ll go perfectly resisting temptation then bam!! The devil takes the wheel, this has been a cycle for a long time, and I truly have the desire to change...but I don’t really know how to hear gods voice... and I don’t really understand what people tell me when they like “speak to the Holy Spirit, he is our teacher” like bro how?? I ask the holy spirt to give me revelation when reading the Bible and I get nothing, and I’ve been trying to feel something, like I’ve heard people say you’ll know for sure sure sure when the Holy Spirit speaks to you... and to me it’s like “who even is the holy spirt” not in a disrespectful way but “who is he” like is he The Father, Son, who???. I know there all one but who exactly is he.

but this is all I have to say...thank you if you’ve gotten this far spending your time reading this.. thnx I’ve been thinking on how to say express this in words.
I posted this already, I’m posting it again

Regarding the first part of what you wrote regarding yourself and others, I'm on the autism spectrum and have spent years in autism forums. And what you're describing is familiar to me regarding myself and others who have posted similar things. I don't believe in trying to diagnose someone online, I just say it as something to consider.

As for the second part, I believe your awareness of your situation with sin is God speaking to you. I believe you being aware of it and confessing it to others in an attempt to conquer it is the work of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is our comforter and counselor, but He also causes is to feel convinced of our sin to break down its appeal to us.