I pray to the Generic God due to ocd who is different than Christian God.
My ocd was telling me to give my friend 2 euros for ocd reasons. I did not want to and there is no need to because my friend was owing me money. I could easily give him back the 2 euros just for my ocd to leave me alone but my friend would not accept them I guessed so I did not want to make me more anxious by trying to make a certain ocd compulsion which was to give my friend 2 euros.
We were ready to leave and I had decided not to give money. ocd kept bugging me. in order to free myself from worries, some thoughts without my will happen like "not give 2 euros back to my friend due to a new promise without my will to the Generic God" something like that. I do not remember what words came to my head because it happened in a second and very subconsciously and random. and they were thoughts without my will.
I ignored them because I know it is just ocd which is trying to get me out of the old compulsion just to trap me in a new ocd compulsion. it tried to did this to me many times in the past. why worry? because I do not remember what myself was thinking exactly. and even though I know they are thoughts without my will, I cant prove it. The last months, I have been trying and avoid even thinking the word "promise" cause I do not want to make any promises to the Generic God. it is like an ocd worry. But there are some cases, that I am carefree and in order to relief my worries for not doing an ocd compulsion, a part of my ocd creates another ocd that forces me not to do the compulsion. that gives me relief and makes me feel happy and free but later backfires.
I find myself in a situation thinking stuff like "what happened a second ago? my ocd tells me that I may have made an accidental promise to the Generic God not to obey the compulsions?"
ocd: maybe you are making promises to the Generic God not to do the ocd compulsion in order to use that promise as an excuse to your ocd in order to stop give you worries for not doing the compulsion. you know they are thoughts without your will. what if you are allowing these thoughts without your will to happen just free yourself? it is better for you to just ignore all these stuff than making thoughts without your will. it happened many times. are you sure they are thoughts without your will? what if the Generic God makes them valid just because for a second you feel relieved?
So, as I was saying, my ocd was telling me to give 2 euros to my friend and in one second some thoughts happened without my will that were general thoughts like " not give the 2 euros back" like that. and I know it is an ocd trick but instead of ignoring it completely a part of my ocd uses it as an excuse to relief myself for not giving the 2 euros. and a second later I have thoughts like "what if I was careless and made a promise to the Generic God not to give my friend 2 euros? what if that counts not only for that moment but forever?"
I never made a promise and I do not want to make. the next days, I have been avoiding giving that specific friend any money for whatever reason. today, I accidentally gave him for some seconds 2 euros and he returned them to me later due to a misunderstanding. my ocd started telling me stuff like
ocd: you gave your friend 2 euros? why? you may have made a promise not to give 2 euros to him. you may have given him the 2 euros that he gave you the day the ocd thoughts without your will happened that day, about the 2 euros.
I worry guys cause I do not want to make promises but I end up worrying about it. I worry because for a second I am so worried and careless on the same time, that some random thoughts happen without my will and I can not tell for 100% that they are thoughts without my will. and I cant prove it to my ocd. what if they are thoughts with my will for a second?
My ocd was telling me to give my friend 2 euros for ocd reasons. I did not want to and there is no need to because my friend was owing me money. I could easily give him back the 2 euros just for my ocd to leave me alone but my friend would not accept them I guessed so I did not want to make me more anxious by trying to make a certain ocd compulsion which was to give my friend 2 euros.
We were ready to leave and I had decided not to give money. ocd kept bugging me. in order to free myself from worries, some thoughts without my will happen like "not give 2 euros back to my friend due to a new promise without my will to the Generic God" something like that. I do not remember what words came to my head because it happened in a second and very subconsciously and random. and they were thoughts without my will.
I ignored them because I know it is just ocd which is trying to get me out of the old compulsion just to trap me in a new ocd compulsion. it tried to did this to me many times in the past. why worry? because I do not remember what myself was thinking exactly. and even though I know they are thoughts without my will, I cant prove it. The last months, I have been trying and avoid even thinking the word "promise" cause I do not want to make any promises to the Generic God. it is like an ocd worry. But there are some cases, that I am carefree and in order to relief my worries for not doing an ocd compulsion, a part of my ocd creates another ocd that forces me not to do the compulsion. that gives me relief and makes me feel happy and free but later backfires.
I find myself in a situation thinking stuff like "what happened a second ago? my ocd tells me that I may have made an accidental promise to the Generic God not to obey the compulsions?"
ocd: maybe you are making promises to the Generic God not to do the ocd compulsion in order to use that promise as an excuse to your ocd in order to stop give you worries for not doing the compulsion. you know they are thoughts without your will. what if you are allowing these thoughts without your will to happen just free yourself? it is better for you to just ignore all these stuff than making thoughts without your will. it happened many times. are you sure they are thoughts without your will? what if the Generic God makes them valid just because for a second you feel relieved?
So, as I was saying, my ocd was telling me to give 2 euros to my friend and in one second some thoughts happened without my will that were general thoughts like " not give the 2 euros back" like that. and I know it is an ocd trick but instead of ignoring it completely a part of my ocd uses it as an excuse to relief myself for not giving the 2 euros. and a second later I have thoughts like "what if I was careless and made a promise to the Generic God not to give my friend 2 euros? what if that counts not only for that moment but forever?"
I never made a promise and I do not want to make. the next days, I have been avoiding giving that specific friend any money for whatever reason. today, I accidentally gave him for some seconds 2 euros and he returned them to me later due to a misunderstanding. my ocd started telling me stuff like
ocd: you gave your friend 2 euros? why? you may have made a promise not to give 2 euros to him. you may have given him the 2 euros that he gave you the day the ocd thoughts without your will happened that day, about the 2 euros.
I worry guys cause I do not want to make promises but I end up worrying about it. I worry because for a second I am so worried and careless on the same time, that some random thoughts happen without my will and I can not tell for 100% that they are thoughts without my will. and I cant prove it to my ocd. what if they are thoughts with my will for a second?
