This past week has been really hard for me and i have to be doing something because whenever i'm alone, at night, it all comes back to me.... my dad telling me i'm stupid and wrothless, my close friend at the time telling me i'm the most selfish least self sacraficing person i know.... a whole bunch of pastors telling me the exact same things.... i can't take it! i want their voices and faces to get out of my head and i pray and it still won't make them go away! the only thing that can make the emotional pain go away is the physical! and like, my friend megan and her boyfriend matt don't want me to cut and have made me promise to stop myself from cutting for them, but i can't stop for them, i have to stop for myself. and sometimes i don't really want to stop myself but i feel i have to because they want me to... i feel forced to stop. which makes me not want to stop, if you know what i mean.
i know i can talk to my friends, but they can't always be there every second. it hurts themt hat i don't talk to them first, but they can't always be around, and i want to stop for myself not for them, i mean, i love them....
and i can't stand it; i hate remembering everything....
and i don't know how else to make the pain go away.
if you could pray for me, i'd appreciate it.
i know i can talk to my friends, but they can't always be there every second. it hurts themt hat i don't talk to them first, but they can't always be around, and i want to stop for myself not for them, i mean, i love them....
and i can't stand it; i hate remembering everything....
and i don't know how else to make the pain go away.
if you could pray for me, i'd appreciate it.
