I can use some help

[Dancer1906]

Greeting, I am a newbie to the forum:

My wife is borderline although not clinically diagnosed because she refuses that something is wrong. "It's all my fault."

She is VERY abusive verbally and twice physically. Goes into uncctrollable rages when ever the issue of personal accountability is brought up. I am a christian minister and supposed to have a biblically based home. Her logic is strange? She justifies her rages, walks in unforgiveness, control and milipulates me. And yes, withholding sex to punish me. I can't discuss anything with her because their is no reasoning. It's all about her. "Her way or the highway." She wants to divorce me again this month. I have lived under the threat of divorce 16 out of our 24 months married.

It's frustrating because of her denial of anything wrong.

Before she divorces me she wants to see a THERPIST over her anger and to justify her in filing for divorce. I love my wife, yet quite frankly our home is ungodly. I'm met with resistance anytime I bring in scriptures. It's simply twisted to show why she won't pertisipate with me.

I'm being forced to let her go. I am at my end of being abused. I have prayed to God for the "way of escape" in whatever form it comes.

I am saddened because I don't want this. My disernment picks up ungodly destructive thought patterns in her. She blames me for everything and devalues me on many levels.

Any advice or prayer on dealing with this? Thank you

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

It is difficult to be in this position. Those who are borderline can receive a lot of help with treatment. Dialetical Behavioral Therapy has been very successful in helping. Perhaps if her manner of seeking help for her anger, will give the therapist an option to look at the full picture of what might be going on.

On your end, staying sturdy in relationships with healthy Christian men, and even seeking counsel for yourself in coping with the labile behaviors of your wife could be helpful.

Having that support group can be helpful. One that comes to mind is Celebrate Recovery, which is Christian, and perhaps even co-dependents anonymous might be helpful, though it is for those who have alcoholics in their families, it addresses the dysfunction of relationships.

 

[DaisyDay]

Greeting, I am a newbie to the forum:

My wife is borderline although not clinically diagnosed because she refuses that something is wrong. "It's all my fault."

She is VERY abusive verbally and twice physically. Goes into uncctrollable rages when ever the issue of personal accountability is brought up. I am a christian minister and supposed to have a biblically based home. Her logic is strange? She justifies her rages, walks in unforgiveness, control and milipulates me. And yes, withholding sex to punish me. I can't discuss anything with her because their is no reasoning. It's all about her. "Her way or the highway." She wants to divorce me again this month. I have lived under the threat of divorce 16 out of our 24 months married.

It's frustrating because of her denial of anything wrong.

Before she divorces me she wants to see a THERPIST over her anger and to justify her in filing for divorce. I love my wife, yet quite frankly our home is ungodly. I'm met with resistance anytime I bring in scriptures. It's simply twisted to show why she won't pertisipate with me.

I'm being forced to let her go. I am at my end of being abused. I have prayed to God for the "way of escape" in whatever form it comes.

I am saddened because I don't want this. My disernment picks up ungodly destructive thought patterns in her. She blames me for everything and devalues me on many levels.

Any advice or prayer on dealing with this? Thank you

You should consider therapy yourself. 24 months is not a long time, but it can be long enough, harrowing enough, to have hurt you.

 

[Messy]

Greeting, I am a newbie to the forum:

My wife is borderline although not clinically diagnosed because she refuses that something is wrong. "It's all my fault."

She is VERY abusive verbally and twice physically. Goes into uncctrollable rages when ever the issue of personal accountability is brought up. I am a christian minister and supposed to have a biblically based home. Her logic is strange? She justifies her rages, walks in unforgiveness, control and milipulates me. And yes, withholding sex to punish me. I can't discuss anything with her because their is no reasoning. It's all about her. "Her way or the highway." She wants to divorce me again this month. I have lived under the threat of divorce 16 out of our 24 months married.

It's frustrating because of her denial of anything wrong.

Before she divorces me she wants to see a THERPIST over her anger and to justify her in filing for divorce. I love my wife, yet quite frankly our home is ungodly. I'm met with resistance anytime I bring in scriptures. It's simply twisted to show why she won't pertisipate with me.

I'm being forced to let her go. I am at my end of being abused. I have prayed to God for the "way of escape" in whatever form it comes.

I am saddened because I don't want this. My disernment picks up ungodly destructive thought patterns in her. She blames me for everything and devalues me on many levels.

Any advice or prayer on dealing with this? Thank you

Yes pray that she repents and gets set free. Read Pigs in the parlor from Frank Hammond. God can do it.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hi Mate,

I had a wife who was very similar to yours. She was controlling, manipulative, demanding, and wanted to divorce all the time. She was no help to me spiritually, in my many missions. She would tell me when I was hearing from God that it must be the devil. Marriage was hell.

I stuck it out, saying the following scripture.

1Co 7:10-11 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

This let me know GOd's will was to stick it out. Regardless of how bad it got. I could have said God could bring me a better wife. But I did not.

And what happened to me was God gradually began to work on my wife. She is no longer demanding, she rarely ever mentions, divorce. She is now a wonderful help to me. Even helping me write bible messages for our online ministry. She prays more than before.

I tried the whole telling her, preaching to her, but eventually God just changed her.

 

[bhsmte]

Greeting, I am a newbie to the forum:

My wife is borderline although not clinically diagnosed because she refuses that something is wrong. "It's all my fault."

She is VERY abusive verbally and twice physically. Goes into uncctrollable rages when ever the issue of personal accountability is brought up. I am a christian minister and supposed to have a biblically based home. Her logic is strange? She justifies her rages, walks in unforgiveness, control and milipulates me. And yes, withholding sex to punish me. I can't discuss anything with her because their is no reasoning. It's all about her. "Her way or the highway." She wants to divorce me again this month. I have lived under the threat of divorce 16 out of our 24 months married.

It's frustrating because of her denial of anything wrong.

Before she divorces me she wants to see a THERPIST over her anger and to justify her in filing for divorce. I love my wife, yet quite frankly our home is ungodly. I'm met with resistance anytime I bring in scriptures. It's simply twisted to show why she won't pertisipate with me.

I'm being forced to let her go. I am at my end of being abused. I have prayed to God for the "way of escape" in whatever form it comes.

I am saddened because I don't want this. My disernment picks up ungodly destructive thought patterns in her. She blames me for everything and devalues me on many levels.

Any advice or prayer on dealing with this? Thank you

I went through the same situation and I feel for you.

My ex wife also pinned everything on me and wouldn't even contemplate taking responsibility for her actions and come close to admitting she needed to seek help. This is very common behavior among borderlines and is one key reason, they are so hard to treat.

I would recommend two very good books; "walking on egg shells" and "splitting". The second book is written by a former attorney, who became a therapist and he discusses typical borderline behavior during a divorce and he nails the behaviors perfectly. It is very helpful to be prepared, as it helps you understand where the behavior is coming from and be ready in how to respond in the best possible way. I would also recommend seeing a good therapist, that can help you cope with the trauma of going through this situation.

Best of luck!