I Broke Up With Him

Well I don't feel sorry for him, he got his ultimatum, he's had the time, he's old enough.

You obviously wheren't worth it to him.

Time to move on to a guy who isn't afraid of marriage. Sorry this one didn't work out for you.

Not that I want to be harsh, but I think he's pretty silly too, to let you get away.

somethingBEAUTIFUL said:

Thanks for asking...no, not really. My mom and I went to church Sunday. He was there, helping run the sound in the sound booth. We never made eye contact, but I know for sure he was aware of me being there. His dad even came over to give me a hug during the fellowship song. After the service we stood around outside for less than 5 min, then left. As we left I saw him and his brother coming out of a side door on the church. Then yesterday i accidentally sent him an old text while messing with my phone. I was actually deleting stuff. I apologized, and he wrote back "it is np". So I told him ok and to have a good night and week. I didn't expect it, but he wrote nothing back.

I have his grandma added as a friend on Facebook, and today she sent me a simple message saying she was praying for me and loves me. Thought that was very kind. It's a blessing in disguise that my ex never signed up with Facebook!

So that's that. My mom, brother, and I have a fun weekend planned out of town. I hope he has fun watching the first college game(s) of the season withOUT me. We used to watch almost all of em together.

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somethingBEAUTIFUL said:

Thanks Niffer. I don't want to be harsh either, I still love him to pieces. I wish him the best in life also. I hope he figures everything out that he needs to and finds peace and happiness.

Still, it helps when others seem to be thinking the way I am!

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I don't think it would be harsh to call him an idiot at this point. But that's just me.


Just know that you tried your best.

Definitely his loss - and way better to find it out now, rather than investing more time and emotion into a relationship that wasn't going to go anywhere in the long run.

You seem like a smart girl with a good head on your shoulders. There is a guy out there who will be wise enough to recognize your value when he sees it.

somethingBEAUTIFUL said:

Yes, Luther, he's had plenty of time, patience, everything. Guess I wasn't worth it after all. Strange and something I can't comprehend. It helps that my mom, friends, and a few coworkers who know the story think he's pretty dumb to let me walk out of his life. But it's his choice. The ball is COMPLETELY in his court. Guess he's happy shooting hoops by himself!

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I just can't understand how he could be so broken up and upset about losing you but completly unwilling to commit to spending the rest of his life with you...

Whats the point in Christian dating if you arn't looking to get married?

I just don't get it. . . My wife and I where together for about 8 months before I asked her to marry me.

Honestly, it doesn't sound so much as if you broke up with him, even in your own mind, then it was you making a demand that he propose now or soon or risk losing you. By how you over-analyze his texts, what he says to others, etc, it sounds like you expect him to walk through the door with ring in hand at any moment.

All I have to say is... Prepare for the possibility of having him call your bluff by realzing life without you is not as hard as you'd like to think he'd find it to be. Because it sounds like you've made no effort to move on or get over him, while he has made the effort to move on and get over you. He's had a few weeks which means he's had time to picture a life and future that doesn't include you, and he obviously must be OK with that picture since he hasn't come back and gives no indication that he will or wants to.

Not to be cruel, but as I'm sure any man here will tell you, if the love of his life walked out the door, he'd crawl through fire to get her back. And it wouldn't take a month to let her know he wanted her back.

You also need to ask yourself if you really and honestly wanted to marry somebody who proposed only because you made them propose. Because if he came back and proposed, it would only be because you made him do it, not because he wanted to, the time was right, etc etc. It would be because you said you wanted a ring, would leave him if he didn't want to get married, and the idea of being engaged even though he doesn't really want to be (because again, if he did, he'd have asked a long time ago) is better than being alone. I have a hard time thinking of a truly lasting relationship founded on the "propose now or I'm leaving" principle.

I am responding to the OP and haven't read every post.

Four years is a really long time to decide something like this. If you are both very young, that might be reasonable (e.g. are still in college, the man can't support a family yet, etc.)

When I met my wife, she had determined she didn't want to have a boyfriend until she met the right guy. That was sort of my attitude, but I didn't want to overcommit too soon. When I was ready to propose, I wanted to propose then, not be forced to propose before I was ready, if you get what I mean. If I committed to her that she was the one I wanted to marry, just to date her, well, that was like proposing.

At one point, someone said something against our relationship, and she misinterpreted some things. She wrote me a note that maybe we shouldn't spend time together until I was sure. I talked her out of that. She didn't mean it that way, but that is almost like a 'marry me or else' ultimatum.

In her country, you can date for a long time, call each other friends' and then get engaged. But I felt like I was lying after a while when I kept calling her my 'friend.' She was my girlfriend. I took her out to dinner almost every night, took her to church, etc. She was able to be my girlfriend, I guess, and be at peace with that. I proposed about 5 or 6 months into our relationship, though and got married about 10 months into it. The Lord was in it. I prayed about the issue a lot and got peace about it, right after deciding to propose while in prayer.

This is just something to think about. Maybe he wants to propose, but like a lot of young men, is a little unsure about such a big decision. If he doesn't have the money to support you, that may be his concern, or he may want to wait until he is 100% sure (which in my case came after making the decision to accept what the Lord was directing me to and propose).

You have to be careful with decisions like this. On the one hand, if a man is never going to marry you, and you have kept yourselves pure especially as you have indicated you have, you don't want him to waste your time and it may be better just to suffer and 'cut your losses' in terms of time and emotional investment. On the other hand, you don't want to force a man to marry you by backing him in a corner. If you leave the door open for him to call you and talk to you as 'just friends', maybe take you out to dinner, etc. you can leave the door open for marriage proposals, etc. If you don't let him take you out unless he has a ring in a box ready for you, that is a lot of pressure to put on him, and it could be taken almost as an ultimatum.

Four years is a long time, though, depending on your age. If you had an honest conversation with you and he just doesn't see marriage as likely, you should move on. But if you are the one he would want if he would marry, but he is hesitant to actually do it, that is a different story. You'll also have to ask yourself how important decisiveness is to you in a husband.