I am so angry

[sreno7]

My husband has been in and out of our lives on his terms for three or four years, I have lost track. He has been in and out of town.
The last year he was living with us he would vanish without a word.
He started being gone overnight then longer and longer.
He would sometimes pick a fight so he had an excuse to leave.
He used to have a cell phone so I could leave him a voice mail but he no longer does or if he does I don't have the number.
I kicked him out a few months ago and he hides from us.
I don't want him in my life, I have told him that, however we have children together.
If anything happened to the kids, or even if they just feel like talking to their dad I have no way to reach him.
When he calls (he wants something from me, doesn't talk to the kids) he blocks the number he is calling from.
He phoned the other night to ask for a favour and he blocked the number and I got angry and yelled at him reminding him he has kids and he is a father and there will be times I have to reach him.
He said he didn't call to fight and hung up.
He uses the excuse that he has been mentally ill and on medication. but this has been going on for too long.
I can't force him to be in his kids lives, but I feel badly for them, and I am afraid if there was a crisis in their lives, he would never know and wouldn't be there for them.
I guess he can't be, or doesn't choose to be, but I dont' understand it.

 

[dbhost]

My heart and prayers go out for you sister. I can't fathom your particular pain, but I know about having an unrepentant hurtful sinner in your life all too well.

If you have the resources to hire a private investigator, I would STRONGLY suggest you do so, and if you have been intimate with your husband since he started his wanderings, I strongly suggest you see a physician and get screened for STDs. From what I have seen, any married person that is putting distance between himself / herself and their marriage bed, without fear of harm that is, is seeking distance and privacy to hide infidelity.

Pray for him, certainly, and believe that whatever is God's will in this is going to take place. I do not believe that Divorce is always inevitable, but if your husband will not come to agreement with the Lord in his sin, he has far deeper issues to worry about than your marriage. Take care of yourself, and your children. And if he is doing as I suspect, you within your rights to divorce him. HE has to come back to the marriage in full commitment...

Do not speak negatively to your children, or allow them to hear you do so. Your children are part of you, AND part of him, and the damage that does to them is beyond words. If your children ask you where Daddy is, and why he is staying away and not leaving any means of contact. Be honest, but try to not be bitter. Tell them you don't understand why, but your father has chosen to live his life in a way that displeases God. That you are concerned for him, and that if they would like to, they can always talk to their Heavenly Father, who will never leave, nor forsake them.

You know this kind of thing breaks my heart every time I read about another family torn up like this. If only people would actually live up to the vows they took...

 

[sreno7]

Thanks, when he was in the hospital our family doctor tested him for everything under the sun but I insisted on being tested also.
The kids have stopped asking, but this summer when they went away to camp dad was gone and when they came back six days later he was still gone. My son asked "does Dad even know we went away?"

 

[dbhost]

Just reading that makes my heart sink. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

I can't imagine what you are going through with Children in tow. I pray your church is far more supportive than my old congregation toward you and what you are going through.. You are going to need lots of love and support to get you, and your children through this. And keep reminding them, that there is one that will never leave them, or turn his back on them.

 

[sreno7]

The church I was attending....well the pastors were supportive in some ways but kicked me off the worship team because I had marriage problems.
The church I attend now I don't know anyone really well except the youth pastor and he is great to my kids.

 

[dbhost]

Congrats on finding a new church home.

The senior pastor of my old Church has always been very supportive of me in my divorce. I did not ask for it, I tried to avoid it, even though I had every right, even scripturally, to divorce her, I still tried to make peace.

You are indeed blessed with this church. I pray that you will make connections to the people there.

I know how it feels to be without your church family though. It's been 3+ years for me, and losing the ex wife doesn't hurt at all any more. Loosing my church family stings like crazy.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

My prayers go out to you too! My advice is to start the custody proceedings now in case he cleans up his act and tries to fight with you about it. I know how hard it is and I pray you are finding strength in this time. Take care of yourself!